Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 45

Thread: Breaking up with possible Borderline (BPD).

  1. #1

    Breaking up with possible Borderline (BPD).

    My gf & I have been dating off & on since 2012. I feel like I've put up with so much. I also don't feel like the direction we had in mind will ever come into fruition. She seems to think so. She likes to set things up in the future so we have "mini commitments". I dread those things somewhat. I think she has extreme mood swings... attributing it to BPD. She seems to think they're related to PMS. I think it happens too often to be PMS. I also think there's negativity that will last all day long. Sometimes I feel very bad allowing other friends/family in the vicinity to experience the negativity. I'd say she's a pessimist. I probably don't treat her all that great... or I remain unemotional during the times she's in these "moods". I used to engage.. and we would be in fiery arguments. I guess you could say, I'm getting burnt out. I think she feels my detachment and tries to cover it up with affection. I also feel like I can't be 100% myself around her. I have to be careful what I say or what I reveal. She doesn't get my humor. She doesn't really have a sense of humor or it's a bit dark. Sometimes I feel like i'm walking on eggshells. I feel that things are very complicated with the history we've had together.. and I don't feel like a sudden break-up is the right way about it. Is there some sort of questionnaire for Borderline personality disorder ? Is there a break up questionnaire as well ? Thanks.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    5,556
    Gender
    Female
    I dont know about any quizzes you can take but you two sure dont right for each other.

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    52
    Posts
    36,098
    Gender
    Female
    It is best not to diagnose our partners. And borderline personality disorder is not going to be diagnosed by a Quizz. A lot of times it can take a psychiatrist many months to fully diagnose that .

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    19,759
    Stop diagnosing. it does not matter. You are not compatible or happy.

    If you are looking for a break up questionnaire, why don't you Google it?

    End it. Don;t know why you would drag this out? Look up co dependency for yourself.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    16,590
    Gender
    Female
    Is there some sort of questionnaire for Borderline personality disorder ?
    It's not a guessing game, but rather an illness that only a professional can diagnose. Either way, it may be time to throw in the towel.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,207
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Gyroscope00
    My gf & I have been dating off & on since 2012. I feel like I've put up with so much. I also don't feel like the direction we had in mind will ever come into fruition. She seems to think so. She likes to set things up in the future so we have "mini commitments". I dread those things somewhat. I think she has extreme mood swings... attributing it to BPD. She seems to think they're related to PMS. I think it happens too often to be PMS. I also think there's negativity that will last all day long. Sometimes I feel very bad allowing other friends/family in the vicinity to experience the negativity. I'd say she's a pessimist. I probably don't treat her all that great... or I remain unemotional during the times she's in these "moods". I used to engage.. and we would be in fiery arguments. I guess you could say, I'm getting burnt out. I think she feels my detachment and tries to cover it up with affection. I also feel like I can't be 100% myself around her. I have to be careful what I say or what I reveal. She doesn't get my humor. She doesn't really have a sense of humor or it's a bit dark. Sometimes I feel like i'm walking on eggshells. I feel that things are very complicated with the history we've had together.. and I don't feel like a sudden break-up is the right way about it. Is there some sort of questionnaire for Borderline personality disorder ? Is there a break up questionnaire as well ? Thanks.
    You could just google borderline personality disorder and see if she measures up to most or all of the criteria... however; whether she is or she isn't BPD'ered isn't relevant. Your focus should be on why you keep putting up with all of this and going back after breaking up 12 times.

    If you're going to google, BPD also google "codependency" and educate yourself about that as well because not getting away from someone who you can't keep it together with is one of the criteria of the codependent. I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm just suggesting some reading material that may encourage you to get the strength to stay gone from her.

    Time to get yourself away from her and maybe get the help of a therapist to guide you in how to keep gone from her. You do believe you deserve to be happy and treated well, right?

