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Thread: Physical contact on the first date

  1. #1
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    Physical contact on the first date

    Hi everyone,

    I had a date last Friday and although the guy was nice, the thing that put me off was his excessive touching. Iím not a prude and donít mind a light touch on the shoulder on the first date, but this guy touched my elbow, my arm, and my hair. He also tried to hug me which I find a bit too much, especially since it was the first time I met him.

    We matched on Tinder and texted for two days before he asked me out, so it was a complete stranger. I didnít have many Tinder dates so far, all my ex boyfriends were my friends before we started dating, so this concept is pretty new to me. I googled briefly some dating advice and it seems that physical contact on first dates is encouraged. Am I being oversensitive when this makes me uncomfortable? I just find it weird when a man is trying to touch me when he barely knows me.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Who in the heck is encouraging touching on a first date?

    Yes, it happens but in my opinion, I think it's a sad habit people have gotten used to in this day and age. Touching etc on the first few dates, people seem to hit fast forward and it's sad.
    Romance has flown out the window.

    I completely agree with you, it's inappropriate and it's not a comfortable thing.

    I know there are some who have a different opinion and are fine with touching right away, but that's okay for them that doesn't mean you have to follow suit.
    If you're not into touching right away and find it creepy, then tell him you're not into it.
    It's your right and it's your date too, you can decide how you want it to go or not want it to go.

    In my opinion, the first few dates should be about talking, forming a friendship seeing if you're even compatible.
    If he is moving too fast, tell him or move onto someone else who won't push.
    Last edited by SherrySher; 03-25-2019 at 04:21 PM.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    No. Listen to your gut instincts and do not second guess yourself.

    Aside from his penchant for physical contact, how else did his demeanour come across?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Oh and by the way, Tinder is a hookup app so most people you meet on there will assume you're looking for quick sex.

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  6. #5
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    Have to agree with SherryStar. Dating websites such as Match, eHarmony and in some ways, Plenty of Fish, tend to have more relationship reminded people on them. Although, even then, itís still best to take precautions as unfortunately theyíre not totally free of players, people who just want a quick sex fix and the like.

    Nothing wrong if someone just wants to have sex. However, there are some people that can trick others into a relationship (which could include them being very eager to touch you a lot on the first date or two, unless I suppose youíve given them permission to do so), so they can do something sexual. And then likely disappear after once theyíve had their fun.

  7. #6
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I wonder if you used body language to discourage him? When he touches your hair, you could pull away from him and frown. If he continues, just say, "Hey, I wish you wouldn't do that."

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    I know it's pretty much a hook up but then again, some of my friends met their boyfriends on Tinder. Usually the guys who are only after sex mention it pretty much at the beginning, and the guy I met didn't talk about sex. Actually our conversation was pretty decent, so that's why I was probably surprised by how touchy feely he was.

    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Oh and by the way, Tinder is a hookup app so most people you meet on there will assume you're looking for quick sex.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You have a right to prevent people from invading your personal space no matter the situation. I know when my stepdaughter first started working, she said a male co-worker was touching her in this way and I told her that she needed to tell him she didn't want him doing that, and if he thought she was B for saying so, that was his issue and that not every person needed to like her.

    The first time he touched me, I would've smiled and said, "Oh, just so you know, I'm not comfortable with touchy-feely stuff until I get a comfort level with a person, and that's never on the first date." Something to that effect. If he balks, argues, makes you feel like a cold fish, etc., end the date at that point because he's a jerk. If he respects your wishes and is apologetic, you can decide if you want to get to know him any further.

    You might want to try meet up.com for a less stressful way of dating. Good luck.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    No. Listen to your gut instincts and do not second guess yourself.

    Aside from his penchant for physical contact, how else did his demeanour come across?
    He was sweet, paid for my drinks, talked about our second date, made it clear he wanted to see me again. He texted me after the date that I was amazing and made plans for date no.2.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I went out with a guy that did the same as above... touched my arm, hands, shoulder, etc... he was from Brazil where physical touch is very common and accepted culturally so I didn't see it as disrespectful, but I also wasn't comfortable with it at all. I don't mind a hug upon meeting and/or leaving as I tend to be a hugger myself but otherwise I like having my personal space respected while I am getting to know someone.

    OP it's entirely up to you and what you are comfortable with... there is no right or wrong here and no "normal".

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