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Thread: Is she loosing interest or is she relly busy?

  1. #1

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    Is she loosing interest or is she relly busy?

    Hello guys, it's been about 5 months since I started texting with this lovely girl and around 4 since we've been seeing each other around once a week, sometimes once every 2 weeks for a few hours which always feel like a minute. Everything was perfect, everything about her, her character, humor, looks, body, being an athlete just like me I couldn't believe it.

    I have a car so for me it isn't problem to come see her as much as possible, she lives only around 45 mins away, but at the same time she has trainings 4 times a week right after school, so she comes home between 7-8pm and every other weekend she is with her father (her parents are divorced), so there is limited time when we can see each other but everything was great, since I knew she really likes me and wants me. But last month she stopped texting that much, no longer says she miss me (only sometimes when I say it first, but not always) or asks when we will see each other again, that she wants me etc. No sex chats anymore, or photos of her. We call around 2 times a week, only when I call her. She says that she is tired from school, she has a lot of tests now and thus studying etc. So I don't know. Is she loosing interest or can she really be busy to the point it affects her expression of feelings towards me? How can I tell? When I asked her she said something like:

    "I know it hurts that we can't see each other more often, it hurts me too, I miss you, but when I think about how little time I have, I'm scared"

    I assured her that she definitely doesn't need to be scared of loosing me, Im willing to wait how much she needs as long as there is a future in it, that I will always be there for her, as long as thats what she wants, that all she needs to do whenever she needs me is to let me know and I am at my car in seconds rushing over to her. She also texts me first, asks me what I've been doing that day, telling me to be careful when driving for exmple but her texts became short and doesn't show her feelings that much anymore, with way bigger intervals. When I tell her how much I would love to sleep and wake up next to her, she replies with "Hopefully one day" or "I will be waiting" but not the excited "That would be lovely, I would have everything I want at such moment" like before. Few months before we met she broke up with her ex who cheated on her. Maybe she slowed down or is afraid of me doing the same. She didn't told it to me literally, but I sensed that this can be a possibility due to what I quoted. I asked if there is something she wants to tell me, and she said "There are some bad things from the past about me, one day I will tell you everything" so I don't know. She said she had only 2 guys before me.

    This friday we will finally see each other after 3 weeks and I want to tell her finally something I haven't told her yet, but felt this way for some time and that's how much I love her. But if she is loosing interest, wouldn't it scare her off? But at the same time I really want her to know, maybe she wanted to hear it some time ago. Does anyone have any experience with similar situation? Especially women on this forum if you had similar change in expressing your affection once you were really busy? Thank you so much guys and sorry if some of my words seem maybe rude or hard to understand, English isn't my first language.
    Last edited by mponser; 03-26-2019 at 08:18 PM.

  2. #2
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    She might be referring more to her being scared as in she is scared she doesn't have enough time to study or get her things done, not scared about how little time she has with you. At least that's how I read it.... you're both traveling on different wavelengths. Could be my misunderstanding as you mentioned English is not your first language.

    You're too available and repetitive though. She gets it. She knows you love her and that you are serious about her. Don't feel pressured to make any moves and, yes, I would wait and see what the vibe is this Friday before blurting out what you need to say. If the mood is right, go ahead. You don't want to antagonize her or put anyone in an awkward position just because you have to get something off your chest. See how it goes.

    Not everyone manages a busy schedule very well. I got through it earlier in my life and now I look back (it was really busy). It didn't stop me from making time for things or people who mattered to me. It just meant I had to prioritize a lot better and maybe pick and choose more often. You should try to look at your own life more and less at her life. I feel you're holding her under a lens and you're not paying enough attention to your life. She may be sensing that also. Try to prioritize and if things are on the backburner for you (delayed) because you are not thinking of yourself more, rearrange things.

    Your English is good. Not rude or hard to understand at all.

  3. #3

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    She might be referring more to her being scared as in she is scared she doesn't have enough time to study or get her things done, not scared about how little time she has with you. At least that's how I read it.... you're both traveling on different wavelengths. Could be my misunderstanding as you mentioned English is not your first language.

    You're too available and repetitive though. She gets it. She knows you love her and that you are serious about her. Don't feel pressured to make any moves and, yes, I would wait and see what the vibe is this Friday before blurting out what you need to say. If the mood is right, go ahead. You don't want to antagonize her or put anyone in an awkward position just because you have to get something off your chest. See how it goes.

    Not everyone manages a busy schedule very well. I got through it earlier in my life and now I look back (it was really busy). It didn't stop me from making time for things or people who mattered to me. It just meant I had to prioritize a lot better and maybe pick and choose more often. You should try to look at your own life more and less at her life. I feel you're holding her under a lens and you're not paying enough attention to your life. She may be sensing that also. Try to prioritize and if things are on the backburner for you (delayed) because you are not thinking of yourself more, rearrange things.

