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Thread: Move or Stay

  1. #1
    Platinum Member Jetta's Avatar
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    Move or Stay

    Mom threatens if I move she will cut me out of the will. Technically that's already been done. I have already agreed to move into apartment, and I worry the ramifications of cancelling 3 weeks before move in. It's subsidized. I jumped through many hoops to get approved.

    But I don't want to be cut out by family either, and she threatens to. I did tell her I've decided to stay and haven't yet cancelled apartment. She's like call Monday. There's more to it than a phone call, my case manager is working on getting me furniture for example.

    Truth is I see what my therapist is saying is true my mom manipulated me, she's caring more for her needs than mine. And frankly I need my own space, I don't have it here. But I'm wondering what the right decision is. Because I have to decide once and for all.

    Mom will kick me out, if I tell her I'm moving. I might get blacklisted if I cancel the apartment. I'm being turned into a liar either way.

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter Jibralta's Avatar
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    My gut tells me you should follow through with the apartment. Be done with her manipulation.

    But obviously, it's your choice.

    Do you even know what's in the will? You should ask to see it. That way, you know what she's actually holding over your head.

    Keep in mind that she can always change her will. She can always threaten to withhold something. That's why I think it would be better for you to become independent from her will. Taking the apartment would be a major step towards this independence.

  3. #3
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Your mom will kick you out if you move? That doesn't make any sense.

  4. #4
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jetta
    Truth is I see what my therapist is saying is true my mom manipulated me, she's caring more for her needs than mine. And frankly I need my own space, I don't have it here..
    There's your answer. It's time for you to live your own life in your own space. You've wanted this for a long time, now you have the opportunity. Don't cancel.

    ETA: OP, I recall you have a history of moving out, then go back to your mother, then move out again, then back again etc etc. I think you once said that you're not an independent person and that being on your own freaks you out and that you're either attached to your mom or a man. You need to cut the apron strings and living your OWN life once and for all. But I predict you'll be going back to your mom eventually. Hopefully not.
    Last edited by Capricorn3; 03-24-2019 at 05:47 PM.

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  6. #5
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    I am going to wager that mom will be upset for a time, but if 6 months, a year, 2 years go by and she does not need to bail you out again, she may relax because she has bailed you out too many times. So put everyting into employment, your mental health and your daughter - and stay away from sketchy men or dating at all for awhile. You can succeed - but remember = living on your own may lead to temptation (men, distracting tangeants - putting money into the wrong things and loneliness). Make your choices wisely once you move out.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Jetta's Avatar
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    My move date is April 12th, mom wants me out by the 1st if I plan to move. That would create a problem. Family vacation planned the 3rd to the 5th.Been told if I move to drive myself, reservation in my name is why. Apartment does say I can move up the date, but my disability doesn't come until the 3rd same day as trip. Money saved not enough for rent and deposit. Stressed thinking about it so I lied because the pressure was too intense.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Why doesn't she want you to move out? This would be great for you given your situation.

  9. #8
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Your Mom's manipulating tactics say much more about her than it does you. I'd be the adult, and refuse to be at her mercy which she seems to be banking on.

    It's time to stand up for yourself, as you've been down this road before, Jetta.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Jetta's Avatar
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    She likes the help around the house, doesn't want to live alone. Thinks I'll relapse. I pay half for groceries and rent she likes the money. She thinks apt is too small and lacks amenities I'm accustomed to. Thinks I'll get depressed living there. Those are a few of the reasons I got.

  11. #10
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Forget family vacation and get your apartment.

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