Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 26

Thread: Moving in together

  1. #1
    Bronze Member Maddyb12's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    238

    Moving in together

    Hello everyone! It has been a while since I have posted here. My last posts revolves around someone who is now my boyfriend and we have been seeing each other for about a year but didnít become ďofficialĒ until last June.

    Our relationship is wonderful, we had some communication problems at first but they have all sorted themselves out in the first few months of our relationship. We live about an hour away from one another and we both work a lot. We spend every Friday-Monday morning together and usually one weekday night if he is not out of town working- currently heís out of town working about 2 hours from me, but he is home on the weekends. He is a transmission power lineman so his crew gets sent out of town fairly often. Anyways. I am finishing up graduate school in exactly a month and will be taking my board exams sometime in May and plan to be searching for a job for what my degree is in. We havenít specifically talked about moving in together soon but he will always make comments about me practically living there etc. refers to his house as our home and what not. I see my future with him, marriage children etc and this isnít mutual but we have been together not even a year so Iím wondering do I bring up moving in together? When searching for jobs I donít know if I want to search near where I live now, where he lives, halfway in between? I know I should just bring this up to him but just wanted to get some feelers for if this sounds too soon to live together and what not. I just donít want to find a position where I live now if eventually Iíll be moving out his way but also donít want to jump the gun and find employment out there if itís too soon.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    31,912
    Gender
    Male
    Has he asked you to move into his house? If not, you can safely assume it's not time to bring it up. You're a house guest and even if you move in you'll either be a house guest (who he can ask to leave at any time) or a rent paying tenant.

    Has he mentioned marriage kids future? If not, you can also assume it's not on his mind at this time. Moving in is not a prelude to marriage, unless that is clear and mutual and planned.. It is a matter of financial, sexual and practical convenience as well a as test drive for compatibility. ..

    Search for jobs and take the best job, do not count any chickens before they are hatched. Do you live at home with parents? Do not try to make a move from a parental home to a bf's house. At this point, you're not on the same page. Why can't you wait until there is more mutual interest in living together?
    Originally Posted by Maddyb12
    We havenít specifically talked about moving in together soon but he will always make comments about me practically living there etc.

    I see my future with him, marriage children etc and this isnít mutual but we have been together not even a year so Iím wondering do I bring up moving in together? When searching for jobs I donít know if I want to search near where I live now, where he lives, halfway in between?

  3. #3
    Bronze Member Maddyb12's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    238
    Whoops ďthis IS mutualĒ

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    London, UK
    Age
    47
    Posts
    3,075
    Gender
    Male
    First of all, communication. Does he know your thoughts on any of this? And what are his thoughts?

    It's all fine to move someone and look for a job, but what if it takes 6 months to get that job? How will you pay rent? I assume you are not wanting to commute, so I would start off with the communication thing and work from there.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Bronze Member Maddyb12's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    238
    He hasnít asked but had mentioned to look at jobs near him ďsince I basically live hereĒ but he didnít specifically say ďmove on inĒ. I meant to type that this IS mutual. We talk about the future, marriage, children etc. he has mentioned being open to getting pregnant whenever I am ready. I do not live with my parents, Iím in my late 20s.

  7. #6
    Bronze Member Maddyb12's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    238
    Originally Posted by Keyman
    First of all, communication. Does he know your thoughts on any of this? And what are his thoughts?

    It's all fine to move someone and look for a job, but what if it takes 6 months to get that job? How will you pay rent? I assume you are not wanting to commute, so I would start off with the communication thing and work from there.
    I feel itís only been discussed lightly, about four months ago he said I should move in but at the time I was doing clinicals for school so I explained the commute was too much since my clinical site was 1.5 hours from his house. I am currently employed right now, not in the specialization I went to grad school for but I have a decent paying job and never plan on having a lapse in employment as I already work out of my office as well as the office near his house.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    31,912
    Gender
    Male
    Ok try to get a concrete conversation going instead of talk like "basically" or "open to". For example will you be a tenant? Will you get a cohabitation agreement? Or will you be a houseguest who pays for this and that? Who pays for what? Who does what? Who pays which bills? Will you get pregnant before marriage? etc.

    Be clear and specific and do not interpret 'as if talk' as actual fully discussed mutually agreed upon plans. Lay all your cards and expectations on the table. Never move in hoping it leads to a marriage. Never get pregnant hoping for that. Speak your mind and lay out your plan.
    Originally Posted by Maddyb12
    ďsince I basically live hereĒ but he didnít specifically say ďmove on inĒ.

    he has mentioned being open to getting pregnant whenever I am ready.

  9. #8
    Silver Member Nickel Speed's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    329
    Just do what my soon to be ex wife did, just start slowly moving all of your stuff over there. Lol. It worked.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    10,120
    When is your lease up? And what's the rush? If someone really is "the one," you're gonna have many, many years of shacking up with each other. Why not enjoy the security of your own place for awhile before then? Even if it ends up you "practically live together" were you to find a job in his area, there is benefit to having your own home in the meanwhile.

    There is a whole big difference between "practically" and "actually" living together. I wouldn't assume because he digs your weekends together that he he'd just a year in fancy making it a full-time thing. As Wiseman advised, you shouldn't be hanging job prospects on a guy you haven't even been official with a year. It may also be presumptuous altogether that you'd have the privilege of choosing between multiple opportunities between your area and his. If you do find a good job in his neck of the woods, great. Move for the job and location first, and convenience for the relationship second. Lease an apartment for a year and have a more serious talk once that's coming to a close. If you find a great job near you, who's to say you two can't end up buying or leasing some place between where you two currently are? I'm not seeing much cause to base your professional prospects off those of romance.

    Vague conversations about long-term relationship goals are generally safe. But speaking personally, if a lady I'd been official with since last June asked specifically how I felt about her looking for job near me and moving with me this summer or sooner, it'd scare me a bit.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    3,834
    Iím gonna be the odd man out.

    I say if nothing is keeping you in your current town, whatís the harm in living closer to him.

    Youíre happy in a relationship and while thereís no guarantee its forevef, moving closer will at least save your cars and gas and time

    Iím rooting for love here. I say do what feels natural, if a good opportunity presents itself go for it!

    Doesnít mean you have to move in together, but I donít think it would scare him away to bring it up. If heís on board and youíre both happy why not?

    FWIW, I know two happy couples in one year relationships who bought real estate together. They arenít just shaking up, theyíre in it 30 years fixed!

    So I say go for it.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •