Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 19

Thread: No Contact is killing me

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    8

    No Contact is killing me

    My ex boyfriend and I broke up in September. Since then we have kept minimal contact, and slept together a few times. In December I talked to him for closure, and reassured me that there is no chance of us getting back together. However I still could not accept the breakup. I have gone through the cycle of blocking him/unblocking, and doing things to get his attention. Now and then we have lighthearted conversations, but I am (of course) always the one starting the conversation.
    I have tried no-contact many times but I have failed. I can't seem to get past 2 weeks without needing to reach out. It only seems like he will text me back when he wants to have sex. I have denied the last few times though.
    I tried to start NC again last Monday. It was extremely hard this time, as I have seen him around in public recently. Last night I caved and replied to one of his snapchat stories. He left me on read (didn't reply) and I honestly felt SO crushed. It led me to a near panic attack and I was bawling my eyes out until I fell asleep. I also feel like I betrayed myself for breaking no contact again. We said we would try to be civil and be friends, but he has not acted like it at all (by ignoring me) and I feel bad for blocking him on social media since we have broke up so long ago. He might think I'm still not over it, which I don't want him to think.
    I want to go out and have fun with my friends, but I know I will see him at the bars that we go to, and it ruins my night. At this point I don't even know if I want him back, I am just so lonely and obsessed with focusing my life around him.
    I have tried exercising, meditating, studying, etc. and I still can't fully alter my train of thought. I have even tried dating again, which was unsuccessful.
    No contact is SO incredibly hard for me, it feels like I'm battling myself and that he will eventually completely forget about me. He is acting like we never even dated, and I feel like I don't even know who he is anymore.
    I have so many quotes and articles saved on my phone for battling no contact, but it has been unsuccessful each time. It also doesn't help that I'm good friends with his friends, so I hear about him a lot. I feel like my day revolves around getting attention from him, and everything I do, I do it because I know he might see me/see what I post.
    If anyone has been in a similar position, please tell me what you did and how things are now. Also I would appreciate if anyone has advice on how to stay strong and get this guy out of my mind.

  2. #2
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    9
    Go cold turkey, block and delete his number and all social media. So that it will be impossible to contact him ( even to the point of deleting call history so you can't still find his number). It sound like he's only causing you more pain. You need to take the time to heal and it might take a while. But looking for his attention in every possible way is only going to reopen your wound and make the healing process take longer imo
    Do you have any hobbies? Or try out new things and focus on becoming the best version of yourself. And if you want to go out with your friends, maybe try going out in a different place/city, just so your focus won't be on running into your ex but enjoying your time with friends.
    It might seem now like you'll never get over it, but time really does heal all wounds

  3. #3
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    887
    Gender
    Female
    Do you feel comfortable expressing here(anonymously on this forum) what you want from him? ie. express what your unfinished business is. What happened?

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Posts
    152
    Honestly reading your story just made me so sad b.c I was in this very position nota few years ago and I donít wish this type of torture on anyone. This is going to be hard to read, but you need to understand that youíre literally chasing someone who does not take you seriously. Itís entertaining for him that you keep reaching out to him, he probably laughs about it with his friends. You need to understand that youíre worth more than this type of treatment youíre receiving from this clown. You need to do what it takes to cut him off, if that means deleting and blocking him please do it.

    Trust me I understand that this is extremely difficult, but you need to make the tough decision to cut him of now for your future wellbeing. If you are not careful these type of feelings youíre having will linger on for a very long time. If you feel the urge to unblock him, you can always come post here

  5.  

  6. #5
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    976
    Gender
    Female
    These are not the actions of a man who cares about your well-being. Friendship is not possible. He has used you for sex, and now that you've cut off the physical relationship, he is ignoring you.

    I would recommend seeking professional help. You are moving into obsession territory and it is making you ill. No judgment from me, because I've been in a similar state in the past.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    9,615
    Gender
    Female
    It gets harder before it gets better.
    You need to treat it like an addiction. Much like abstaining from alcohol. You take one drink, you fall off the wagon and start all over again from the beginning.

    You reached out on Snap chat? Consider this day one.

    Every time you think you are in NC and you contact him in any way, you start all over again.

    I don't know about you, but I'd hate to have to keep starting over, especially when the first few days or weeks are the worst. (as you are currently experiencing)

    Be done. Close the door. Acknowledge that it hurts like h*ll and the only way to other side is to not*contact*him*again.

    That's what NC is about. Not this back and forth thing you are doing. You are only making it more difficult and at the same time losing respect for yourself.

    Day one. . begins now.
    Hang in there. There are no short cuts.

  8. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    8
    I just want to thank everyone so much who has replied to this. I was really not thinking anyone would answer and I am really appreciative of all your advice, as I donít feel comfortable talking about this with anyone. I will try to reply to each one of you individually. <3

  9. #8
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    8
    You are completely right. He would always say that he will always care about me but I guess actions will ALWAYS speak louder than words. Thank you

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    California
    Posts
    4,054
    Gender
    Male
    Lets start with the obvious. You are holding on and you have not accepted that its over. I mean truly over. You keep thinking that he is going to pick up the phone and say I miss you or you will hear something that gives you just enough hope to carry you to the next day or the next week. You get your hopes up that you two will be together but then when he doesn't respond, you cry. Or hold on to the promise of being 'friends' So you bravely wave the flag of friendship hoping he sees you in the same way the looked at you when you two dated. You are thinking maybe if we remain friends, he will see how much he missed you.

    If what you are doing is not working, then you will have to change what you are doing. And you are going to have to look in the mirror and admit to yourself that it is over. He is going to fall in love with another girl, he is going to kiss her, have sex with her, and hug her and you have to understand the next time you fall in love and kiss someone and have sex with someone its going to be with another guy. The sooner you can accept that, the sooner you can begin to heal.

    Now, I totally get what you are feeling and what you are going thru. I think most of us here can relate. It is a vicious cycle. But you must change how you think. Being 'there' for him in any capacity is not going to help you. If you really truly want to get yourself in a better position to heal, then you must accept that it is over and wish him (in your own mind) to have a good life. And then you purge him from your life, that means: Delete his number from your phone, cut all social media ties with him, delete all text messages or any messages he has sent you, any gifts must be thrown away, anything of his that you have including a shirt, hat or toothbrush must be thrown away and not as an excuse to see if he wants it back. If he did, he would of asked for it by now. You have to start today fresh without your X in your life in the physical or electrical world. Don't follow him, don't even peek at it because I can tell you if you do, it will make you cry. So if you do cry, its your own fault because you asked for it.

    Remember... you control your own happiness. No one is going to do it for you. You have to be the one to stand up, dust yourself off, and be the strong one to take steps forward. Your X is on his own path and you have to be on yours now. You can do this. You have to change your mindset, instead of saying words like "cant" change it to "haven't" So instead of saying "I cant cut contact" you say "I haven't cut contact". "I cant move on" is replaced with "I haven't moved on" Notice the difference?

    In the end, you will be happy again, but accept its going to be with a new guy. And this new guy is going to be better.. just put faith in yourself.

  11. #10
    Member Flipp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Location
    Norway
    Posts
    56
    Gender
    Female
    I'm not a hardcore believer/fan of strict NC, but as a tool to help yourself, it's a good thing.

    I thought in the same ways you did for about 4 weeks after the BU. I had regular contact via sms and Snapchat with my ex, and we had long chating sessions at least one or two times every week for those 4 weeks. Then he told me he'd met someone, and THEN I went full NC.

    I did it to

    1) give him a clear cut picture of what he'd chosen (he wanted to stay in touch as "friends", because he "cared about me"), and NC was a way of saying nope, this is how it'll be when you choose the way you do.
    2) give me an oportunity to heal. For me the hardest part was to be reminded of things we did, memories, life together, how effing handsome he is etc... So I just deleted everything, backed up all the pictures to some little harddisc, and deleted them from everywhere, unfriended him on facebook etc. I din't need to block him, because for me it was just torture to even see his name, so I was never even tempted to go to his facebook page or something to see what he was up to.
    3) survive...

    8 months on, I actually did break NC to contact him about something, and it did nothing revolutionary to my life, other than making me feel more in power of this situation. I've actually made some progress about things, he has not... It's knowledge that shouldn't define my emotional state of mind, but it's a sort of relief. Even if he never does anything to get me back or break off with newgirl, - because it means that I ment something to him. That losing me actually impacted him. And thats comforting, regardles of the ultimate outcome.

    So my point is, NC is not the solution to everything forever. But right now it sounds lik it'll do YOU good. He doesn't deserve you being there when he needs a little attention, he's shown that. NC might help you to get in controll and move on.

    But I think it's all about the attitude. The one thing I truly knew with all my heart, was that every time I spoke to him or saw him, and he didn't say or do the things I needed him to (proclame his love, regret his actions etc etc), it was so excruciatingly painful for me. And I couldn't stand that pain. It was worse than missing him. And knwoing that kept me from contacting him in the hardest, few weeks, kept me from stalking newgirl , even when SHE texted she after stalking ME and wanting me to remove things about my ex or about me and him... So my ultimate advice is to find something like this to hold on to when it's at it's worst, and find a diversion. I went to the stables, or called a friend that talked me out of it. And then it gets easier. It's hard though, it just is.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •