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Thread: Should I let my ex know that I still miss him after 10 yrs?

  1. #1

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    Should I let my ex know that I still miss him after 10 yrs?

    10 years ago, when I was 25, I fell in real love for first time in another country with my unhappily married boss who was then 45. I worked voluntarily with him for a year. He was as well interested in me and it was perhaps almost a telepathy sex over phone just 3 days before I left his office. Due to my insecurities and immaturity and lack of financial independence, I did not proceed with him, although he encouraged me non verbally. He was super rich and I felt he may end up thinking that I was in love because he was rich and I had needs. I was leaving him as he was unable to help me with work visa or accommodation for further stay. I had also tried to get a small job on visitor visa but he was against it as he thought it was an unsafe place for me. I did not want to leave him. He knew I had feelings for him and hence did not want to leave him. Although I was trying hard to hide my feelings and confuse him. I could not accept them. I did not know how to talk about my feelings and concerns to him. I misread him as though he was just trying to play around me ( which he was not). I was not even aware that I was really in love (realised only when I left him). While he was attempting to put his hand forward to hold my hand, I hugged a 65 year old colleague bit longer as I was hesitant to show my boss the pain of leaving him. I was experiencing severe pain of leaving him and avoided him. He read it completely wrong and I left him. He later tried to talk to his colleague to keep me at her home for next 6 months, when I wrote a leaving note (email to him) but it did not work out. Following which, a few rare telephone calls were made by me and he was acting distant. I felt he rejected me because I was poor, stupid, could not do a proper job. That led me to work hard and reach a good status in career. 4 years ago, I called him to update my professional progress and guess it sounded that hurt feelings were resolved from both ends. But I did not say I still missed him. I talk to him annually to update my progress but it has been now 10 years and I am just realising that I am unable to forget his breath near my ears, his touch on my arms, shoulders, his warm eyes, smile, his way of looking at me , his warmth and the intimate moment I shared with him over phone. No one replaced him and I cant feel aroused sexually with anyone else. I literally suffer . But we are in different countries. Should I let him know about the fact that I still miss him? I am worried he will think I am childish, stupid, mad. I am considering psychological help as I think this is not a normal behaviour to miss someone even after 10 years and be able to orgasm with the thought of the moments I spent with him (which was not even real sex).

  2. #2
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    Is he still married?

  3. #3
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    Why would you think that getting involved with a married man would be a good thing? Do you ever consider how this would affect his family? I think that it is incredibly selfish of you. He is not your ex, you only had some phone sex.

    Even if he weren't married, why would you want to get involved with a cheater. By the way, they all say they are unhappily married,

    Be a better person a find someone single and local. I would also try to understand what is missing in your life that you have hung on to thing, for ten long years.

    Get some therapy.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You seriously need therapy, and I hope you get it. You are pining over some guy you had phone sex with 10 years ago and he's married! Do you understand what being used means? You were used. He was never going to be with you or he would have left his wife, stayed with you, etc. But he didnt do that.

    Time to grow up and take off the rose coloured glasses that are clouding your vision. Stop phoning him!

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  6. #5
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    OP, I would wonder if he would even remember you. If he did, I would think that he would think all of this would be very strange, as you have not moved on with your life, also and did not have a relationship with him. If a man came to me with the same scenario, it would scare me, and I would block him. I would think that this was very strange.

    Get some help.

  7. #6

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    yes he is still married.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by RekhaMira
    yes he is still married.
    Then do not contact him.

    I would have advised you against it even if he were now divorced, but given that he isn't, you really have zero business inserting yourself into his life.

  9. #8
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    If he still married , then it is obvious that he lied to you about being unhappily married. He only said that, so you would cheat with him. I would bet that he has a girlfriend on the side, as this is who he is.

  10. #9
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    "I did not proceed with him, although he encouraged me non verbally." What does this mean?

    "small job on visitor visa but he was against it as he thought it was an unsafe place for me." "a few rare telephone calls were made by me and he was acting distant."
    He did not want you to stay, or return.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    So 10 years on, you are still pining after a cheater who is still married and who is old enough to be your father. Yes, do seek therapy.

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