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Thread: What should I do

  1. #1

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    What should I do

    I'm an 18 years old girl, and I've been in 2 steady relationships, which both ended badly. My exes cheated on me and left me reason being i didnt want to sleep with them. I was mad at myself for making a big deal out of just losing my virginity. So i decided to lose it to a guy who i barely knew so that i would not be too attached and wouldnt make a big deal out of sleeping with any other guy i got into a relationship with later. So I did go out with a guy, thinking it was a one time thing, but he then got me pregnant. Surprisingly, he turned out to be extremely sweet and caring and even said to marry me if I have the baby and be by my side even if I aborted. My first thought was to abort, because I hardly knew him even though we talk alot, it was only a month. But then he continued being a sweet person and I was slowly starting to get attached and fall for him. This made me have 2nd thoughts about removing the baby. Maybe I can build a family with him. So, here's where the problem starts, I wanted to tell him maybe we should keep the baby and how would he feel about that. But I was also scared if I allowed myself to be vulnerable he might hurt me like my exes did later, so, I tried to tell him in a 'tough' way that im keeping the baby, and if I remove it then I might as well should stop dating him or anyone else becos I can't handle the consequences of dating. But I must've worded myself wrong because I said "if I remove the baby then we should stop seeing eachother", he was extremely hurt and walked away without hearing me finish, and even though I called to tell him everything, he said he dosnt care anymore and I should do whatever I want. This really hurt me becos I was trying to tell him I want to be with him, even though I apologised and explained myself he seemed to make up his mind. Also, he is friends with my ex, so when I told him how my ex hurt me and I cried, he just laughed at me and mocked me, telling me how I'm going to hell for removing the baby and how he was going to tell everyone about how my ex played me. I cannot believe he is reacting this way and I feel terribly hurt becos it was all just a misunderstanding. I don't know what to do, should I call him again or give him time to think or leave him. I'm so confused, I'm pregnant and lots of thoughts are running through my head, regardless, I'm raised in a Christian household so even though I was thinking of aborting my conscious wouldn't let me, and I think I'm gonna have it whether his in it with me or not. Still, how do I make him understand that I'm just scared to getting attached and played when he is being so unresponsive?? Please help, this is driving me nuts.

  2. #2
    Firstly, it's disgusting the way you say 'removing the baby'. It's a vile way to describe it. Secondly, you have gone about everything completely the wrong way. You have an awful attitude and are now facing the consequences for it. You hurt the one guy who was willing to stand by you, marry you and raise a child with you. He said those cruel things because of that. It was a really hurtful thing that you said. Saying that, you have made it clear what you actually meant and that you are keeping the baby, so just give him some space to calm down and to think rationally. He will come around soon enough.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You should have the baby if you feel it's the right thing for you at this time in your life. Don't let anyone else cloud your judgments. You make that on your own.

    Your boyfriend reacted poorly because he was insecure (both of you are insecure). Unfortunately, what ended up hurting you was him revealing what he really thinks about you and you saw him lose his patience. Your focus should be on your pregnancy and deciding whether you can raise the child on your own if need be. If raising a child is not something you see putting your heart and soul into, aborting or allowing the baby to be adopted after the pregnancy may be your better options.

    I'd strongly suggest you seek guidance from trained professionals in alternate options regarding pregnancy (adoption) and do more research on abortion. Go out and find a local clinic that will help you reach the decision that's best for you and be wise about the professionals and clinics you speak to (some will be less pro-choice than others or skewed to one way of thinking). Spend more time thinking about this (because you don't have much time) and less time wondering too minutely about what your boyfriend's every move may mean. Stop depending on him for your own mental or emotional stability.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How do your parents feel about it?
    Originally Posted by blakaty
    I'm raised in a Christian household so even though I was thinking of aborting my conscious wouldn't let me, and I think I'm gonna have it whether his in it with me or not.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    How do your parents feel about it?
    That was my first thought too, Wiseman.

    Op: You are worrying too much about the father of the baby to be and not enough about maturely focusing on what you are going to do so switch your focus, tell your parents (if you haven't already and get their help and guidance) do you have a good relationship with them?
    I don't know where you live but here, whether he stays with you or not, if you have the baby, he would be obligated to financially support the child until the age of 18 or until he/she finishes school so he can't just wash his hands of the whole thing.

    Get the guidance you need with a trusted family member or friend because talking to us here isn't enough. You need tangible in person support and guidance.

    Have you seen your doctor yet and how many weeks are you pregnant?


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