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Thread: I fear Iím going to get dumped today

  1. #31
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sourmilk
    I didnít think what I did was so abhorrent. I did the research and made what I thought was an informed choice. I obviously got some heat here over the last few days for it too. I stand by the fact I made a choice people donít agree with, but I wasnít wrong. In light of her learning this about me she said Ďyouíve shown a side of you I didnít know you hadí

    Iím seeing her later today. Weíre having dinner at my place, but I think I might surprise her and just take her to mini golf and a beer. She would like that. Generally at least. Today?? Who knows
    Just my two cents, but if Iím pissed, I wouldnít like a surprise. Make it an option not an obligation.

  2. #32
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    No mini golf and beer if she wants to talk. Trying to delay the talk out of fear will not help the situation.

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    No mini golf and beer if she wants to talk. Trying to delay the talk out of fear will not help the situation.
    I need to provide an update. She said last night she doesnít want to break up with me. Mini golf and beer was always a plan for a date night at some point over the coming weeks, but with her being so busy, we donít have a day for it. Itís something we can do in 3 hours this afternoon/evening if and still be in bed early

    Iíll float it as an idea to break the ice.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sourmilk
    I need to provide an update. She said last night she doesnít want to break up with me. Mini golf and beer was always a plan for a date night at some point over the coming weeks, but with her being so busy, we donít have a day for it. Itís something we can do in 3 hours this afternoon/evening if and still be in bed early

    Iíll float it as an idea to break the ice.
    OP, Please try to reframe your thinking. It seems like you are trying to win her back after you wronged her. Did you? All I see is that she judged you.

    Why is that okay?

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  6. #35
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    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    OP, Please try to reframe your thinking. It seems like you are trying to win her back after you wronged her. Did you? All I see is that she judged you.

    Why is that okay?
    Thatís a really good point. I guess itís that I donít want to hurt her. I donít want to create conflict like this for us, and I donít want her to think less of me. I think itís silly, the last few days weíve had and want it to go back to normal.

    A few days before this Ďdog-gateí I let her down by not hiding very well my bad mood. It was a stupid bad day for me and I should have been better for her. We got through that (almost. Our communication hasnít been the same since this day) and by the start of the weekend, she didnít like my conduct with the pooch
    I really want to just get the whole week behind us

  7. #36
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She's pissed you spent Fri night out all night drinking and your "solution" is to continue to not make time for her or for dates and continue to need alcohol in the picture? Stop treating her like a pal. Why not let her pick a day/time and activity?
    Originally Posted by Sourmilk
    Mini golf and beer was always a plan for a date night at some point over the coming weeks. Itís something we can do in 3 hours this afternoon/evening if and still be in bed early

  8. #37
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    is there an update?

  9. #38
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    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    is there an update?
    I do have an update. We are surprisingly still together. We went almost 2 days without speaking and had a chat over the phone on Friday.

    I sent her a message earlier that day saying I didnít want to lose her and she didnít take too long to respond saying we would talk about it later

    We both acknowledged the last few weeks has been hard. I am aware I am the driver of that, but it has been hard to feel valued or important to her when all Iíve done is make myself available to be a positive influence in her life and I get benched so repeatedly.

    We stated that even though we love each other, the relationship wonít work if our values donít align and our needs arenít being met. To give ourselves the best shot at this, we are going to communicate more. What this means for me, is that the things I didnít want to tell her about, to hide any perceived flaws or inadequacies I will have the confidence to speak freely of. Which I have done as of today. I have an investment that is not going too well right now and it is effective my disposable income. I told her openly this is what is in my mind right now and it stresses me.

    Iím not going to burden her immediately with this, but I do hope in 2 months, when her exams are done, we are in a position to be able to invest more in our future.

    Any advice on how to extract the very best out of both of us is greatly appreciated

  10. #39
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    Originally Posted by Sourmilk
    She sent me a message this morning saying she will call after her studies and signed of with a Ďlove you 😘 Ď text
    I get that you've had a tiff. I agree with Wiseman that she's annoyed about you staying out all night and the dog is a bit of a red herring - so to speak. However, the bit of message quoted above suggests that you're not actually about to be dumped.

    Stop catastrophising. Stop overthinking. Above all, enjoy yourself next time you see her!

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