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GF pregnant..Interesting timing (30M) (26F)


Yarmer

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This past month has been a whirlwind and one I will remember for a long time.

 

Lost job and car in the same week.

 

On Thursday, My gf of 7 months said she was pregnant.

 

When I drove to her house (spare car parents loaned me) I was surprised how calm and collected I was. It was a happy feeling which caught me off guard. It was like my instincts kicked in. 'I have to be strong.' She was spinning; Very emotional/scared. She said she thought I'd be mad. (broke me

inside) She indicated she was surprised how happy she was too, however. We went on a walk to talk about everything. I let her know I'm here for her. (financially/emotionally

 

Friday, her mood shifted. It seemed like she was leaning on having the baby. We walked through scenerios where we'd live and even talked about where the baby would go to school. Things were calm. Things were good.

 

Saturday, we went to a gender reveal of her sisters baby (who is my age 30). Her whole family was there.

 

As we were leaving the party she said her family would never be happy and do that for her in our scenerio. Her frame of mind shifted. She was bawling crying and said she didnt want to make this decision. I let her know its our decision..She said yea but its my body. I let her know I am here for her. She said she hates being emotional around me.

 

I said its important we dont make a decision until we see the Dr. We have an apt. this week.

 

I understand this has progressed our relationship quicker than we had wanted. We are having to make a life changing decision.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

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You're 30 and having unprotected sex with your girlfriend? Sheesh, talk about irresponsible. To boot, it doesn't sound like your relationship is at a place where having a child would be recommended, and your girlfriend doesn't sound emotionally ready to handle the ordeal.

 

The best advice I can give you is to simply be supportive of her. It's her decision at the end of the day. Seriously though, you're in trouble moving forward if you think having a baby is all fun and games. Maybe help her address if this is a viable financial option for the two of you, as well as how serious you guys are about the relationship. Oh, and if she does elect to have an abortion, be aware that it sometimes has a negative psychological impact on women. Be prepared for her to, at the very least, have strong feelings associated with the choice.

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Sorry this is happening. You are doing everything right and everything you can under the circumstances. Being supportive, etc. However she seems to be looking for something else. Is she hoping you propose? Why is she vacillating between "our decision" and "my body", etc?

 

What, exactly, did she mean by this? Is the sister married?

Saturday, we went to a gender reveal of her sisters baby (who is my age 30).

 

As we were leaving the party she said her family would never be happy and do that for her in our scenerio.

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So I would take a practical approach for now. Certainly go to the doctor and be there for her as a facilitator -meaning let her vent/talk etc and let her be as far as the decision she makes (unless you would not be ok with an abortion -then, yes, I think you do have input on that since it is your child too). I'd also want to know more about the choices that were made about birth control and family planning in general -had you planned on forever with her/family or not there yet?

 

Then -practical -if she is pregnant start saving your money - get a job ASAP and prioritize the financial means you will need to pay for the child and give child support whether or not you are with her when she gives birth. Now that you will be a father, make sure that how you structure your life, the choices you make, put that as the top priority -the best interests of the child. Make sure you know all about how to make sure you are listed on the birth certificate, make sure that jobs you take will allow you to have at least joint custody of the child -i.e. no relocating or where you have to travel more than half the time. Further along start researching all the child care alternatives if the mom will be going back to work, etc.

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Sorry this is happening. You are doing everything right and everything you can under the circumstances. Being supportive, etc. However she seems to be looking for something else. Is she hoping you propose? Why is she vacillating between "our decision" and "my body", etc?

 

What, exactly, did she mean by this? Is the sister married?

 

 

Sister is married and her family is very excited she is having a baby.

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She wants what her sister has. Marriage, baby, happy family, etc. It's that simple. Why else not use birth control and after 7 mos, come up with this 'interesting timing'? Did you suddenly stop using condoms or did she suddenly go off birth control? You are being supportive, as you should be in this setting but she wants to hear "marry me! I'm so happy we're having a baby!". It's interesting that "she thought you would be mad". Mad at what? In this case yes it's her body so support whatever her decision is.

Sister is married and her family is very excited she is having a baby.
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You are being supportive, as you should be in this setting but she wants to hear "marry me! I'm so happy we're having a baby!". It's interesting that "she thought you would be mad". Mad at what? In this case yes it's her body so support whatever her decision is.

 

I am wondering that, too.

 

Perhaps she was hoping your reaction would be a proposal, OP. I am not suggesting she intentionally got pregnant as a way to get you to marry her, to be clear, nor that marriage is necessarily a good idea right now.

 

But is it possible that she's quite disappointed that you haven't suggested getting married, since learning that she is pregnant? She mentioned her family would never be so happy as to throw a gender reveal party for her; but, reading between the lines, I suspect she was trying to tell you that the reason they wouldn't be thrilled is because you two would potentially be having a baby out of wedlock.

 

Just speculation, of course.But I do think you two need to talk about what would happen if you choose to have the baby. Would you want to marry? Live together without marriage? A baby will change the dynamics of your relationship, and you need to carefully consider which direction you want that to take.

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When I told my hubby, then boyfriend that I was prego, I thought he'd be pissed too. Unless it's planned, that image really just something ingrained in all young unmarried woman that get knocked up that something is wrong.

