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Thread: Cutting things off or not

  1. #1

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    Cutting things off or not

    So I have this friend, I've known him for something like 8 months.
    Now we've never actually met IRL, as we live very far away from eachother and we're both students so obviously we can't afford airplane tickets and whatever.
    We do talk about it doing it some day though, even if I don't know if it'll ever happen.

    How can I explain our relationship...? I'd say we both have some mental issues, and we ended up opening up to each other early on.
    As time has went on, I've grown very accustomed to having him comfort me and when he's not there I really feel like and IDK what to do, so an unhealthy addiction

    There was one time he seemed like he wanted to get rid of me, so I blocked him. However, he had me know that wasn't the case, I unblocked him and we kept talking.

    Some weeks later I decided to cut him off. I just felt so bad about our relationship, scared that he'd think I was pathetic, scared that he'd get bored with me.
    So I blocked him again, and I did explain basically why I was doing it.

    But he contacted me, said he didn't wanna lose me, said he wouldn't get bored with me, said he felt bad, said I was selfish and we should come to a solution together.
    I told him about some of my feelings and felt a lot better after that.

    But a number of weeks has passed since then and I feel so bad again. I don't know what to do, I am just so scared I will stop being important to him and I just think it would be so much easier if I cut everything off. I genuinely think I'd be happier that way because then I'd never mess up our relationship.

    Please help me, I feel so lost.
    My question is really this, is it a good idea to cut him off or not? I feel so confused, I just want to stop feeling like this.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Feeling like what? Fearful?

    What would you describe your logic as? Is it I abandon him before he abandons me?

    What are your issues?

    You do know at its core, unless you two do plan to meet, this mainly IS an incredibly risky emotional venture, I mean people do online because the belief that its less personal but a lot of times one person does end up hurt, much like FWB and such, someone gets hurt because although its designed to NOT be intimate, the intimacy is still formed, mostly mentally which can actually be worse because our ideas of someone is often much more better than the nitty gritty reality. Trust me, I had to learn that lesson the hard way.

  3. #3

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    I don't know how to explain it well, the best word I can think of is I'm feeling bad. When I think about it I just get this bad feeling in my stomach like I want to run away from everything and don't think about it again.
    If I talk to him for a while the feeling usually goes away but I don't think it's healthy for me to act this way. I am not comfortable having my feelings thrown around like this for no reason other than my own fears.

    For my issues, can I say depression and anxiety? I don't really know how much I should go into but honestly he's the only person except me who knows that I do self harm. Please don't tell me to let my parents know or anything like that as I know it's pointless. They're very christian so all they say when I try to express myself is if I just pray more things will work out and I'll get over it.

    I think you're right about that. I kinda chat with a lot of people but for the most part I don't really feel a connection with them, and sometimes I worry that's how he sees me and I'm just delusional about everything. But he seemed really, really genuine and kind of desperate at that time I cut him off.

    It's also cuz of this...I don't see any reason to worry about it. That makes me feel like there must be some reason I'm feeling like this, which makes me wonder if it's something I'm unconsciously aware of.


    Oh, and thank you for replying to me, cuz I do appreciate it.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
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    Have you sought a therapist? It would me much healthier than this association.

    You need to speak to someone about the self harm.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 03-22-2019 at 06:08 AM.

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  6. #5

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    Even if I would have wanted to, I can't do that. My parents don't believe in therapists and wouldn't help me get one.
    I also live in a somewhat underdeveloped country where such services aren't easily available in english.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't play games. You'll lose friends and good people that way.

  8. #7

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    I'm not playing games?

  9. #8
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    It seems like youíre not ready for a relationship. He has assured you he wants to be in your life so itís all up to you. Thereís no need to go back and forth. Just keep a casual friendship

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Blocking/unblocking, breaking up/making up, cutting off/contacting is manipulative, annoying and marks you as untrustworthy, dramatic and selfish. Since you never met, is your intent to have fun catfishing him?

    Ask your parents to take you to a therapist unless you are simply seeking attention at the expense of other, well...even then ask them to take you. You are getting caught up in make-believe "relationships" and spending way too much time isolated behind a screen. You need to learn social skills and how to make real life friends.
    Originally Posted by plzno
    I'm not playing games?


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