Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 30

Thread: Was in the wrong for sending my exís mom flowers after surgery? Why would he tex

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Posts
    5
    Gender
    Female

    Was in the wrong for sending my exís mom flowers after surgery? Why would he tex

    A couple months ago my exís mom had surgery and I decided to send her flowers because I knew that would make her happy and recovering wasnít going to be easy. Her and I were close at one point and she always had some type of health issue. I hadnít spoken to her since February and last week I spoke to her went over to visit her because she was going to therapy and still recovering from surgery. In no way was I trying to contact or reach out to my ex, I genuinely care about his mom and I didnít bring him up at all when I went to see her or the times we had talked. He texted me last night and asked me, ď do you have something to tell me? I figured because you camenover a couple of days ago.Ē My ex and I were together for 2 and a half years and it didnít end very well so I stoped all contact with him, although we do have mutual friends I never bothered to say hello or look his direction because I really didnít want to go into that off and on cycle all over again and Iíve been feeling a lot happier since we donít talk at all. He has tried to speak with me when weíre out with friends or greet me but I donít Acknowledge him what so ever. Was I in the wrong for sending his mom flowers? Why would he reach out to me and ask if I wasnít looking for him or even trying to speak with him? I never responded to his text and I still donít plan on it because once I answer thatís how the whole situation starts all over and I donít want a relationship or friendship with him.

  2. #2
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    507
    You weren't actively going around your ex to cause problems or stir the pot. I see nothing wrong with sending her flowers. You have a friendship with her.

    I do see how some others may disagree though.
    Last edited by Nickel Speed; 03-21-2019 at 12:25 PM.

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    52
    Posts
    36,076
    Gender
    Female
    Are you friends with her since you broke up with him?

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Posts
    5
    Gender
    Female
    Yes. Weíve always been close and even the times we were on and off. At one point me and him werenít dating for a couple months and his mom and I would talk here and there. She told me before he doesnít have to know that me and you are good friends because I know you have good intentions.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Forum Supporter Jibralta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    4,250
    Gender
    Female
    As he said, he asked because you went to see his mom. He was probably just curious. No big deal. You arenít being punished.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    1,044
    Gender
    Female
    How long ago did you guys break up? Are you still recovering from the breakup?

    If you are, then I understand your choosing to ignore him. Thing is though, it seems you genuinely want to be friends with his mother or at least be acquaintances because you care about her. Because you care about her, you are eventually going to have to at least be civil with your ex. Some may disagree with me but I think this is doable. It can be zero drama if both of you are mature enough. That's how it is with my ex-husband. We don't see each other often now that our child is an adult, but when we do we're friendly but we don't keep in touch otherwise. It makes life easy for our son.

    Similarly for you, you can be civil and at least look at the guy when he greets you and give him a smile and a how are you? It doesn't mean you want to jump his bones. It means you care about his family (and mutual friends) but that you have moved on. Of course, it is different for me because my ex and I share a child so there is that obligation. A mother isn't exactly a dependent but I understand that you got close to her and are concerned for her health.

    If this is hard for you to do or he cannot be civil (everyone is different as well as every relationship they try) then you might have to minimize your contact with his family and your mutual friends until you feel emotionally ready for it. Time heals most wounds but again, this really depends on what kind of relationship you guys had, how the breakup went, how mature you both are, etc.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    892
    Gender
    Female
    I think it's awkward that you both don't have any type of civility going on (you're actively avoiding eye contact and ignoring him in social events) and at the same time, you're also sending flowers to someone in his immediate family.

    The flowers themselves are not odd. It's you that's odd. Pardon, for being blunt. I think if you rounded out the edges a little and started acknowledging him or if you have some civil friendship or are acquaintances in social situations, it wouldn't be so awkward. If you're anxious about him in general or him getting the wrong idea, slow your impulses during this time and resist the urge to send flowers or make connections so quickly.

    Parents also form attachments to their children's partners and miss them like family members at times. You might want to be more mindful of how your actions affect others (ie his mum). The flowers are a nice thought but they might have a different overall impact and cause more confusion than is necessary.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    9,543
    Gender
    Female
    Look, what you did was ultimately inappropriate. You are broken up, but you continue to try and insert yourself into his family life. It doesn't matter that you felt close to his mother, when you break up, you end all connections, especially those with the ex's family. Stop trying to stay in his life, let go, move on. You sound like someone who has serious issues with letting go. You've got to learn for your own sake and well being. When you break up, it is over. You have no place in any aspect of his life anymore, least of all, keeping in touch with his family. Learn some healthier boundaries.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    1,044
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Look, what you did was ultimately inappropriate. You are broken up, but you continue to try and insert yourself into his family life. It doesn't matter that you felt close to his mother, when you break up, you end all connections, especially those with the ex's family. Stop trying to stay in his life, let go, move on. You sound like someone who has serious issues with letting go. You've got to learn for your own sake and well being. When you break up, it is over. You have no place in any aspect of his life anymore, least of all, keeping in touch with his family. Learn some healthier boundaries.
    This is true too. One of my ex boyfriends told me that once he breaks up with someone, he never talks to her again. I thought that was so rude, but now that I'm older and wiser (maybe not wiser but definitely older, lol), I see the value in this.

  11. #10
    You haven't done anything wrong. You were being kind to his mom. You did the right thing not replying. Stick to that.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •