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Thread: My bf canít have sex with me

  1. #1

    My bf canít have sex with me

    So my bf and I have been together for 2.5 years and when we first started dating we had sex all of the time. I have a very high sex drive so I like to have sex whenever I can and have fun but about a year into our relationship my bf started having panic attacks when I tried to have sex with him. He told me that itís because of an abusive past relationship where the gf would somehow con him into sex with her like say she was gonna kill herself if he didnít or something so I backed off and stopped pulling the first move and just let him decide when he wanted to have sex well now for the past 1.5 years weíve had sex like once every few months or so and for me itís unenjoyable I never finish because itís always over so quickly and any foreplays lasts 30 seconds and he wants to jump right in itís like heís in a rush. Itís hard for me to talk about what I like in the bedroom when itís so rare to happen anyways I feel like beggars canít be choosers🤦🏻♀️ Iíve thought about talking about an open relationship but on the other end I think Iíd end up jealous if he was hanging out with someone else too. I donít know how to handle this, sex has always been a favorite and big factor in my relationships. Please give me your thoughts should I keep trying to work this out?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You can't fix this for him and he can't fix it on his own. He needs to get counselling for his issues and high anxiety.

    I would suggest asking him if it's open to getting help and if he's not then let him know you can't continue.

  3. #3
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I think he's full of it. If it was so traumatic for him he wouldn't been able to have sex with you right in the beginning. He's making excuses and he's being lazy. Sorry but he's not that into you/ might be seeing someone. That is my theory. Me, I would call him out on his BS. Do some digging...you'd be surprise what you will find.

  4. #4
    Silver Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    Possibly counselling is needed if he truly is suffering from abusive past relationship, but ultimately your sex drives don't seem to match.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    I think he's full of it. If it was so traumatic for him he wouldn't been able to have sex with you right in the beginning. He's making excuses and he's being lazy. Sorry but he's not that into you/ might be seeing someone. That is my theory. Me, I would call him out on his BS. Do some digging...you'd be surprise what you will find.
    Hate to say this, but this is my thinking too. When I read that it took a full year for this to suddenly come up, it just left me skeptical and wondering if his panic attacks aren't more about him cheating on you and feeling bad/guilty. On top of that, there is something off about his story and the way he has been behaving since.

    Giving him the benefit of the doubt, it's his issue to address. The nicest thing you can do is sit down and tell him politely, but firmly that this isn't working for you and if he truly has this past trauma, ask if he is willing to get help to work it out. If not, you walk away. You can't help him, he has to want to fix himself IF he wants to. Expect that he might not and well....without a healthy sex life you are just pals.

  7. #6
    This is definitely fishy. If he actually had a problem it would've been evident at the beginning of the relationship. The fact that it came on suddenly after a whole year tells me that he's full of it. He's getting it from somewhere else, that's for sure.

  8. #7
    Silver Member Nickel Speed's Avatar
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    It sounds like he just got lazy and fabricated a story, or your vagina is made out of sandpaper.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Had it been like this from the beginning then I'd believe him and advise therapy for him, but this happening a year into it and the only time you had sex it was in a rush for his own satisfaction... I don't know, it sounds fishy. But if you want to believe him then I'd tell him that he needs to get therapy for this issue if he wants to continue this relationship.

  10. #9
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    Sounds like a bunch of crap!

    Who pays the bills in the household?
    Last edited by Hollyj; 03-21-2019 at 10:10 PM.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Whether you're too aggressive for him or he was abused or not is irrelevant. The bottom line is that you are not sexually satisfied and you're too afraid to address that fact with him so leave him and find someone who is your sexual equivalent.

    Opening up your relationship is a bogus way to deal with this. You'll just be outta there the minute you meet someone who rings your chimes. Don't stay with him an enable him to be sexually indifferent to you. Maybe he ought to be with someone A-sexual. (??)

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