Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: The relationship is falling apart. What do I do?

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    Moscow, Russia
    Posts
    1
    Gender
    Male

    The relationship is falling apart. What do I do?

    Some necessary details. I am a 22 year old university student (been expelled twice, now recovering and finishing up with my studies), SO's 23 year old, we've been together for almost 4 years now. Well, I say almost, I guess we won't be able to make it through the 4th anniversary.

    So, what happened? Well, this too requires some backstory. We had some big troubles a year ago due to my father being an ass and jeopardizing our relationship when I was expelled a second time. He did some less then noble acts, including breaking in on our messages and blaming her on my failings in studies (which obviously she wasn't at fault for, I was just a lazy sack of sh*t). Her mom used to be pretty friendly with me, but she always had her concerns due to me being a uni student and thus not owning property thus unable to provide for her daughter thus reminding SO about me quite a lot, and her pretenses of goodwill ended when sh*t hit the fan with my father and me, unfortunately, exploding at her, she grew cold. Still, ,me and SO, we started healing last year. We went on a trip to St. Petersburg for her birthday, we went to movies, etc. Life was alright.

    Then, we stopped seeing each other. She'd ever hit me up if she needed my help - giving her a lift, for example. She went sick and stopped going to gym with me, and basically cut me away from her routine. it culminated in her mother ordering her to celebrate New Year with family in her hometown and not allowing us to spend it together. Still, I could manage, or so I thought. The cycle of asking me for help and not going out anymore continued. This may, she will receive her Magister's degree, her studies ended in January, and on march 8th, her mother took her to her hometown. Allrigt , I thought. Well it's the end of March, she's not back (I presume she also resigned from her job) and, prior to departure, blocked me on Insta. I know because I checked using one of my old accounts, whilst she told me that she got hacked and didn't want to make a new account. So, I tried talking to her about it. Instead of her, her mother called me next thing in the morning, telling me politely to off from her daughter's life. SO has been silent. My assumption - mom went super tyrannical. But maybe she also wants out and just won't tell me about it.

    I am awfully aware that I am not perfect. But I try really hard. I am aware she deserves better, but I just can't let it go like this. I love her too much and I want to do good by her. What do I do? Wait until she comes back, being patient? Or do I go to her hometown and have a talk, risking the fact that her Cerberus of a mother prolly won't let me anywhere near her?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,173
    Gender
    Female
    She's 23 years old which is an adult and if she wanted to be with you, her mother wouldn't be able to discourage her from doing so.

    Please do yourself a huge favor that will make your life better going forward. Block and delete her from using you for favors and for keeping you tied emotionally to her. Stay single, work on your own degree and getting your career started. Its when your personal life is doing good is when you will find a good woman to be with.

    Concentrate on you and do things to help you stop focusing on her.

    Be well.

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    US
    Age
    32
    Posts
    77
    Gender
    Male
    from an older perspective... duck and roll out of this...

    don't get me wrong... it'll be tough, but trust me, you'll look at this as a dodged bullet

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    3,249
    Gender
    Female
    Too much bad blood between your families. Breaking up even once means one or both of you don't care enough, because people who care pull out all the stops making things work together.

    With no contact, you will gradually heal and learn what you want and don't want in a relationship moving forward. Good luck in finishing your studies.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    992
    Well, unfortunately you two are still under your parents wings and you haven't seen each other for a couple of months, that can be really bad, I'm sure your SO's love level has dropped, possibly to the point of no return. It's probably the end you need to date other women even if you don't like it - it will make you feel better.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    2,421
    Gender
    Female
    At 23 she is an adult. If she can't stand up to her mom then there is no point in trying to rekindle your relationship. It sounds like your ex has let go. Imo, it would be best to accept the break up and move on. Focus on finishing your degree and fixing the things that led to the demise of the relationship on your end. That way you can avoid having history repeat itself in the future.


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •