The Pessimist

My husband is so pessimistic and doesn't even realize it. We can be having the time of our lives, but one little instance will ruin the whole trip. He is always defensive towards other people, and is never relaxed or laid back. Casual conversation is few and far between with him and others because he immediately gets hostile if he doesn't catch onto someone's sarcasm or humor. He never takes things with a grain of salt, doesn't choose his battles wisely, and will never heed my advice when I confront him about how he acts. I fear introducing him to friends, because I love him so much, but hate his attitude and outlook on life. I am such a happy person, who sees the bright side of nearly everything. It's beginning to emotionally drain me, and I hate it. We can laugh together, and he treats me like a queen most of the time (every couple argues). I just don't understand why he can't laugh things off with other people and see the bright side of situations, or generally get along with other people. One of our favorite things to do together is play poker, but l get so uncomfortable going with him because he is so confrontational and a sore loser. It's really getting to the point where fun things just turn into a disaster. What can I do to change his pessimism? I love him more than I've ever loved anyone. He isn't like this towards me, but he will complain to me to no end about situations, work, other people in his life and anything else he can and I just can't listen to the constant negativity anymore. Please help, lol.

Is he depressed?

Talk with him. I live with a perma-critical thinker (my husband). He is very intelligent and extremely perceptive, sensitive and kind/loving. Those were all the reasons I married him but as partners, it does take extra care (as in you both should be taking extra care with each other). You should try to go back and find those reasons why you fell in love with him in the first place. He may sense that you innately think he's whiny or pessimistic and he's irritated with you in general for thinking less of him.

Clear your thoughts and start fresh. Start working as a team and resist words like pessimistic when you're around him. I have a very strong feeling he is much more perceptive and aware than he seems.

I concur with the responses above.

I am not a mental health expert but it sounds like he could be depressed/have anxiety/have low self esteem/has had a rough childhood or any combination thereof. Have you thought of asking him to see a therapist?

If he gets confrontational with his friends or with you (such as that "sore loser" bit), call him on it (privately). Be respectful of his feelings but at the same time help him navigate them so you can help him get to the roots of these issues. In other words...if he won't see a therapist, maybe you can read up on these things and help him yourself. Good luck.