    Your English is good. Not rude or hard to understand at all.
    Well, she doesn't even have time for her friends, usually she goes out with her best friend similar to how often we see each other because of the time. But yeah, I also thought I am too available. Yet I just want her to know Im her for her, especially when she is so stressed these days, I want her to feel better somehow. But how? What if she will lose interest completely if I will be less available and not texting her that much? Im afraid I lost my opportunity to tell her I love you when she was still very interested, when she was telling me she can't be without me and so on.

  4. #4
    I think you are just being paranoid. Texting and talking doesn't always have to be full on. She doesn't always have to tell you in every message that she loves and misses you. Do you really need so much reassurance? You should just trust that she feels that way without having to constantly express it. It also sounds like she is facing allot of stress at home and with school. You're doing great by supporting her but don't push her or be too clingy. Have a great time on Friday but don't make her feel pressured. Relax and enjoy each others company.

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  6. #5

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    Originally Posted by RayofLighten
    I think you are just being paranoid. Texting and talking doesn't always have to be full on. She doesn't always have to tell you in every message that she loves and misses you. Do you really need so much reassurance? You should just trust that she feels that way without having to constantly express it. It also sounds like she is facing allot of stress at home and with school. You're doing great by supporting her but don't push her or be too clingy. Have a great time on Friday but don't make her feel pressured. Relax and enjoy each others company.
    Yeah I thought about this possibility too. We will have a great time on friday and see how it goes. Thank you very much and I will let you know how it went.

  7. #6

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    She might be referring more to her being scared as in she is scared she doesn't have enough time to study or get her things done, not scared about how little time she has with you. At least that's how I read it.... you're both traveling on different wavelengths. Could be my misunderstanding as you mentioned English is not your first language.

    You're too available and repetitive though. She gets it. She knows you love her and that you are serious about her. Don't feel pressured to make any moves and, yes, I would wait and see what the vibe is this Friday before blurting out what you need to say. If the mood is right, go ahead. You don't want to antagonize her or put anyone in an awkward position just because you have to get something off your chest. See how it goes.

    Not everyone manages a busy schedule very well. I got through it earlier in my life and now I look back (it was really busy). It didn't stop me from making time for things or people who mattered to me. It just meant I had to prioritize a lot better and maybe pick and choose more often. You should try to look at your own life more and less at her life. I feel you're holding her under a lens and you're not paying enough attention to your life. She may be sensing that also. Try to prioritize and if things are on the backburner for you (delayed) because you are not thinking of yourself more, rearrange things.

    Your English is good. Not rude or hard to understand at all.
    Oh and one add. I thought about both, being scared because of loosing me or because she has no time. So I also told her that if she has any problems at school, I can help her with it, I am a second year on college, she is in her last year on high school and I have still my notes when I was graduating. She said she appreciates it, that It's sweet and she will take it in mind. It's my first "most real" relationship. First time I have ever felt this way so its kind of new to me. Especially when we can read each others body language, have a contact etc so little.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Your post #3:
    You can't make her feel better about herself. You can never make anyone feel better about themselves. You may control your conduct and the way you speak and act around people when they are in your company but you cannot control a person's perceptions or the way they interpret or ultimately govern themselves. Most people are able to self-regulate so have faith in her willingness to communicate with you and in whatever you share as a couple.

    Your post #6:
    You're overextending yourself. Sorry, OP. You put that out there to help her but actually what she should be doing is helping herself.You should also be reinforcing with her that if she needs clarification she should be going directly to her teacher for help especially when it comes to understanding concepts and what to expect on exams. She shouldn't be using old notes from a previous classmate or student. Your notes may be outdated and there's a risk that they're obsolete.
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; 03-27-2019 at 02:05 PM.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    You've made it clear how you feel about her with your previous words and actions. It appears she has a lot going on and feels pulled in different directions. I get the sense (solely based on what you shared) that she might be reconsidering the relationship with you because of the limited time she has to offer.

    The more you profess your feelings, the more pressured she feels.
    If you are truly giving her the space and time you say you are, you wouldn't keep doing that.

    It sounds as if your declarations of love are more about you looking for reassurance then it is about giving it.
    You need to be really honest with yourself about your motivation to do so.

  10. #9
    Bronze Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    It could be both. Since she is extremely busy with training and doesn't come home until 7 - 8pm, she doesn't have time to invest in the relationship. When there is lack of time, absence does not make the heart grow fonder. To the contrary, often times couples drift apart.

    Her changed wording or lack thereof, could signal her lack of interest and exhaustion from the frenetic pace of her life's daily and weekly busyness.

    Either remain on standby, accept the situation as is or realize your relationship with her could very well grow stagnant. If you're satisfied, then do nothing. If you're dissatisfied, both of you need a discussion to inquire why she is behaving this way, what you want, what she wants and if both of you can foresee a future together. Never guess. You need to have a discussion with her, preferably in person. Emotions could become unnecessarily volatile via text, messages or emails. Phone chat is good but in person is more effective.


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