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Thread: How do I pull him back after I've hurt him too much?

  1. #1

    How do I pull him back after I've hurt him too much?

    We have been together for more than 4 years in a LDR and I've pushed him away too far and hurt him too much because of my insecurities. He has always been there for me and loved me more than anything but he confessed to me recently that he still loves and cares for me but he feels something is missing rn. At the initial days after his confession, he was so sorry for hurting me with it but was still contemplating leaving me. I tried to convince him that I'll change for the both of us and be the girlfriend he deserves.( I was torn apart at this point and take full responsibility of it all and was willing to do anything to save us). He later told me he knows what a big thing he's going to lose if he breaks up with me so he didn't want to break up but said he'll try to get back those feelings but he couldn't give me assurance that it will come back because he himself was so confused. He didn't know what to do or what he wants me to do. It's his first time feeling something like this and he didn't know how to react. It's been a month and a half since all if this started and he's at this point where he's calmed down. We could not have a normal conversation earlier. All he would say was I don't know to all my questions. And it was especially hard because we're on the phone. I've told him that I'll stay strong and patient for the both of us and believe taht we'll come out stronger after this. He told me we don't know what will happen but we'll try by talking normally.
    These days we just talk about our normal day to day activities. The conversations are not as lively and flirty like they used to be before and i just feel it that he's not fully into this. He is questioning himself as to why he is unable to feel anything.
    We're planning to meet and spend ten days together the next month but I'm so anxious if he'll still feel nothing when he sees me.

    I'm completely shattered by all of this. I cannot carry on with my life normally. I know for a fact that I need him in my life but I feel so helpless at this point. I'm filled with constant sadness and guilt and terribly misses him and his sweetness.
    Even though we talk, his heart is not in this and I just feel it. He told me he miss me after a long time and wants to be me with when he was drunk recently and made me think he's back but he was back to the indifference the next morning.

    Since we both are willing to make it work, what should I do to win him back and gain his trust again?

    How should I communicate with him and how should I be when I see him and stay with him?
    I am so broken I don't know what to do anymore even though I'm trying to seem strong and positive to him. Please help.
    Last edited by Rickyrose; 03-23-2019 at 07:50 PM. Reason: Wrong spelling

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
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    How often did you see each other?

  3. #3
    We were together for less than a year and it was LDR from then onwards. We met twice at the most each year. We spend five days to a week together whenever we meet. Our schedules don't allow us to meet more often than that. But everything is perfect whenever we meet. We forget the world and just can't let go of each other. The last meeting was in September last year, where everything was sweet and just perfect. I started creating trouble the following months. I hated myself and lashed out those hatred on him and pushed him to the edge. He tried so hard to fix it but I just wasn't in any condition. Everything and everyone around me irritated me. He was not the only one I pushed away. My friends s, family as well. I was very negative and my morals were so degraded he told me he didn't like the person I have become. He also told me I was the one who convinced him to let me go.

  4. #4
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    This had no chance.

    You need to find someone local.

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  6. #5
    We're actually from the same place but we're at different cities pursuing college so we can't be together atm. And distance never was a problem. We communicated and still do every single day. Same passion, same loyalty without a doubt.

  7. #6
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    Then why did you create this thread?

  8. #7
    I'm talking about the times things were fine. We do communicate now but he's not feeling anything. He's emotionally distant and cold. He seems to be continuing for my sake. He cares a lot about me and doesn't want to hurt me more than he already did. And I don't know how to bring him back.

  9. #8
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    This is type of relationship is doomed. You need to be with someone and see them on a regular basis for it to work.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    You don't. He feels like something is missing and his feelings are not the same anymore, listen to him, believe him and let this go. You can't force someone to be all in a relationship they seem like they don't want to be or make someone feel something they don't, and everything is 4x harder in a long distance relationship. Also this dynamic of trying to "be the best girlfriend I can be"and trying to please him at all costs to lore him back is something that most times creates the reverse effect and is not attractive to the other person. Avoid becoming a doormat.

    How's your life outside him? You seem too dependent from him instead of living and focus on your college life, friendships and other things besides him.

    I'd end this because you can't make him feel what he doesn't and eventually find someone local who really wants to be with you.

  11. #10
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    It's time to accept that it's over, OP.

    I know it sucks, but he can't control how he feels. What you do or don't do at this point isn't going to make much difference, unfortunately. The damage has already been done.

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