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Thread: He said he doesn't love me anymore.

  1. #1
    MysteryWoman's Avatar
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    He said he doesn't love me anymore.

    Hi, I've been in a long distance relationship with a guy, he's 32 and I'm 19. We had been dating for a year and 7 months when a week ago he said to me he didn't know how he felt about me, I asked if he wanted to break up and he said it'd be for the best. As the week progressed he became less and less interested in me and I've tried hard to get him back. He said I soured the relationship and he just didn't feel the same anymore.

    I want the spark to relight and I want to prove to him I'm different. We had booked the coaches to see each other on April 6th for two weeks (this was planned before the break up) and he said it'd be a bad idea for me to visit. I'd like to go down and see him. Does anybody have any advice on how I can win him back or be there for him. I want him to be happy again, we were happy together. Appreciated.

  2. #2
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    Welcome to ENA. I'm sorry to hear about this. I think that keeping the spark in a long distance relationship can be really difficult. Sadly, if I had to guess, I would guess that he met someone new recently and broke up to pursue a relationship with her. I think you should cancel your tickets to visit him and just respect his wishes and stop contacting him. :( Take some time to heal and then find someone who lives closer to you.

    hugs

  3. #3
    MysteryWoman's Avatar
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    I'd asked him if it was another woman and he was adamant it was a no and wasn't seeking another relationship, with anyone.

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    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    When a guy says he doesn't know how he feels about you and says it's a bad idea for you to visit, that means it's unlikely that you can relight the spark.

    I agree that it sounds like he has met someone else.

    Can you get your money back for the tickets?

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  6. #5
    I agree with others that there is nothing you can do to win him back. He doesn't feel the same about you and doesn't want to be with you. You just need to accept that and move on. Don't go grovelling because it'll push him even further away.

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    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Long distance relationships are a waste of time because people in them don't really get to share their everyday life. As a result, problems are swept under the rug. You shouldn't waste the best years of your life like that. This guy has clearly told you that he doesn't love you and that he doesn't want to meet. Disregarding his wishes isn't going to win him over. More likely, it will make you appear desperate. You need to work on your self-esteem. This guy is no catch. You would be better off looking for someone who lives in your own town and who is closer to your age so that you can enjoy your current life phase instead of skipping your youth in order to catch up with him.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by MysteryWoman

    He said I soured the relationship and he just didn't feel the same anymore.

    I want the spark to relight and I want to prove to him I'm different.
    My guess is your obsessiveness and pushing for more is what soured the relationship and caused him to lose his attraction, so why in the world would you think chasing him, "proving" how different you are or whatever, which is what soured things in the first place, would draw him back to you?

    It will do the exact opposite, push him further away!

    Leave him alone and I would suggest you pick up some good books on interpersonal relationships, how men fall in love and stay in love, and how to draw them "to" you versus pushing them "away" from you which is clearly what's happening now.

    And will continue to happen with every man you date until you LEARN what pulls them in and how to keep them coming back for more.

    You're thinking is completely backwards.

  9. #8
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    You were 17 when dating a 30 year old. Two completely different life stages and different mind sets. It is possible he has found someone else closer to his own age.

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    It's over, OP.

    He's been clear that he unfortunately doesn't feel the same way anymore and doesn't want you visiting him. Going to see him anyway will be a very bad idea. You will be terribly hurt when he gets upset that you ignored his wishes, or find out he's met someone else.

    Long-distance is incredibly hard, and when you add in the sizable gap between your respective ages, there was a lot working against you. How much time had you spent together in person, and how did you meet? I gather that you started dating when you were 17/18, and he was, what, 30ish? I tend to side-eye grown men who go after such young girls; even though it might have been perfectly legal, there is usually a significant difference in life stages and maturity levels between a teen and a 30-year-old man. I'm curious what the bigger picture of your relationship really was.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I would suggest you pick up some good books on interpersonal relationships, how men fall in love and stay in love, and how to draw them "to" you versus pushing them "away" from you which is clearly what's happening now.

    And will continue to happen with every man you date until you LEARN what pulls them in and how to keep them coming back for more.
    With all due respect Katrina, unless there has been another post, this one doesn't really give enough info to infer what happened and where the blame really lies. I firmly disagree with the molding herself to "what men want" approach. Imo, the OP would be better off working on her self-esteem, learning more about what constitutes a healthy relationship and what does not and learning to let go of men who are just not that into her. This guy sounds like a creep getting with a girl so much younger than him to begin with. Him a 32 year old blaming a 19 year old for "souring the relationship" sounds cowardly and immature imo.

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