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Thread: Wife wont allow my kids to see my family

  1. #1

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    Wife wont allow my kids to see my family

    Hello everyone it has been a long 5 years of marriage where there has been turmoil between my mom and my wife. I am going to try and break this down as easy as I can so you can get the most of the story and see if you have any advice.

    My wife and I got married quick within 7 months of being in a relationship and my parents were concerned about it and thought we were getting married for the wrong reasons. I was in the Army and ended up deploying to Afghanistan a couple months later. We married a month before I left and it was a mess between my wife and mother. They constantly had arguments back and forth and their personalitys did not match. I tried to get in the middle and fix the fighting but I was overseas and it made it almost impossible. I came back from Afghanistan and my wife and mother were not on good terms and made it almost unbearable to be around when both of them were in the same room. My wife constantly would get upset over everything my mother said and would tell me that I was not defending her when I felt she was being very sensitive and taking things out of context. I didnt allow everything and I have mentioned to my mother that she needed to step back at times and watch what she says.

    This did not get better as my wife was getting paranoid every single time I would text or call my mom or parents. She would lose it and scream at me and slam doors in my face and constantly tell me how horrible my mother is when at times there was nothing going on.

    We decided to have a wedding after I got back from Afghanistan because when we got married we just went to the court house and this is not how we wanted to do it so we set up a ceremony and everything so that we could celebrate with friends and family [sounds crazy but this is what we wanted] My sister in-law who is her best friend wrote on Facebook and said that if anyone causes problems she will kick their ass. Long story short my whole family backed out of the wedding and my wife lost it. There were other problems with the wedding part and everything so it was a mess all together but this topped the cake and it was only a week before the wedding.

    I couldnt handle all of the fighting, stress and my wife screaming at me about my family that I wanted to end my life because I could not take all of the pain anymore. I suffer from anxiety and depression so this did not help. I was sent to the hospital and had to stay the weekend. After all of this we had the wedding without any of my family and this is where it really got bad.

    My friends all pulled me aside and told me the relationship we are in is unhealthy and that I should get out before we have kids. My wife mentioned she wanted a restraining order again my mom because I haven’t seen her in over a year and my mom showed up at my job begging us to please work things out with them so we can be a family again. I gave my wife an ulitmatum that we work things out or we will not work. We tried but nothing worked with her.

    To this day my wife hates all of my family and friends and we now have 2 kids, a daughter who is 9 months old and my son who is 2 years old. She did not allow my parents or family at the hospital to see both of my kids and to this day I think my parents have seen my kids only a handful of times if that. We have tried to get together and hash it out also tried to set boundaries but my wife wants to constrict them to only one day a year and I am not ok with that. To this day we fight over this and it is destroying our marraige. I have pushed everyone away in my life other than her family because of fear of retaliation from her. If I want to hang out with friends she is miserable and makes life hell so I do not want to go and see anyone because she times me and goes crazy if I do not report to her all the time thinking that we are plotting against her.

    There is so much to this story but this is the best I can explain it and I dont know what to do I want my family in my life and I want my kids to know my family and friends but she will only allow one day a year and will not compromise further or even just let me bring the kids to see them without her. What do I do because I feel like divorce is my only option to get away from the control and manipulation.

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Personally, I would get divorced. Your wife has severe anger issues. Tell her she goes for therapy or you are leaving . Get 50/50 custody of your kids and take your kids to see your family. She is completely and utterly unreasonable and this will backfire in her face .

  3. #3
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    Agreed.

    Iím not sure why you married or had children with her when there were signs that things were clearly going in this direction (that part is on you)... but at this point, I think you need to tell her that her two options are marriage counseling or divorce. Iím not sure marriage counseling will help, to be honest, because she needs to do a complete 180 on her attitude and a lot of water has passed under that bridge - but you could try.

    For future thought... it is quite normal for your partner not to get along with everyone. Everyoneís personalities are different and it is normal for there to be a clash here and there. But - if they clash with just about everyone or they clash with the most important people in your life - this simply points to an incompatibility.

    Your wife is being completely unreasonable. You are entitled to have family and friends independent of her.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    I'll just be blunt. Your wife is an abuser and you are being abused as we speak. Abuse isn't just about being physically attacked. Emotional abuse is worse, more confusing, and ultimately more damaging. Your parents and friends were correct to be concerned and to warn and confront you over the poor decisions you were making. Well, you made them so now you need to deal with the consequences. Get a very good lawyer and work with them to get a divorce. Also, get counseling for yourself to sort out why/how you got involved in this and kept on staying and staying despite people who actually care about you trying to talk sense into you.

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  6. #5
    Wow, you really should've listened to the many warnings you received. Because you didn't listen you now have 2 kids and your psycho wife has twice the ammunition. You were hospitalized because what she put you through. What is wrong with you? Grow a back bone. Get tough (because you have let her walk all over you and alienate your whole family which is so wrong). Divorce her. She has no grounds for a restraining order against your mother. Get joint custody and when you have your time with them take them to visit your family.

  7. #6
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    In fact I would not allow my kids to see the family who raised the psycho.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Are you still Army? Along with the advice above, I'd really encourage you to document and file anything you can which displays this abuse. I have no doubt this woman is above bombarding your COC with any slew of allegations.

  9. #8
    Silver Member Nickel Speed's Avatar
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    You dumped your family for a girl because she demanded it?

    As far as I can see, your best option is divorce.

  10. #9
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    Yes, anyone who separates you from family and friends is an abuser. You need a lawyer immediately. Document every single threat against you . Contact your family to ask for support in leaving .

  11. #10
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    Are you still Army? Along with the advice above, I'd really encourage you to document and file anything you can which displays this abuse. I have no doubt this woman is above bombarding your COC with any slew of allegations.
    Sorry, should read isn't* above.

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