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Thread: He has a girlfriend

  1. #1
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    He has a girlfriend

    So I met a guy through mutual friends on a night out. He has recently moved here and we got on straight away after being introduced by one of my best friends. He asked me out on a date there and then which I agreed too. The next day he asked whether he could take me on a date and I was soooo exited. I rang my friend thanking him and he explained to me that he missed a bit of information about him....he has a gf!!! I obviously was so angry that my friend did not tell me this and his defence was that the guy is soon to be ending it. I went for drinks with him anyway and brought up the gf subject straight away! He was very open in explaining that they have been together for 3 years and recently moved in but it didnít work and he decided to have a big life change and has moved to by where I live (3 hours away from her) and him and his gf are barely speaking. He admitted they are still together but that he is just very confused and the last thing he wanted was to meet someone else. We continued the drinks so he could fully explain and we got on so well. Stupidly I agreed to see him again. We are now 4 dates in and he has stayed at my house all weekend. I donít know what to do. On the one hand I love spending time with him and we just really click and from what he says he hasnít had a connection with someone like this before. But on the other hand...he still has a gf!!! Do I call it off completely because it is very wrong or confront him about it and ask him to make a decision before I see him again? But that might scare him away. So do I give him time to fully get to know me and allow him to make the decision in his own time. I donít want to ruin something that might be mean to be.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    How you get them is how you loose them. You are witnessing his break up style. That's how he will treat you if you two run into trouble. If you are ok getting with a monkey brancher you can proceed. Personally, I would run the other way due to his blatant lack of integrity. How you think that such a person can be trusted is beyond me. At this point you are making the informed choice to get involved with a cheater. Imo, facilitating him like that is very bad karma and what you reap is what you sow...

  3. #3
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    It should never have gotten this far to begin with and a relationship built on foundations such as this are extremely high risk of not working out.

    For me it would be a deal breaker because, no matter how nice a guy is, if he is willing to step into something with someone when he has a commitment to someone else, regardless of their crumbling relationship, it illustrates to me his utter lack of integrity. General decency, respect, and commitment would have him officially ending things before entertaining the idea of being open to another.

    Asking what to do now, after you've already started something with him is a moot point and essentially redundant in the fact that that should have been your first act rather than your last. But, if I were you, I'd discontinue your involvement completely until he has officially ended things with his gf. Even then, I'd have a problem pursuing something with a man who'd cheat on his gf and who was likely rebounding.

    Also, think about the message you're sending out about yourself - you're essentially saying that under the "right" circumstances you're willing to make choices that hurt others or compromise your own integrity and good men in the future won't take you seriously or trust you. If I were you I'd think really hard about whether or not this relationship is worth the loss of integrity and respect and the addition of distrust, insecurity, and stress.
    Last edited by LotusBlack; 03-24-2019 at 06:16 PM.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Why are you concerned with scaring a cheater/monkey brancher? I'd say scare him away and scare him good lol

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  6. #5
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    He has a girlfriend. And, even if he had recently broken up with her, he is in NO place for a relationship, only fun. He needs to process the break up- at least six months. You will only be a rebound if you continue.

    Why would you continue for a moment if you know he has a gf? Have higher standards, and don't be someone's side piece. Would you like this done to you?

    He is cheating on her. Is this the type of person you want to associate with?

  7. #6
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    I think all the posts above absolutely nailed it. Please re-read the posts above, really take it all in. Nothing more to add other than to say you KNOW right from wrong.

    By the way, are you still married?

  8. #7
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    "So do I give him time to fully get to know me and allow him to make the decision in his own time. I donít want to ruin something that might be mean to be".

    This is sad!

  9. #8
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    "confront him about it and ask him to make a decision before I see him again? But that might scare him away"

    So is this.

  10. #9
    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    "confront him about it and ask him to make a decision before I see him again? But that might scare him away"

    So is this.
    HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND



    HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND



    HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND

    This is all you need to know. Whatever other stuff he tells u is bs

  11. #10
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Can I ask why you just didn't tell him something like: "I really would like to date you to get to know you better so please contact me when you have broken up with, moved those 3 hours away, and your more at the stage of indifference to her."

    Your actions are giving the impression that you are desperate for a man if you would spend the weekend with someone you know is in a relationship... either that, or you are afraid of commitment and therefore find taken men safe because they can't/won't commit to you.

    Respect yourself and end it until he's free to date with integrity.

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