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Thread: Blip During 7 Year Relationship. Am I Over or Underreacting?

  1. #11
    Let me get this straight, you allowed your GF to regularly stay over at another mans house? What the hell? Are you for real? That is a huge red flag in itself. What person allows their SO to do something like that? She spent a week with him and they slept together MULTIPLE times so she couldn't have felt that bad about it. She got pregnant by him. She lied and remained in contact with him when she promised she wouldn't, and you are asking if you should let her go to his for coffee? Seriously what the hell? This is beyond messed up and i can guarantee that she is probably still sleeping with him. You need to get a back bone and kick this woman out of your life for good. Wake up and stop being such a pushover.

  2. #12
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    Once my trust in a relationship is broken it canít be whole again. Thatís how I perceive it.

    Is it ok for them to message and for her to go to his for coffee? Well let me ask this: is it ok for you to message a previous lover and go to her for coffee?

    I donít think that you overreact. A woman cheated on you and with your behavior you are communicating to her: Oh itís ok honey, as soon as you love me and don not see that guy again. Now she knows that itís ok to cheat on you because you are not going to do anything. Next time she will do it, she will cry and say that she thought your relationship was going to break again and blah blah blah blah so problem's fixed again. Do you see the pattern?

    Not only she cheated and is the only one to blame but she made you feel that you are overreacting. You are even concerned about if she finds out that you read her PMs again. Man she cheated. Do you realize that?

    If I were you I would do 4 or at least 1. Every other option is out of the question.

  3. #13
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    If you want to give her a second chance, I would opt for the GPS on the car.

  4. #14
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    I think you should talk to her about it first, but solve things with your company in the mean time (if she has any share take care of that). I believe that you cant stay in relationship eith person that continues to break your trust,and having a company with her will be a big problem. Keep it in secrecy as much as you can untill you can make that company only your own. I know that it's an aholish thing to do, but she doesnt deserve much better after all of this.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wolfshook
    I think you should talk to her about it first, but solve things with your company in the mean time (if she has any share take care of that). I believe that you cant stay in relationship eith person that continues to break your trust,and having a company with her will be a big problem. Keep it in secrecy as much as you can untill you can make that company only your own. I know that it's an aholish thing to do, but she doesnt deserve much better after all of this.
    Agreed. Hence the earlier point I made about seeing a lawyer. The courts will take care of it as a common law situation and he'll be on the hook for child and /or spousal support anyway regardless. It's not as if he's going to get away completely. I do think it's probably for the best that he separates himself emotionally.... try and be more pragmatic about the situation. I'm sure there are all kinds of emotions wrapped up there and it's not going to go away instantly especially where a child is involved and also considering he's used to this emotional manipulation/deceit from his girlfriend as a type of "normal" for this long.

  7. #16
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    6) and then 4). 6) to amicably part ways and learn to coparent. If this was a solid relationship, you would have married her.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Wow there is a lot of denial in your post going on. This isn't a blip or a mistake. Your SO was actively cheating on you. She actually initiated the so called break up so she could just go live with the other guy and fck him to her heart's content and boy did they. She got pregnant. She certainly wasn't too stressed or sick when it came to that. I mean...dude...wake up. This woman not only doesn't respect you, she abused you, your trust, and put your health in jeopardy. Please please get checked for STD's. Obviously she doesn't have the sense to use protection of any kind.

    Taking her back after all that was a foolish decision, but can't be undone. So what have you learned? That cheaters lie and cheat and cheat and cheat. You had one simple condition for your reconciliation - that guy is to be out of your lives forever. Is he? No. She continues to carry on with him and it's only a matter of time before she goes back to shagging him, assuming she hasn't been doing it all along. After getting caught, 99.9999999% of cheaters don't suddenly find morals and values, no dude, they just learn how to hide their deeds better.

    I think you need to talk to a lawyer asap and fight for the custody of your kids. What an unworthy excuse for a mother they have. You need to actually shield them from this AND show them that being a blind doormat is not how healthy relationships work. Bad deeds have consequences.

    Also, check out this blog for more help and support and gaining a better grasp on cheaters [Register to see the link] Plenty of men on there like you - cheated on, lied to, in denial, etc. Coming to grips and realizing that getting rid of toxic waste is important for you and for your kids is a process.

  9. #18
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    My husband and I split up for a short time and when we decided to get back together he was seeing someone. The first thing I made him do was block her from his phone and social media. He did as I said and I know for sure he hasn't talked to her.
    My Advice:
    Let her know you saw that he text her and demand that she completely block him and stop the communication now. She may say nothing will ever happen again. The other man doesn't care about your needs but she should and if she doesn't stop talking to him then she's not putting you and yall relationship first.
    If she does stop talking to him and you choose to continue on in the relationship you will have to let the past go or you personally wont be able to move forward. That means bury this incident like it never happened and start over clean slate. If you can't do that then y'all will never be happy in the end....

  10. #19

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    Hi,
    Iíve read your dilemma a couple of times,
    You talk about a 7 day break and also the fact your g.friend has known/seen this guy/friend prior etc. Etc..
    You ask a lot of q. About what you should do. You show concern over how she may react as youíre mindful that you have been looking on her phone, and how she will be around that and so forth.
    Although itís not entirely clear the history of split/friendship, their position and what have you...
    What Iím hearing is that you, understandably are stressed about all the not knowing and uncertainty with this apparent male Ďfriendí and actually the real focal point leans towards the uncertainty on your girlfriend.
    Your girlfriend has obviously, by your message kept something from you in terms of the Ďpregnancyí (did u know, were you together at the time, is this true)?which was kept from you. You speak that you have addressed that somewhat with her.
    Anyway what I want to say in simple terms are:
    your feelings are important, your need to know the truth is important, ..because in order to move on with her, she would need to acknowledge and understand your insecurities which quite frankly she seemingly has initiated here.
    This really is not about this other man, but you and her.
    If she loves you and values the relationship, then she should want to talk to you, answer any Qs as you would hers.
    Communication can be the hardest thing in relationships, blame and attack will Ďneverí work.
    Tell her you feel hurt, unsure and how you feel, u want it to work (if u do), if she constantly gets angry and avoidant with your wanting to understand, so long as u do it sensitively, then I would suggest she is probably not being honest - thatís my take on it.
    I donít want to judge or point fingers, relationships are hard, and both need to work at it if itís going to survive.
    Honesty and not attacking is the best way forward, may take time, if it means changing your communication patterns.
    All the best.

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