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Thread: Boyfriend bailed again how do I handle this?

  1. #1
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    Boyfriend bailed again how do I handle this?

    I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months (heís 24 Iím 20).!For a while he had nothing really going on. He was always free and would ask to see me every day. Eventually I said ďIím really stressed with school we need to see each other less.Ē I think this motivated him to start working. Now he works at a bookstore and does real estate stuff from time to time (heís very new to real estate). Anyways, I have class 5 days a week and non stop homework but I always make time for him. Now that he has work he has no idea how to balance his schedule. What makes me even more mad is that on his off days, he sees his friends. He only sees me the days he has work. So I usually see him when heís tired and cranky, and itís for a few hours?
    Anyways I havenít seen him in over a week. His off days were Monday and Tuesday and he chose to spend them at his friendís house till 1am. He asked if he could see me today after work and stay the night and I said yes. However I have school till 9:30 pm tonight and a ton of homework due. So I spent two days getting all my homework done for the week so I could see him tonight. Then he sends me a text saying ďIím feeling really down, I may need to rest Iím not sure whatís going on. But I think Iím going to take the day for myself and go home after work.Ē (Instead of coming to my house)
    I try to be understanding and I told him that itís okay, but itís becoming really frustrating. Just a week ago he said he would be better about making plans and sticking to them.
    Lastly, because of this, he wants to hang out Sunday instead but I have two huge tests on Monday. Iím fed up with him expecting me to revolve my schedule around him.
    Basically- I donít know how to handle this. He knows I hate when he bails on our plans. And I already texted him saying, ďitís fine I can see you another time.Ē Even though Iím really pissed. So what do I do now essentially?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Are you sure he knows it upsets you? Your response to him says otherwise

  3. #3
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    Yes we went to couples therapy last week and talked in depth about this. This time I said it was fine because Iím sick of telling him Iím upset about plans being cancelled

  4. #4
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    You've been together only nine months, at 20, and you're already in couples therapy? Relationships don't need to be this much work, especially this early and this young.

    Honestly, it kind of sounds like you've outgrown him. Maybe in the early days there was a certain pleasure you got from all his attention, followed by a certain pleasure in pushing him to level up and seeing him blossom a bit. But there's a point where it gets a bit tedious to keep trying to teach someone how to be, you know, a person.

    I can see how, for him, being with you is great. He gets a super star woman who can juggle a lot of balls with grace, help him learn to juggle himself, and so on; but what are you getting out of this, save a project?

    Would I be right in guessing that couples counselingómuch like pushing him to get a jobówas your idea?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Agreed. Too much work.

  7. #6
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    You can do better than this.

    He sounds kinda like a dead weight.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Replied in your identical thread: [Register to see the link]

  9. #8
    I also replied in your other post as you have failed to disclose a lot of necessary information here. I.e he supported and went through a lot with you when you went through a rough time. It's only been 9 months and he went through a storm of emotions with you. Cut him some slack.

  10. #9
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Well, if you are both too busy, something has to give? It's hard to have a date night when you are too busy. One or both of you need to drop it back to a 40 hour work/school week if you want a relationship.

  11. #10
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    I think you can determine a lot about a person's attitude towards life including people and relationships in 9 months. Your concerns are valid and genuine and you may need to rethink your plans for the future and whether there is an advantage to even continuing the relationship or maintaining a friendship.

    Red flags in a relationship are definitely to look out for. I believe you will have lots of opportunities to meet the right person, someone who is committed and also has your best interest at heart. I hope you will seriously consider your feelings, your own self-worth, goals, ideals in a partner and your values and beliefs about life and relationships in general. These are far too important not to give considerable attention to, I think. I'll be praying for the decision you'll eventually have to make and for success on all your upcoming exams. Hugs and blessings!

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