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Thread: Girl I'm dating giving somewhat mixed signals

  1. #1

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    Girl I'm dating giving somewhat mixed signals

    I've been dating someone for about 2 months now. These past few weeks, we've spent 4-5 days together per week as well as whole weekends together. We've agreed to be sexually exclusive but she's not ready to be fully exclusive / my girlfriend.

    In the meantime, she has introduced me to a few of her very close friends and her brother. She also speaks of us in the future tense doing things with her family, meeting her dad etc.

    At this point I'm not quite sure why she wouldn't be ready to be fully exclusive / be boyfriend and girlfriend. I should note she went through a divorce a few years back (were both in our 30s) and she did mention she has a fear of giving it her all and either hurting me or getting hurt again.

    I'm trying to figure out if I should stay patient and keep riding with this since besides the issue with fully committing, us dating has been great...or if I should end it soon.

    Any advice would be helpful especially if you've experienced something similar.

  2. #2
    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hui9
    I've been dating someone for about 2 months now. These past few weeks, we've spent 4-5 days together per week as well as whole weekends together. We've agreed to be sexually exclusive but she's not ready to be fully exclusive / my girlfriend.

    In the meantime, she has introduced me to a few of her very close friends and her brother. She also speaks of us in the future tense doing things with her family, meeting her dad etc.

    At this point I'm not quite sure why she wouldn't be ready to be fully exclusive / be boyfriend and girlfriend. I should note she went through a divorce a few years back (were both in our 30s) and she did mention she has a fear of giving it her all and either hurting me or getting hurt again.

    I'm trying to figure out if I should stay patient and keep riding with this since besides the issue with fully committing, us dating has been great...or if I should end it soon.

    Any advice would be helpful especially if you've experienced something similar.
    In my opinion she is doing nothing wrong. You have been spending a lot of time together already, things sound like they are going well, speaking of future plans etc... why not live in the moment, give her some space to figure this out. Maybe she is not sure you are for real yet.

    I understand your desire to be boyfriend and girlfriend but in real life 2 months together its just too soon... honeymoon phase things... real relationships take longer to develop.

    I say if she is a great as you mention, be patient!

    All the best to you

  3. #3
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    If you were younger that would require one answer, but since you are in your 30's and she's all over the map I'd probably keep dating as she sounds like she's on shaky ground. There is nothing worse than wasting 3-4 months on someone that wasn't ready to actually be in a relationship. I've done that twice recently and it sucks, also 30's. When people tell you about themselves this early when dating listen as she is telling you she's skittish and not ready. Her introducing you to her friends/family doesn't really mean anything as they are probably the ones telling her to get back out there, so she's showing them that she is, even though she doesn't sound ready. If you are her rebound its going to be short term anyways, so keep looking!

  4. #4

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    Thank you! That's what I figured...think I just needed some confirmation on that. She's pretty great! Thanks again

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  6. #5

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    Makes sense

  7. #6
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    Two months of dating is still pretty early.

    I think she is trying to build this potential relationship slowly but surely. I also vote for being patient, but continue to have these talks with her when she brings it up.

  8. #7
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    As of right now, you have a friends with benefits arrangements if she isn't ready to be in a fully exclusive girlfriend/boyfriend situation.

    You can give it time if you think there is some potential there, but as Manydates said, you're wasting a lot of good dating time by hanging out waiting for her to decide if she wants a relationship or not.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Pardon for saying this but anyone who tells you he/she is ready to have sex exclusively but not able to date you exclusively in a committed relationship is just out for an fwb situation! Most (not all) friends with benefits scenarios tend to be off kilter and emotionally unstable. I don't suggest you go into this agreement at all if you're looking for a committed or stable relationship.

  10. #9
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    It's open ended...you are free to go out with other women if you choose to...keep your options open because that is what she is doing.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I think it's pretty normal to be skittish after a divorce, I know I was for sure, however if she isn't willing to walk through that fear to commit to being your girlfriend then you are probably looking at something more casual or FWB style with her.


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