 

The whole "my parents won't throw me a gender reveal party" could be she's just nervous about what they'll think of her. And I'm sure they will throw her a baby shower, and if not, get your side of the family to throw her one!!!!!! Or throw one yourselves. But I guarantee your folks will be super happy they're going to have a grandkid.

 

I thought my mom would be upset, but she was very very happy. Granted, we made that baby unknowingly one week after we were engaged. But at that time had only been dating for about 8 months, but have known eachother for over 14 years then.

 

The whole it's my body; she wants to know if you are in it for the long haul. So get your resume out there! It will be fine! Does she have health insurance? Congrats if you keep it (sorry, if too soon).

 

She's emotional, hormonal, and nervous. Just be cool, and take it one day at a time. Except for the job thing; take what you can get while applying to where you want.

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I would not encourage any parties like gender reveal or showers -those are parties, not real life -and expectations on how people should show support and joy over a pregnancy is just going to disappoint her and distract her from what's really important. If her parents accept the news and are supportive and show happiness at the chance of being grandparents -awesome -that's above and beyond. My pregnancy was planned but also somewhat of a surprise because it was before we were married. Our parents were overjoyed and thrilled. It never ever occurred to me to expect anything else from them. Never occurred to me to expect anyone to give me gifts or throw me a party. Please do all you can to keep things realistic and practical with her because it's hard enough to plan for a baby when it's planned and when the couple have been together quite awhile, are committed ,etc. I am somewhat biased as from my perspective (I did not want a shower, gender reveal parties were not a thing back then) I see the parties just increasing and their significance increasing -from what the 'theme" should be to the food, favors, what to register for and ask for. To me that's mostly irrelevant (other than someone needs to buy diapers and wipes and onesies by the time the baby comes home from the hospital -we bought very little/assembled nothing before the baby was born and people gave me hand me downs before and some gifts after)

 

 

What's relevant is making sure your co-parenting relationship is on solid ground and all the practicalities and support I mentioned in my previous post.

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Yes, many people take on Batya's POV!

 

For me, I LOVEEEEEE Parties!!! I love throwing them, being the honored one, honoring others, going to them, but I've been this way throwing parties since I was 13. Plus, I registered for everything, and got everything under the sun. So really, my point is to just get through the day. She's freaked out at the moment.

 

Decide in a few months on a party if desired, but considering she burst into tears about the thought of not getting one, safe to say she really wants one. Even if it's just snacks and opening a box of balloons that may be filled with pink or blue.

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OP. I am not suggesting she intentionally got pregnant as a way to get you to marry her,

 

 

Okay, then I will suggest it, cause I think it's possible, even likely, that's what happened.

 

No woman goes off birth control unless she wants to have a baby, and with that baby, comes marriage, family, just what her sister has.

 

And the fact this pregnancy was a surprise to OP indicates she never discussed with him - this wreaks of manipulation imo.

 

I think OP knows this too, hence his "interesting timing" title, and why he's not responding to questions.

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Yes, many people take on Batya's POV!

 

For me, I LOVEEEEEE Parties!!! I love throwing them, being the honored one, honoring others, going to them, but I've been this way throwing parties since I was 13. Plus, I registered for everything, and got everything under the sun. So really, my point is to just get through the day. She's freaked out at the moment.

 

Decide in a few months on a party if desired, but considering she burst into tears about the thought of not getting one, safe to say she really wants one. Even if it's just snacks and opening a box of balloons that may be filled with pink or blue.

 

Yes, if that is necessary to keep her on an even keel. I love parties too. I am not a fan of and do not relate to baby showers or gender reveal parties in particular (or bridal showers especially if the couple are adults who are living together) because to me they are most often just a way to get gifts/gift cards -and mostly I find them really boring/cliche. I also am not a fan of being the center of attention at a party but I do like being acknowledged, honored and noticed for certain accomplishments (unrelated to getting married/getting pregnant/giving birth -for me those were huge personal accomplishments but I didn't feel the need to be "honored" for them -I did appreciate so much the well wishes when I -finally!! - got married - and I always appreciated being noticed for good parenting).

 

Edited to add since it could be relevant to the OP -certainly I am a huge fan of giving a parent-to-be gifts and/or hand me downs -whatever is needed to help the parents care for the child and even care for themselves so to the extent your family would like to do that that can only help your future child and you and the mom-to-be!

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What happened to the car and job?

 

I had an oil leak and when I noticed there was an issue, drove it to a mechanic...but too late. Engine done. Luckily, I have a replacement.

 

I moved out of state for the job. It wasn't in the field I had been working in but it was a family friend and the earning potential was very good. There was a huge learning curve for me (which was known upon my hiring) but they needed me to be up to par after 6 months. I wasnt there yet.

 

Now, I have began taking real estate courses and applying for some day time work.

 

Lots of decisions to be made.

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We never had any used any protection....and reading between the lines maybe that is what she wants, but I am not there financially/mentally to have a child.

 

So if you didn't use protection you're an adult and that means you were ready to be a father. No need to read between the lines -it's far more basic and simple. The only line to read maybe is the positive line on the pregnancy test.

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