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Is my girlfriend cheating on me?


Dylan Paul

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So... to speed things up: My girlfriend had this guy who was texting her on social media EVERY DAY.

When i noticed , i asked who was the guy, and she said to me not worry about it, they were just friends. I dind't buy at the very beginning, so grabed her phone one day, when she was in the shower, and saw old conversations of the two...very intimate conversations .

I imediatly asked what was going on , and she told me that they had a relationship , (she was going out with both of us), but the guy found out about me , and eventually kick her.

We had a discussion, and i told her to block him in every social media and never talk to guy again, because the next time i was going to break up with her. This happened in my first week of dating....

 

Jumping to some some years , (very recently) she let her whatsapp logged on my computer, and... there he was. Same guy, hitting on her. She didn't cut off the guy, just kept laughing, and responding his texts. I stopped all i was doing to see if eventually they will say something that proves she was cheating on me, but they just continued to talk dumb things. In the evening i called her, explained the situation and we break up. She became very angry, said that i was very imature, and she wasnt going to do anything with the guy, even if he wanted. A week passed, and after i felt very awful, she called me and we came back togheter. But , it gets worse...

 

 

 

I got her phone again, to see her texts. In a conversation with a friend of hers (female), her friend said:

" Go after him, hes the love of your life. Sometimes its better to be loyal than faithfull, (wich is not your case)".

 

The conversation was dated from the day we came back, (probably the friend was giving some advice about me), but, the thing IS, the sentence has a double meaning.

*She was cheating on me, and her friend knows about,

* Her friend was saying that she was faithfull (didn't cheat), but not loyal to me , because she didn't tell me she still talked to the guy.

 

I really don't know what to do. Please help me figure. :icon_sad:

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You break up with her for good. Not only did she two-time you, but lied about being in contact with him. 3 times you asked her stop talking to her and every time she didn't listen to you and continued an emotional affair at the least. This shows you that she doesn't care about you as much as you think she does. If your relationship meant anything to her she wouldn't be so disloyal. She is making a fool of you and the fact that her friends know what she is doing is humiliating. Please see sense and open your eyes to what she is doing to you :(

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You break up with her for good. Not only did she two-time you, but lied about being in contact with him. 3 times you asked her stop talking to her and every time she didn't listen to you and continued an emotional affair at the least. This shows you that she doesn't care about you as much as you think she does. If your relationship meant anything to her she wouldn't be so disloyal. She is making a fool of you and the fact that her friends know what she is doing is humiliating. Please see sense and open your eyes to what she is doing to you :(

 

I know, the situation itself is a reason to me break up with her. Problem is that, with the feelings i have for her, i dont even know were to start... :icon_sad:

And , with this thing her friend said to her, literally, i dont know what to think anymore... she was just talking to the guy , or phisically cheating ? If so, was just this guy, or she was doing with everybody?

 

I confronted her about what her friend from college was saying... she freaked out. She said she didn't know what i was talking about, and i was extremely insecure for looking at her phone again. I kept asking her , over and over, but she continued to put the blame ON ME.

The next day, she made her friend send an audio to her phone, apologizing to me, saying that what she said, was not what I was thinking (!!!!!!??????)

Surprisingly, in this audio where her friend tried to explain the meaning of her sentence, she said nothing at all (neither of the two options I put in this thread), and stuttered a lot. Is this a evidence that she was cheating , and her friend knew?

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I know, the situation itself is a reason to me break up with her. Problem is that, with the feelings i have for her, i dont even know were to start... :icon_sad:

And , with this thing her friend said to her, literally, i dont know what to think anymore... she was just talking to the guy , or phisically cheating ? If so, was just this guy, or she was doing with everybody?

 

I confronted her about what her friend from college was saying... she freaked out. She said she didn't know what i was talking about, and i was extremely insecure for looking at her phone again. I kept asking her , over and over, but she continued to put the blame ON ME.

The next day, she made her friend send an audio to her phone, apologizing to me, saying that what she said, was not what I was thinking (!!!!!!??????)

Surprisingly, in this audio where her friend tried to explain the meaning of her sentence, she said nothing at all (neither of the two options I put in this thread), and stuttered a lot. Is this a evidence that she was cheating , and her friend knew?

 

These are your choices either leave her because you cannot trust her or learn to let her be the flirt and emotional cheater she is and stay with her.

 

You keep asking questions hoping we will tell you what you want to hear because your too afraid to accept the truth.

