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Thread: Fell in love with my manager... help

  1. #1
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    Fell in love with my manager... help

    This is a bit of a long story...
    I started working at bank in my area in New York and slowly started getting feelings for my manager. Iím 23 and he is 30. From the beginning he was my biggest supporter. He always had my back and Iíve never met a person who has treated me with such care, love and respect. Heís married, and was never outwardly flirtatious but over time we developed a very strong emotional bond. I started having very strong feelings for him. I also started to notice that he really went out of the way for me differently than other coworkers. He was a very private guy and people would tell me how he never opened up. But in our time together he shared very personal problems with me, and I shared mine with him. One of the problems being really bad issues with his wife. I would often notice him look at me, and we would look at eachother like magnets, and just have this shy little laugh Every time we locked eyes. I never shared these feelings with anyone and made sure not to show him. I kept denying that he could like me until my Coworker I was close with commented how he treats me differently and feels like thereís a connection and she felt
    He had romantic feelings for me. My friend even came in to visit me and said that without me noticing she saw him continuously glance at me the whole time . After a while the company laid off a bunch of people and because I was the least senior I got cut. I cried to him before and he sat with me in an office for hours and gave me instructions on how to apply for different jobs. He told me he wants to keep in touch and I told him I doubted he would . He said he promised me he wouldnít lose touch. ď I donít leave people behindĒ he always said this. He said there was no possible way we wouldnít keep in touch unless I stop taking to him. And this is a man that kept his word from the moment I met him with everything he said. He got promoted shortly after I left to a location 20 mins outside the city. He kept in touch for a couple of weeks and then randomly stopped answering me. I called and left him a voicemail thanking him for all he had done for me wishing him the best also mentioning if his schedule allows if we could grab a coffee. He sent me a text simply saying hey missed your called whatís going on. I explained in a very professional way that I congratulate him and would like to meet for a coffee and chat. Again he never answered...I just donít know what to do about everything. My heart is broken and I donít understand what happened. Every night I canít sleep. I already feel weird that I called and left a voicemail after he ignored me the first time,
    So Iím hesitant to reach out again. But also I feel I need answers. I donít know what could have happened and I donít know how to move on .
    Last edited by alyssamar; 03-27-2019 at 03:17 AM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It was inappropriate for him to speak about his marriage issues in a professional setting. Don't be so easily duped next time when someone does that with you and remove the blinders at work. If anything he seems more brotherly towards you. His flowery language about 'not leaving people behind' sounds like he's a GI Joe/military wannabe(this is just kindergarten level hero dialogue).

    I don't blame you for falling for his dramatic overtures. You're young. Live and learn. You should also be starting to find another job. Your priorities out of sync.

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    I appreciate the answer. I felt he was genuine, I am currently in a new position now at a different bank. Thanks for taking the time to answer

  4. #4
    Out of sight, out of mind sorry :(

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    It was inappropriate for him to speak about his marriage issues in a professional setting. Don't be so easily duped next time when someone does that with you and remove the blinders at work. If anything he seems more brotherly towards you. His flowery language about 'not leaving people behind' sounds like he's a GI Joe/military wannabe(this is just kindergarten level hero dialogue).
    I agree with this so much!

    Alyssa, here'a a good rule of thumb: men who divulge personal information about their romantic relationships are generally trolling for ass. Coupled with flattery and attention, it's a very common and effective tactic. Don't fall for it.

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    Originally Posted by alyssamar
    I appreciate the answer. I felt he was genuine, I am currently in a new position now at a different bank. Thanks for taking the time to answer
    Unfortunately, you were wrong.

    You were the woman he flirted with at work and used to stroke his ego, but he is not seriously interested in you. It seems you hadn't yet met a sleazy married guy like this, but trust me, they are a dime a dozen. These types will play with the attraction while at work but have no intention of actually taking it any further. He's such a cliche.

    Don't reach out to him anymore. He is married and should be off-limits to you anyway, but his silence is telling you that he's not interested.

  8. #7
    The one important thing to note: HE IS MARRIED! He liked the attention he got from you, nothing more. He was never interested in you. Also you were new and he was the manager so it's his job to take care of his employees. The sooner you realize all this the sooner you can move on. Trust me, he's not losing any sleep over you.

  9. #8
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    You developed romantic feelings with someone that you work with. That alone, complicate things. He was your manager also, so any misunderstanding in your, supposed, relationship could have backfire in work. Thatís why I donít like relationships between people who work together.

    In addiction, he was married. If you had a relationship with him you would always come second. Do you like that? I know that I donít.

    So take the opportunity that he is giving you and leave him behind.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    He's not your boyfriend, he is someone else's husband. He owes you nothing and one lesson you should learn is, if he allows himself to get close to co-workers like this, you weren't the first and you won't be the last.

    It obviously didn't mean a whole lot to him because now, out of sight, out of mind.

    No doubt he's getting close to the new cute co worker at his new job.

    It's a harsh lesson to learn but a.) don't get personally involved with co workers b.) if a married man is behaving like this behind his wife's back, he is not a good man and he will do it again and again.

  11. #10
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    I echo what Sherry said (and others).

    This is very simple OP.

    He was engaging in an emotional affair with you, when it was convenient.

    Now that he's moved away, you are no longer convenient, too much effort is needed for him to continue so he cut you off, I'm sorry. :(

    He most likely found another young woman at his new location, and is feeding her the same garbage he fed you..

    Lesson learned,

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