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Thread: Unsure

  1. #1

    Unsure

    Ok so, there’s a guy at work i am very attracted to, and have been for some time. He is 42 and single and has become a born again Christian, i am 30 and atheist. About 6 months ago, after some very serious flirting, i left my phone number on a piece of paper on his windscreen. No call or text all weekend. I asked him about it on the Monday, he said he had found it, but wasn’t sure who left it there. At this point i had to walk away so couldn’t continue the conversation. He yelled out and said that we would chat about this at a later date. A few days later, he corners me and tells me that he didn’t call because he wasn’t sure if it was me that left it and couldn’t believe that i could be interested in him. He then went on to say that he is single, but there is a woman living in Africa that ‘has his heart’. (i knew straight away that was a lie). So that was ok, i respected him for giving me an explanation due to my suspicion that he may have taken a vow of celibacy. it’s been 6 months since then, i avoided him for a while but now he is flirting with me again. Even made a point of sitting next to me at lunch, and stopping in to see me in my section at work. We are close, and we chat about our personal lives, family etc (he has an 18yr old daughter). He even said he expected to see me last weekend at his open house (even though he know's i am not looking to buy a house) i told him i didn't go as i thought it would be too much of an invasion of his privacy. He just lowered his eyes to the ground but didn't say anything. He is always kind to me, makes a point to say my name and we share jokes.
    What is going on?!! This is the first guy in a very long time that i am attracted and could see myself with in the long term.
    Another thing i feel may be important, is that he isn't in a very good financial position right now due to him losing his old business.
    So, what is going on and what do i do? This is hurting me in a way i never expected. I feel like if i ask again, i will come across as a fool as he has rejected my advances once before, but his actions are telling me that he is interested!! Do i take his initial rejection and leave it alone altogether or what?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Sorry you're confused.

    But, I have to say, I'm a bit confused. He's a Christian, you're an atheist. He's 12 years older than you. He's in the pits financially. His shows of anything bordering on flirtation are erratic and nebulous. He's mentioned another woman who has his heart...

    And yet you say you can see yourself with him long term?

    I can't help but think that what's fueling those thoughts are (a) attraction and (b) that it's been a good minute since you've felt attraction.

    A man who is keen on you, ready to be keen on you or keen in general, will clearly show it in a way that doesn't involve decoding. So just let it be. Sounds like he's just being friendly, maybe a touch flirtations, and, who knows, maybe he gets a bit more intentional with it. Or maybe not. But no need to take some sort of action, and, big picture, I'd really be questioning why you want to take action with someone you seem to have some massive value gaps with.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    I'd let this go. Not only because dating co-works is risky but also because if a man risks any possibility with you to tell you he's in love with another woman, it means that he's just not that into you. If he liked you that way it wouldn't be this illusive and talking about loving another woman. I don't see anything here conclusive that he wants to have something more with you. Sorry this is happening. Protect yourself and don't bet on fantasies.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by Rosealie7
    He then went on to say that he is single, but there is a woman living in Africa that ‘has his heart’. (i knew straight away that was a lie).
    How do you know this was a lie?

    I'm sorry OP, but I just don't see the signs that he is very interested in you. Yes, take his initial rejection and leave it alone. You tried, and kudos to you for putting yourself out there, but he turned you down. He has not since done anything to suggest he feels differently than he did before.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, what's going on is he's not asking you out. Instead, he's telling you about someone in Africa, open houses, etc.

    It's a little creepy to leave your number on cars. Between that and being a coworker it's understandable that he just wants to be polite and friendly at work, but not get involved.

    It would be best to stop pursuing him. Sexual harassment at the workplace goes both ways so stop coming on to him.
    Originally Posted by Rosealie7
    i left my phone number on a piece of paper on his windscreen.
    He then went on to say that he is single, but there is a woman living in Africa that ‘has his heart’.
    He is always kind to me, makes a point to say my name and we share jokes.
    he has rejected my advances once before

  7. #6
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rosealie7
    So, what is going on and what do i do? he has rejected my advances once before, Do i take his initial rejection and leave it alone altogether or what?
    There is nothing going on (as he is NOT interested) and you should do nothing. You have tried and were rejected. That's your cue to walk the other way. If he had any real interest you would have asked you out by now. Nothing to be unsure about.

  8. #7
    If he was interested in you he would've told you when he found out you were interested in him. But he hasn't, because he's not interested. So you would be wise to take everyone's advice and just let this go. Also, how do you know his comment about another woman in Africa is a lie? Is it just because you don't want to believe it?
    Last edited by RayofLighten; 03-25-2019 at 08:38 AM.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I'd be professional on the job and look for a guy outside of work who's heart isn't with someone else.

  10. #9
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I agree with Catfeeder. Leave him alone. Aside from sounding like a complete kook, this person isn't compatible with your beliefs. Your ego is bruised. Let sleeping dogs lie.

  11. #10

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    If you need one more to come here and tell you to let go, here I am.
    Don't waste your time there, he is not interested, you're gonna find someone else.


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