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Thread: Don't Know if I Should Seek a New Relationship?

  1. #1

    Don't Know if I Should Seek a New Relationship?

    Hi all! New poster here.

    So, recently I started talking to an old friend of mine from high school. We were good friends but I lost touch with her when I went off to college. Recently, however, I found her on facebook and we started chatting on the messenger and have actually hung out a few times! We hit it off pretty well and I enjoy talking to her and spending time with her, and I think she does too, and we talk almost daily now.

    The only thing is that there are a few complications to starting anything with her. First, she just got out of a serious relationship with her last partner, and in fact is still working through the legal proceeds of a divorce with them. The second is that soon she will be moving to Vancouver, which is at least a day's travel away from where I currently live in Santa Cruz.

    I don't want to complicate her situation any more than it is but I really like her and can't help but thinking about how a relationship with her might develop. I also don't know how well it would work out in a long distance relationship. All the same, however, I'd like to try to be more serious with her if it's reasonable.

    That, I suppose, is my question. I'll be seeing her again this Tuesday and I wanted to know if it was at all worthwhile to pursue a relationship with her or if the timing just isn't right at all.

    Thanks in advance for any responses! Best.

  2. #2
    It's not usually a good idea to get involved with someone going through a divorce. She's going through allot and you don't want to end up being her rebound/distraction. I recommend you just be her friend for the time being until the divorce is well and truly in the past, then see what happens.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member JA0371's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by RayofLighten
    It's not usually a good idea to get involved with someone going through a divorce. She's going through allot and you don't want to end up being her rebound/distraction. I recommend you just be her friend for the time being until the divorce is well and truly in the past, then see what happens.
    Agree with this..but if you want for her to see you as bf material donít be her shoulder to cry on. Thatís what girlfriends are for. Otherwise sheíll place you in the dreaded friend zone 😏

  4. #4
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    I think that you should check her availability first:

    Is she available at the moment?

    Will she be available after the divorce and if yes, when will she get it?

    Does she want to get involved in a relationship, in general?

    If the answers to the above questions are negative, then you should abandon the idea of a relationship with her and search for someone else.

    If the answers are affirmative then -I think- that you should consider this next:

    Long distance relationships do not last long (at least mine havenít). In order for a long distance relationship to last, strong desire is needed and the promise that the distance between the two individuals involved will be temporary.

    So, if you start a relationship with her you should move over to Vancouver. The sooner the better.

    Are you willing to do so?

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  6. #5
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Santa Cruz vs. Vancouver. Is there anything in particular that's causing you unrest at SC? If you're not firmly grounded or have reason to stay I can see where you might be open to the possibility of relocating eventually. You should realize that long distance relationships are not sustainable indefinitely. If you don't realize this, maybe go back to square one and ask yourself where you're at - financially, mentally or geographically and where you see your future. You should visualize clearly what you want out of yourself and where you see yourself. Relationships should be secondary and complementary especially at this early stage.

    The divorcee issue is secondary in my mind. You have bigger problems here than dating someone going through a divorce.


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