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Thread: Who pays for drinks, coffee or dinner etc on a first date

  1. #1
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    Who pays for drinks, coffee or dinner etc on a first date

    Hi all! I'm asking this question on behalf of my son (28 yrs old). He mentioned to me a few days ago that he pays for his share of the bill (or splits the bill) when on a first date whether he meets his date just for drinks, coffee, for lunch only, or dinner. Is that a turn-off to a woman? I haven't dated in 31 years so I have no idea what is the norm, if any, nowadays. I would appreciate your input. Thanks!

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    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I'm old fashioned. I think the guy should pay for the first date, but other more enlightened folks might disagree. ;)

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    I go into all dates fully expecting to pay for myself (and pulling out my card when the time comes). For me, I consider it a pleasant surprise when the guy pays.

    That said, I would say I’m “pleasantly surprised” about 80% of the time.

    I will say, though, that I’m fairly independent and I do have some girlfriends who would “next” someone who did not pay. They tend to be more traditional in values in other ways too.

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    Right or wrong, if a man expected me to pay half, I'd probably assume he wasn't all that into me.

    I don't think a man should pay, he's not obligated to pay, but it's a very nice thing to do when he likes a woman and wants to continue dating her.

    This thinking comes from the way I was raised, back east in New York where the men are very gallant and well, maybe a bit old-fashioned.

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    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Call me cheap but I like a first date where no one pays. My husband impressed me with his savvy on our first date and it was fun. We went on a hike together for about 3 hours. I don't recommend this for everyone but I'll just say it was a fairly frequented trail and of course we met beforehand for a few minutes and chatted before heading to the trail. I'm also fairly certain I would have successfully pushed him off a boulder if I felt threatened.

    Go for a walk, check out some sights and sounds, chat at a park or meet in a public space. There's lots to do where you don't have to pay a cent. Save your money for other things when you're more involved with each other. It was later on that he took me to very nice places and introduced me to people he knew in his industry.

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    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    If it's a cheap date, I don't mind the guy paying, but I always offer to chip in and don't count it against them if they take me up on it. I am very unattached to gender typical behavior, though, and have the money to pay for myself. I definitely make sure to pay for myself if I'm not interested.

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    Platinum Member happyfrank's Avatar
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    I just went on a first date and I invited her to eat.

    She scared me since she wanted me to meet her family. Paying for a meal is a small price to pay to feel if it's a match.

    I think planning hiking or adventure activity puts you in line to be friend zoned early in the courtship. That's just me.

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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    I'm old fashioned. I think the guy should pay for the first date, but other more enlightened folks might disagree. ;)
    Yes, I'm with you! I will say that I was a bit taken back when my son told me this.

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    Originally Posted by RedDress
    I go into all dates fully expecting to pay for myself (and pulling out my card when the time comes). For me, I consider it a pleasant surprise when the guy pays.

    That said, I would say I’m “pleasantly surprised” about 80% of the time.

    I will say, though, that I’m fairly independent and I do have some girlfriends who would “next” someone who did not pay. They tend to be more traditional in values in other ways too.
    I think I'd do the same (puling out my card) and I also would be pleasantly surprised. I am old fashioned and I'd like a guy to offer to pay, or pay - LOL!

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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Right or wrong, if a man expected me to pay half, I'd probably assume he wasn't all that into me.

    I don't think a man should pay, he's not obligated to pay, but it's a very nice thing to do when he likes a woman and wants to continue dating her.

    This thinking comes from the way I was raised, back east in New York where the men are very gallant and well, maybe a bit old-fashioned.
    Yup, I agree. It would make a nice impression on me if the guy were to pay.

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