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Thread: GF pregnant..Interesting timing (30M) (26F)

  1. #11
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    So I would take a practical approach for now. Certainly go to the doctor and be there for her as a facilitator -meaning let her vent/talk etc and let her be as far as the decision she makes (unless you would not be ok with an abortion -then, yes, I think you do have input on that since it is your child too). I'd also want to know more about the choices that were made about birth control and family planning in general -had you planned on forever with her/family or not there yet?

    Then -practical -if she is pregnant start saving your money - get a job ASAP and prioritize the financial means you will need to pay for the child and give child support whether or not you are with her when she gives birth. Now that you will be a father, make sure that how you structure your life, the choices you make, put that as the top priority -the best interests of the child. Make sure you know all about how to make sure you are listed on the birth certificate, make sure that jobs you take will allow you to have at least joint custody of the child -i.e. no relocating or where you have to travel more than half the time. Further along start researching all the child care alternatives if the mom will be going back to work, etc.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry this is happening. You are doing everything right and everything you can under the circumstances. Being supportive, etc. However she seems to be looking for something else. Is she hoping you propose? Why is she vacillating between "our decision" and "my body", etc?

    What, exactly, did she mean by this? Is the sister married?

    Sister is married and her family is very excited she is having a baby.

  3. #13
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    I am not sure.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She wants what her sister has. Marriage, baby, happy family, etc. It's that simple. Why else not use birth control and after 7 mos, come up with this 'interesting timing'? Did you suddenly stop using condoms or did she suddenly go off birth control? You are being supportive, as you should be in this setting but she wants to hear "marry me! I'm so happy we're having a baby!". It's interesting that "she thought you would be mad". Mad at what? In this case yes it's her body so support whatever her decision is.
    Originally Posted by Yarmer
    Sister is married and her family is very excited she is having a baby.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    You are being supportive, as you should be in this setting but she wants to hear "marry me! I'm so happy we're having a baby!". It's interesting that "she thought you would be mad". Mad at what? In this case yes it's her body so support whatever her decision is.
    I am wondering that, too.

    Perhaps she was hoping your reaction would be a proposal, OP. I am not suggesting she intentionally got pregnant as a way to get you to marry her, to be clear, nor that marriage is necessarily a good idea right now.

    But is it possible that she's quite disappointed that you haven't suggested getting married, since learning that she is pregnant? She mentioned her family would never be so happy as to throw a gender reveal party for her; but, reading between the lines, I suspect she was trying to tell you that the reason they wouldn't be thrilled is because you two would potentially be having a baby out of wedlock.

    Just speculation, of course.But I do think you two need to talk about what would happen if you choose to have the baby. Would you want to marry? Live together without marriage? A baby will change the dynamics of your relationship, and you need to carefully consider which direction you want that to take.

  7. #16
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    OP, are you going to answer our questions?

  8. #17
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    When I told my hubby, then boyfriend that I was prego, I thought he'd be pissed too. Unless it's planned, that image really just something ingrained in all young unmarried woman that get knocked up that something is wrong.

    The whole "my parents won't throw me a gender reveal party" could be she's just nervous about what they'll think of her. And I'm sure they will throw her a baby shower, and if not, get your side of the family to throw her one!!!!!! Or throw one yourselves. But I guarantee your folks will be super happy they're going to have a grandkid.

    I thought my mom would be upset, but she was very very happy. Granted, we made that baby unknowingly one week after we were engaged. But at that time had only been dating for about 8 months, but have known eachother for over 14 years then.

    The whole it's my body; she wants to know if you are in it for the long haul. So get your resume out there! It will be fine! Does she have health insurance? Congrats if you keep it (sorry, if too soon).

    She's emotional, hormonal, and nervous. Just be cool, and take it one day at a time. Except for the job thing; take what you can get while applying to where you want.

  9. #18
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    I would not encourage any parties like gender reveal or showers -those are parties, not real life -and expectations on how people should show support and joy over a pregnancy is just going to disappoint her and distract her from what's really important. If her parents accept the news and are supportive and show happiness at the chance of being grandparents -awesome -that's above and beyond. My pregnancy was planned but also somewhat of a surprise because it was before we were married. Our parents were overjoyed and thrilled. It never ever occurred to me to expect anything else from them. Never occurred to me to expect anyone to give me gifts or throw me a party. Please do all you can to keep things realistic and practical with her because it's hard enough to plan for a baby when it's planned and when the couple have been together quite awhile, are committed ,etc. I am somewhat biased as from my perspective (I did not want a shower, gender reveal parties were not a thing back then) I see the parties just increasing and their significance increasing -from what the 'theme" should be to the food, favors, what to register for and ask for. To me that's mostly irrelevant (other than someone needs to buy diapers and wipes and onesies by the time the baby comes home from the hospital -we bought very little/assembled nothing before the baby was born and people gave me hand me downs before and some gifts after)


    What's relevant is making sure your co-parenting relationship is on solid ground and all the practicalities and support I mentioned in my previous post.

  10. #19
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    Yes, many people take on Batya's POV!

    For me, I LOVEEEEEE Parties!!! I love throwing them, being the honored one, honoring others, going to them, but I've been this way throwing parties since I was 13. Plus, I registered for everything, and got everything under the sun. So really, my point is to just get through the day. She's freaked out at the moment.

    Decide in a few months on a party if desired, but considering she burst into tears about the thought of not getting one, safe to say she really wants one. Even if it's just snacks and opening a box of balloons that may be filled with pink or blue.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck

    OP. I am not suggesting she intentionally got pregnant as a way to get you to marry her,
    Okay, then I will suggest it, cause I think it's possible, even likely, that's what happened.

    No woman goes off birth control unless she wants to have a baby, and with that baby, comes marriage, family, just what her sister has.

    And the fact this pregnancy was a surprise to OP indicates she never discussed with him - this wreaks of manipulation imo.

    I think OP knows this too, hence his "interesting timing" title, and why he's not responding to questions.

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