 

You'll always be on edge with her as you are right now.

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When you think of your perfect relationship, does it involve your SO cheating, lying, sneaking around flirting with other men, breaking your trust over and over, you policing her behavior, checking her phone and actually finding evidence of cheating? I'm guessing not.

 

Time to put this one out to the curb and get yourself checked for std's too. Cheaters do more than hurt you, they can share things with you that can kill you. How many times does she have to show you that she is a cheater, a liar, a manipulator who doesn't have one ounce of respect for you and who knows that you are such a pathetic doormat that even if you do kick her out briefly, all she has to do is make goo goo eyes at you, make some bs promises she doesn't mean and you'll be back for more abuse. Yes, cheating is abuse.

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These are your choices either leave her because you cannot trust her or learn to let her be the flirt and emotional cheater she is and stay with her.

 

You keep asking questions hoping we will tell you what you want to hear because your too afraid to accept the truth.

 

You'll always be on edge with her as you are right now.

 

I know EXACTLY what i need to do, because i didn't do it when i was supposed to. I could'nt. My mom was dying of cancer when i discovered she was talking to the guy the second time. I was taking care of her in the hospital 4 days a week , and somehow i could'nt do it all by myself. I needed her around, even knowing that maybe she cheated/or still had feelings for the guy. My mom passed away in November last year, and i made the decision to try to forget what happened between me and my girlfriend, but my thoughts continue to torment me.

See how its not so simple? ;)

 

In any given moment i said that i want you, or anybody tell me what i "want to hear", (otherwise, I would not come and ask a bunch of strangers on the internet about my relationship, it would be simpler forget everything and stick with her).

I just need help of figuring out if she physically betrayed me with the information i have, and eventually HOW to break up with her.

Dont get me wrong :)

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You can't trust her so it doesn't matter if she physically cheated with you or not.

She won't stop flirting and talking with him so it doesn't matter if she physically cheated on you or not

 

The problem is that you don't like it and you don't want her to do it and you can't relax and enjoy your relationship because she disrespects you with her actions with this guy and she has zero consideration for how her interaction with him makes you feel. She doesn't care much about your happiness and you don't care much about it either or you won't leave someone who disrespects you so.

 

I am sorry for the loss of your mother that is a great loss to bear but that is over now and you shouldn't any longer use her passing as an excuse to give your disrespecting girlfriend a pass for her behavior. I hope one day you get the strength to leave her so that you can take the time to heal from the breakup and then find a woman that doesn't cause you all this anxiety. Someone who doesn't need the attention of other men to get her through her day.

 

Good luck.

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When you think of your perfect relationship, does it involve your SO cheating, lying, sneaking around flirting with other men, breaking your trust over and over, you policing her behavior, checking her phone and actually finding evidence of cheating? I'm guessing not.

 

Time to put this one out to the curb and get yourself checked for std's too. Cheaters do more than hurt you, they can share things with you that can kill you. How many times does she have to show you that she is a cheater, a liar, a manipulator who doesn't have one ounce of respect for you and who knows that you are such a pathetic doormat that even if you do kick her out briefly, all she has to do is make goo goo eyes at you, make some bs promises she doesn't mean and you'll be back for more abuse. Yes, cheating is abuse.

 

Im planning to start not talking to her anymore today. Then, im gonna start packing her stuff , and prepare myself to break up someday this week.

Strange you mention stds. She has been doing blood tests all the time, at least twice a year. She says they're "checkup" exams, and I never suspected anything:eek:

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Im planning to start not talking to her anymore today. Then, im gonna start packing her stuff , and prepare myself to break up someday this week.

Strange you mention stds. She has been doing blood tests all the time, at least twice a year. She says they're "checkup" exams, and I never suspected anything:eek:

 

You have every reason on earth to end this today. Don't prepare, don't put off. Just do it. Once done, then yeah, pack up her stuff and send it to her. Don't speak to her anymore after any practical issues are separated out and even then, keep it strictly to just those things. After that, complete NC and if you think that you'll be weak or crack in any way - block her from all contact so she can't reach out and suck you back in. Also, lean on your friends, your job, hobbies, new hobbies, making new friends, get busy to help you get over this. Easier to move on when you aren't sitting around bored dwelling on it.

 

Finally....ummmm yeah....twice a year for checkups? Yeash, girl is busy and not in a good way. Keep in mind that checkups are just that - some diseases don't have a cure. One of the long time posters here just shared in another thread that his cheating wife gave him HPV from which he now has cancer. Cheating is a very serious issue and not something to be forgiven or brushed under the rug. Way too many people out there keep trying to sell bs that cheating makes relationships better, you should forgive, you should repair....seriously? For what? So you can get something deadly, courtesy of the poor attention wh..... ? I don't think so. Only way to deal with cheaters is to evict them from your life with extreme prejudice. As the old saying goes - when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

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You have every reason on earth to end this today. Don't prepare, don't put off. Just do it. Once done, then yeah, pack up her stuff and send it to her. Don't speak to her anymore after any practical issues are separated out and even then, keep it strictly to just those things. After that, complete NC and if you think that you'll be weak or crack in any way - block her from all contact so she can't reach out and suck you back in. Also, lean on your friends, your job, hobbies, new hobbies, making new friends, get busy to help you get over this. Easier to move on when you aren't sitting around bored dwelling on it.

 

Would not be more safe to break up when she is on her period? It starts 2 weeks from here...and i afraid that in the middle of the process of breaking up , she may have sex with anyone and.. you know the history.. im dont want to be forced to be the father of a child that i didn't make. Also, we had unprotected sex, and even she taking the pills, im not hundred percent. I want to cut all the contact.

 

Finally....ummmm yeah....twice a year for checkups? Yeash, girl is busy and not in a good way. Keep in mind that checkups are just that - some diseases don't have a cure. One of the long time posters here just shared in another thread that his cheating wife gave him HPV from which he now has cancer. Cheating is a very serious issue and not something to be forgiven or brushed under the rug. Way too many people out there keep trying to sell bs that cheating makes relationships better, you should forgive, you should repair....seriously? For what? So you can get something deadly, courtesy of the poor attention wh..... ? I don't think so. Only way to deal with cheaters is to evict them from your life with extreme prejudice. As the old saying goes - when someone shows you who they are, believe them .

 

It never occour to me, that maybe she was doing to check for stds. The first time i asked, she said it was for her skin problem, that her dermatologist said it was a hormonal problem, and she need to be checked for everything. But strangely she kept doing check ups since our first year of dating.

 

Some things i forgot to mention:

 

*When i confronted her about the conversation with the guy the second time, somehow the guy knew she had a skin problem (some kind of rash, i dont remember the name, the skin gets red in some areas,it burns and itches a lot), buuuut... wasnt visible in her face, only her body, so how could he had know? When i asked her, she said she encountered him two times in person, but it was not premeditated ( he works at her father company, and sometimes she goes there to get money with her father), and eventualy, one of thoses times she end up tolding him.

*The guy knew the exact time to text her, because it was the time i was not around her and would not be looking at her phone.

*The guy has a girlfriend too.

 

I know all this situation is pretty embarissing, but all my friends had mixed opinions of what i should do. Your advices are being very helpful to me.

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Do you live together?

If you do not live together, gather her belongings that may be at your place and return them to her. In one sentence tell her you are moving on and then stop communicating with her.

 

It does not have to be more complicated than this if you're just dating and do not live together.

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Do you live together?

If you do not live together, gather her belongings that may be at your place and return them to her. In one sentence tell her you are moving on and then stop communicating with her.

 

It does not have to be more complicated than this if you're just dating and do not live together.

 

^This. Try not to over complicate the break up. There is no good time to break up, it's just something you need to do. So better rip off the bandaid than drag your feel until you become complacent, get back to hoping that this time she morphed into someone else, and go back to accepting being cheated on. The more short, straight and to the point you are, the better. Once the message is communicated, cut her off. After the way she has treated you, she doesn't deserve any explanations or some kind of a weepy scene or closure. Only closure is "I don't do cheating. You are out. Don't ever contact me again." Boom done. Yes, that short. Expect her to try and argue, but it's on you to cut her off, tell her that you aren't interested anymore and literally walk away no matter what drama she tries to throw at you.

 

Sometimes, the trouble with friends and family is that their advice is biased. Meaning that they know how much you care, etc. so they are liable to tell you what you want to hear and pacify you rather than telling you the harsh truth. Once you dump her, I think you'll be surprised to find out how many of your friends will cheer and say, "well about time you got rid of her!"

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I know, the situation itself is a reason to me break up with her. Problem is that, with the feelings i have for her, i dont even know were to start... :icon_sad:

And , with this thing her friend said to her, literally, i dont know what to think anymore... she was just talking to the guy , or phisically cheating ? If so, was just this guy, or she was doing with everybody?

