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Thread: Ex/Friend in a different country

  1. #1

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    Ex/Friend in a different country

    My very close female friend moved to another country about a month ago. She also happens to be my ex, and our friendship only rekindled weeks before she moved away.

    Of course, that friendship wasn't quite normal, as we immediately became very flirtatious and almost hooked up a few times. As soon as she moved I became aware of feelings I had for her, but knew it would never work out as she we don't have the funds to see each other for a long while.

    Being a close friend, she kept in touch by calling often. I knew that in order for me to get over her I needed to distance myself, but it proved difficult as she would call everyday in fear of losing touch. (She likes to spend time with people, this is just the way she is -- don't take it as a sign she likes me.) At this point I have been able to decrease her calls to once a week, and have given it a good month for her to lose feelings in case she had any.

    As for me, I have sunk into the realization that this girl really is the perfect one for me. I think everyone has that person that nobody can top and for me that is her. But once again, our paths are pointing in VERY separate directions and I am 100% sure any attempt at a relationship is a horrible idea. I would like some advice on how to get over this girl as it is a leading source of depression for me. I have tried "getting out" and "meeting new women," but in all circumstances it leads to disappointment and therefore a stronger longing for this girl. The fact that I have to keep in touch with her helps in NO way, but I cannot ghost her as I have a duty as a friend to be there.

    What do I do.

  2. #2
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    You already know what you have to do, though it will be painful. As long as you maintain this 'fake' friendship (and I call it a fake friendship because I don't think an ex can ever really be a friend if there are still feelings) you will be incapable of getting on with your life and finding the right person.

    You don't HAVE to keep in touch with her. That's absurd. You need to write her a letter in which you state that you still have feelings for her and you think it best that you cease contact. Wish her well. If she continues to call you every day after you've told her that, she's a putz.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I agree with SarahLancaster.

  4. #4
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Your first duty is to yourself. Lose the connections to her. You're not taking care of yourself. A friend would understand that basic concept. She sounds incredibly self-serving and mindless if she seeks your company and if, at the same time, she's aware of your feelings for her.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    I also agree with Sarah. You can't sacrifice your happiness so yes, I recommend going no-contact with her so that you can get over her. Good luck.


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