  8. #7
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Location
    The emerald city
    Posts
    731
    Gender
    Male
    ...dating off & on since 2012... I also feel like I can't be 100% myself around her. I have to be careful what I say or what I reveal. She doesn't get my humor. She doesn't really have a sense of humor or it's a bit dark. Sometimes I feel like i'm walking on eggshells.
    This doesn't sound like a relationship where you two are truly compatible. Were the "off" times in the past linked to the aftermath of the fiery arguments?

    Rather than trying to diagnose her, look at some information written by qualified psychologists, about healthy relationships having a balance of power between the partners.

    If you try to re-establish your own personal validity by being yourself, she might do the breaking up for you.

  9. #8
    Well of course i'm not a doctor or psychologist. But I do know there are personality disorders. I just wish I knew more about them & how to really recognize the signs. She is on AD's. Her & I did go see a counselor for a few months. I felt I was the level headed one through the sessions. She almost took the aim of trying to point out all the things I was doing wrong in the relationship & how I need to create more of a loving & nurturing environment. The problem with disorders/mood swings is.. in the back of my mind I don't think it's someone's direct fault for the way they're behaving. & It's really odd how we could have an entire day filled with negative energy. Then I will snap via yelling/arguing. Then the following day it's business as usual.. she's nice and giving... (it's almost like the day before didn't happen). Ok.. all of you are telling me to end it & get on with my life. & I need to hear that if this will be the right decision for me... because it will be a drastic one.. considering how much we pretend to friends & family that everything has been going great. She's been seeing all the new nieces & nephews I have on my siblings side. (she probably has a bit of baby fever) We've been back together this time around for about 13 months. We have been engaged probably 3 years ago. We haven't really started the marriage discussion this time around... As her son is getting married this summer, so the focus has been more towards that. We started moving in the direction to combine houses & focusing on planning for the future. I started construction projects at her house.. I started moving some of my belongings in. She likes to map out how we can get it all figured out & live happily ever after. Then last month we took a trip out of state for a week... and for me to endure 24 hours a day with her.. was rough... and too be honest I've been waiting for an extreme reason to end the relationship. I just can't find one yet. I also work long days that are very mentally draining.. so it's been hard for me to focus on processing everything with this relationship. She's never been the one to do the breaking up... (which would make this much easier.) She says she loves me, wants to care for me & wants us to have a beautiful life together. (I keep thinking it's a trap). I know if i'm on the fence of marrying this woman & having children.. that has to be a direct sign right ? If I look back at all pictures of places we've gone/stuff we've done.. I can say that we have had quite a history over 7 years... & I would be throwing it all away. (which I've done in the past) When we've gotten back together.. things are great for a few months.. or in this case almost a year.. then the grim reality starts setting in. I guess what I'm looking for is how I can process through all this so I'm not making it devastating for her. I have a goal in mind for this summer. Thanks for all the feedback.

  10. #9
    Thanks I need to hear stuff like this. As I feel I've raveled up an even larger ball of yarn this time around. I really need to get all 7 years out out on the table. Because they seem like a blur to me. I can't pinpoint what years we've broken up and for what duration. & the reasoning for breaking up and getting back together. (That will take hours of therapy type discussion). I'll just say.. that it's almost like it feels like the only thing to do.. for me to be happy. During the in-betweens.. I probably didn't take enough time away for myself. To really develop my own Self Identity. I did date casually.. but also felt like things would start to get complicated with some girls I would be seeing. I really enjoyed my independence... but I think I couldn't find another girl with the personality traits I was looking for.... hence me going back to my ex. It almost felt like some mysterious force would bring us back together again. Like we could randomly see each other in public.. and different signs would appear over the next few weeks.. it was very interesting. & I would start reminiscing of all the good times we had together. Also wanted to add, i'm the type of person that is ok remaining friends (at a distance) with anyone.. ex's or not. She likes to shut me out/have nothing to do with me and totally treats me like the enemy, when we've broken up.
    Last edited by Gyroscope00; 03-25-2019 at 09:33 PM.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    19,759
    I am certain she will survive.

    It sounds miserable. Don't understand why you prolong this.

Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •