3 1/5 yrs in

So I've been with my "husband" for 3.5 yrs... He choose the husband and wife term... He's 13 yrs older than me and treats me like his child... At first we couldn't keep our hands of each other... Went dancing had a great time for about a year but we moved in pretty fast ( 5 months later). Now we baldly see each other...sex is like once a week or twice a weekly... I text... he doesn't respond but makes it seem like I don't have time for him... We both work...he constantly said he'd take care of me and pay all thebills.... but now we argue about money and bills... I can't go any where... I don't have friends...i can't do anything because he thinks that I'm cheating on him.... I've never been so controlled in my life....i want out but don't know how... I'm in his city noo family around... Haven't even been around his family in the last year because he's isolating me... Haven't been around my famille in 4 yrs....I know all of this is wrong... but still I feel stuck... I want to leave but don't know how...we both have kids from previous relationships...he wants one with me but my tubes are tied....i feel like I'm wasting my time and energy...i need advice....PLEASE!!!!!

How were you surviving before you met him? You know that this situation is wrong. Can't you move to some place where you have relatives/family who could help you?

You accuse him of treating you like his child yet you were ok with the prospect of him taking care of you and paying all the bills? This is a toxic relationship for sure but you also need to reevaluate your attitude towards men taking care of your bills. You need to learn to stand on your own two feet so that you don't end up feeling "stuck" like this.

You're in an abusive situation if you're controlled by him. He's isolated you so that you can't escape. The positive is that he hasn't made you stop working, so you still have some financial independence.

I'd suggest call family and friends (even if they're far away) about this situation and ask for support. I'd also suggest considering moving from that city to a place closer to family and friends if possible or if not find an apartment to live in. Or search what possibilities of support you have in that area like shelters and stuff like that.

If none of this is logistically possible now, I'd start saving money and planning my exit without him knowing and then proceed to leave him. Having a friend or family member there during the move would be safer.

But it's also important to access certain things, like, is he physical violent with you? Would he harm you if you left? What resources do you have? Do you have family and friends that could go there in person and help you? Do you think you'd benefit from therapy?

I'm sorry you're going through this.

No one is controlling you. You are allowing him to call the shots. You seem to believe that you're a victim here, when in reality you are the cause of your problems.

If you have a job, that means you have an income. Surely you can afford a bus ticket to your family's home. Stop feeling impotent and make some adult decisions. Get yourself away from this situation.

And by the way, he is not your husband. Stop playing pretend.

You have a job, why cant you leave?

This is so wrong. If you have to go to a shelter for women, do it. Get away from him. Surely you must have a girlfriend who could let you stay with her for as long as it takes to find an apt. or even a room. You are wasting your life with this guy.

Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Tell them what you've told us, tell them you want help and that you have children. They can guide you to a nearby women's shelter to help get your life back on track and most importantly, independent.