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Thread: Is my girlfriend cheating on me?

  1. #11
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    When you think of your perfect relationship, does it involve your SO cheating, lying, sneaking around flirting with other men, breaking your trust over and over, you policing her behavior, checking her phone and actually finding evidence of cheating? I'm guessing not.

    Time to put this one out to the curb and get yourself checked for std's too. Cheaters do more than hurt you, they can share things with you that can kill you. How many times does she have to show you that she is a cheater, a liar, a manipulator who doesn't have one ounce of respect for you and who knows that you are such a pathetic doormat that even if you do kick her out briefly, all she has to do is make goo goo eyes at you, make some bs promises she doesn't mean and you'll be back for more abuse. Yes, cheating is abuse.
    Im planning to start not talking to her anymore today. Then, im gonna start packing her stuff , and prepare myself to break up someday this week.
    Strange you mention stds. She has been doing blood tests all the time, at least twice a year. She says they're "checkup" exams, and I never suspected anything

  2. #12
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Dylan Paul
    Im planning to start not talking to her anymore today. Then, im gonna start packing her stuff , and prepare myself to break up someday this week.
    Strange you mention stds. She has been doing blood tests all the time, at least twice a year. She says they're "checkup" exams, and I never suspected anything
    You have every reason on earth to end this today. Don't prepare, don't put off. Just do it. Once done, then yeah, pack up her stuff and send it to her. Don't speak to her anymore after any practical issues are separated out and even then, keep it strictly to just those things. After that, complete NC and if you think that you'll be weak or crack in any way - block her from all contact so she can't reach out and suck you back in. Also, lean on your friends, your job, hobbies, new hobbies, making new friends, get busy to help you get over this. Easier to move on when you aren't sitting around bored dwelling on it.

    Finally....ummmm yeah....twice a year for checkups? Yeash, girl is busy and not in a good way. Keep in mind that checkups are just that - some diseases don't have a cure. One of the long time posters here just shared in another thread that his cheating wife gave him HPV from which he now has cancer. Cheating is a very serious issue and not something to be forgiven or brushed under the rug. Way too many people out there keep trying to sell bs that cheating makes relationships better, you should forgive, you should repair....seriously? For what? So you can get something deadly, courtesy of the poor attention wh..... ? I don't think so. Only way to deal with cheaters is to evict them from your life with extreme prejudice. As the old saying goes - when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

  3. #13
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    You have every reason on earth to end this today. Don't prepare, don't put off. Just do it. Once done, then yeah, pack up her stuff and send it to her. Don't speak to her anymore after any practical issues are separated out and even then, keep it strictly to just those things. After that, complete NC and if you think that you'll be weak or crack in any way - block her from all contact so she can't reach out and suck you back in. Also, lean on your friends, your job, hobbies, new hobbies, making new friends, get busy to help you get over this. Easier to move on when you aren't sitting around bored dwelling on it.
    Would not be more safe to break up when she is on her period? It starts 2 weeks from here...and i afraid that in the middle of the process of breaking up , she may have sex with anyone and.. you know the history.. im dont want to be forced to be the father of a child that i didn't make. Also, we had unprotected sex, and even she taking the pills, im not hundred percent. I want to cut all the contact.

    Finally....ummmm yeah....twice a year for checkups? Yeash, girl is busy and not in a good way. Keep in mind that checkups are just that - some diseases don't have a cure. One of the long time posters here just shared in another thread that his cheating wife gave him HPV from which he now has cancer. Cheating is a very serious issue and not something to be forgiven or brushed under the rug. Way too many people out there keep trying to sell bs that cheating makes relationships better, you should forgive, you should repair....seriously? For what? So you can get something deadly, courtesy of the poor attention wh..... ? I don't think so. Only way to deal with cheaters is to evict them from your life with extreme prejudice. As the old saying goes - when someone shows you who they are, believe them .
    It never occour to me, that maybe she was doing to check for stds. The first time i asked, she said it was for her skin problem, that her dermatologist said it was a hormonal problem, and she need to be checked for everything. But strangely she kept doing check ups since our first year of dating.

    Some things i forgot to mention:

    *When i confronted her about the conversation with the guy the second time, somehow the guy knew she had a skin problem (some kind of rash, i dont remember the name, the skin gets red in some areas,it burns and itches a lot), buuuut... wasnt visible in her face, only her body, so how could he had know? When i asked her, she said she encountered him two times in person, but it was not premeditated ( he works at her father company, and sometimes she goes there to get money with her father), and eventualy, one of thoses times she end up tolding him.
    *The guy knew the exact time to text her, because it was the time i was not around her and would not be looking at her phone.
    *The guy has a girlfriend too.

    I know all this situation is pretty embarissing, but all my friends had mixed opinions of what i should do. Your advices are being very helpful to me.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Do you live together?
    If you do not live together, gather her belongings that may be at your place and return them to her. In one sentence tell her you are moving on and then stop communicating with her.

    It does not have to be more complicated than this if you're just dating and do not live together.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Do you live together?
    If you do not live together, gather her belongings that may be at your place and return them to her. In one sentence tell her you are moving on and then stop communicating with her.

    It does not have to be more complicated than this if you're just dating and do not live together.
    ^This. Try not to over complicate the break up. There is no good time to break up, it's just something you need to do. So better rip off the bandaid than drag your feel until you become complacent, get back to hoping that this time she morphed into someone else, and go back to accepting being cheated on. The more short, straight and to the point you are, the better. Once the message is communicated, cut her off. After the way she has treated you, she doesn't deserve any explanations or some kind of a weepy scene or closure. Only closure is "I don't do cheating. You are out. Don't ever contact me again." Boom done. Yes, that short. Expect her to try and argue, but it's on you to cut her off, tell her that you aren't interested anymore and literally walk away no matter what drama she tries to throw at you.

    Sometimes, the trouble with friends and family is that their advice is biased. Meaning that they know how much you care, etc. so they are liable to tell you what you want to hear and pacify you rather than telling you the harsh truth. Once you dump her, I think you'll be surprised to find out how many of your friends will cheer and say, "well about time you got rid of her!"

  7. #16
    Originally Posted by Dylan Paul
    I know, the situation itself is a reason to me break up with her. Problem is that, with the feelings i have for her, i dont even know were to start...
    And , with this thing her friend said to her, literally, i dont know what to think anymore... she was just talking to the guy , or phisically cheating ? If so, was just this guy, or she was doing with everybody?

    I confronted her about what her friend from college was saying... she freaked out. She said she didn't know what i was talking about, and i was extremely insecure for looking at her phone again. I kept asking her , over and over, but she continued to put the blame ON ME.
    The next day, she made her friend send an audio to her phone, apologizing to me, saying that what she said, was not what I was thinking (!!!!!!??????)
    Surprisingly, in this audio where her friend tried to explain the meaning of her sentence, she said nothing at all (neither of the two options I put in this thread), and stuttered a lot. Is this a evidence that she was cheating , and her friend knew?
    That is a classic response of a cheater when confronted. They try to turn it all around on you and blame you for it all. Just know that you are NOT to blame at all. You weren't the disloyal one so you are well within your rights to confront her about it. Don't let her make you believe what she is saying. It's all manipulation. Don't stand for it.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Dylan,

    I know you want proof positive that she cheated so it will be easier for your to end this but unless you walk in on her doing this guy you will never get it. I saw you ask if she physically cheated which is common but emotional cheating in my opinion is much worse. Just because there has or has not been penetration really doesn't matter in the big picture does it? Think on that.

    I hope you get the courage to end this, not because she is cheating but because you are miserable in this relationship. What you are experiencing is not healthy at all.

    We all know this is hard but you need to do what is best for you long term, even if that means short term pain and loneliness. After you pull the plug on this keep your good friends close, they will support you.

    Keep posting

    Lost

  9. #18
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    Rose Mosse

    No, we dont. She is my first girlfriend tought, i think thats why im feeling
    so attached. It really breaks my heart that maybe i was a second option to her in the beginning of our relationship, and she might have some feeling about this guy till today. But now, my problem got bigger, because i dont doubt just about her and this guy, i feel insecure about EVERYONE. I lost all the trust.
    I have all her social media passwords, and phone password.

    DancingFool

    I still didn't end things. I stopped responding her texts yesterday,and she called me very pissed. She wanted to know why i stopped talking with her , and i just said that i was not feeling ok and needeed some space to think about stuff. We chat a litte, and i asked about the blood test she made some weeks ago , and eventualy will take to the doctor today.
    I asked if i could go with her to the doctor to see the results (just to see her reaction), and immeadiately she said NO. I asked why, and she started to say that i was crazy, insecure, neurotic... all the adjectives for a beta male. I dind't responded her curses, and said if she wanted to talk to me she going wait till tomorrow. Do you think she got an ideia of what im about to do?
    Im already packed her stuff. She didn't called yet. Planning to end things today when i leave work.

    RayofLighten


    She always do that stuff. When i was still fighting about our relationship, i started to inquire her about things, and she always said that i was out of my mind,making me doubt of myself. She changed her version of the facts several times, lied about what i was asking to protect herself. Really got me crazy.
    Worst thing is, that she painted me to her friends as some crazy jealous boyfriend. There was this time she got out with her friend, and it was getting late... i started calling her, and she didn't responded. I got pissed, and when she answered, i started cursing her. She hang up, and her friend started calling me via videochat. Really disrescpectful.


    lostandhurt

    Im thinking about doing that today. I had trouble to sleep yesterday. It sucks that, if i had finished this thing when she talked with him the second time , maybe would recover faster because i was pissed at her. Now, time has passed, i am more attached to her, and its harder, even knowing she is a compulsive liar. A lot going on in my mind right now.

    Thank you for all the support guys (and girls)

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You'll know what to do when the time comes. Maybe not today. Who knows. Good luck either way. I have faith in you that eventually you'll do what's right for you.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Isn't this a lot over overkill to get a friend to testify? At this point everyone is playing games and the relationship is basically over.
    Originally Posted by Dylan Paul
    The next day, she made her friend send an audio to her phone, apologizing to me, saying that what she said, was not what I was thinking

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