 

I confronted her about what her friend from college was saying... she freaked out. She said she didn't know what i was talking about, and i was extremely insecure for looking at her phone again. I kept asking her , over and over, but she continued to put the blame ON ME.

The next day, she made her friend send an audio to her phone, apologizing to me, saying that what she said, was not what I was thinking (!!!!!!??????)

Surprisingly, in this audio where her friend tried to explain the meaning of her sentence, she said nothing at all (neither of the two options I put in this thread), and stuttered a lot. Is this a evidence that she was cheating , and her friend knew?

 

That is a classic response of a cheater when confronted. They try to turn it all around on you and blame you for it all. Just know that you are NOT to blame at all. You weren't the disloyal one so you are well within your rights to confront her about it. Don't let her make you believe what she is saying. It's all manipulation. Don't stand for it.

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Dylan,

 

I know you want proof positive that she cheated so it will be easier for your to end this but unless you walk in on her doing this guy you will never get it. I saw you ask if she physically cheated which is common but emotional cheating in my opinion is much worse. Just because there has or has not been penetration really doesn't matter in the big picture does it? Think on that.

 

I hope you get the courage to end this, not because she is cheating but because you are miserable in this relationship. What you are experiencing is not healthy at all.

 

We all know this is hard but you need to do what is best for you long term, even if that means short term pain and loneliness. After you pull the plug on this keep your good friends close, they will support you.

 

Keep posting

 

Lost

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Rose Mosse

 

No, we dont. She is my first girlfriend tought, i think thats why im feeling

so attached. It really breaks my heart that maybe i was a second option to her in the beginning of our relationship, and she might have some feeling about this guy till today. But now, my problem got bigger, because i dont doubt just about her and this guy, i feel insecure about EVERYONE. I lost all the trust.

I have all her social media passwords, and phone password.

 

DancingFool

 

I still didn't end things. I stopped responding her texts yesterday,and she called me very pissed. She wanted to know why i stopped talking with her , and i just said that i was not feeling ok and needeed some space to think about stuff. We chat a litte, and i asked about the blood test she made some weeks ago , and eventualy will take to the doctor today.

I asked if i could go with her to the doctor to see the results (just to see her reaction), and immeadiately she said NO. I asked why, and she started to say that i was crazy, insecure, neurotic... all the adjectives for a beta male. I dind't responded her curses, and said if she wanted to talk to me she going wait till tomorrow. Do you think she got an ideia of what im about to do?

Im already packed her stuff. She didn't called yet. Planning to end things today when i leave work.

 

RayofLighten

 

 

She always do that stuff. When i was still fighting about our relationship, i started to inquire her about things, and she always said that i was out of my mind,making me doubt of myself. She changed her version of the facts several times, lied about what i was asking to protect herself. Really got me crazy.

Worst thing is, that she painted me to her friends as some crazy jealous boyfriend. There was this time she got out with her friend, and it was getting late... i started calling her, and she didn't responded. I got pissed, and when she answered, i started cursing her. She hang up, and her friend started calling me via videochat. Really disrescpectful.

 

 

lostandhurt

 

Im thinking about doing that today. I had trouble to sleep yesterday. It sucks that, if i had finished this thing when she talked with him the second time , maybe would recover faster because i was pissed at her. Now, time has passed, i am more attached to her, and its harder, even knowing she is a compulsive liar. A lot going on in my mind right now.

 

Thank you for all the support guys (and girls) :D

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Isn't this a lot over overkill to get a friend to testify? At this point everyone is playing games and the relationship is basically over.

The next day, she made her friend send an audio to her phone, apologizing to me, saying that what she said, was not what I was thinking

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Isn't this a lot over overkill to get a friend to testify? At this point everyone is playing games and the relationship is basically over.

 

As i said before, i really dont know. :icon_sad:

I heard the audio that her friend sent to her multiple times, and besides she stutters a lot, (wich is already something to suspect) she didn't say any of the two ONLY possible interpretations of her mesage. She make up one excuse that the "loyal" and the "faithfull' meant that my girlfriend was "feeling this way" because of what happened to her (wich doesnt make any sense, because it was HER talking with the guy, not ME , so if someone had to right to feel cheatead, that person is ME). Anyway, her explanation doesnt even fit the context of what she said, so i think maybe the worst happened (she cheated on me, and her friend knew).

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