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Thread: How to let go of the little things?

  1. #1
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    How to let go of the little things?

    I get upset and sometimes really angry when I text/message my bf and he doesn't answer. Especially if it's an app where I can see that he's opened the message.

    Most of the time I tell myself he's busy and I'm fine.

    Sometimes, like today, i see that he's opened my message and then just doesn't answer. Like, he messaged me, I answer him, and then he opens it and doesn't bother replying. I find that incredibly rude. I would understand if the conversation had come to an end but its just barely started! Like, why message me if you're not going to reply to me when I reply to you?

    I just wish I didn't care so much about it because I realize it's stupid. Anyone else have an issue like this and found a way to get past it?

  2. #2
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    You need to realise he is his own person and doesn't need to, nor is it healthy to be... glued to his phone all the time.

    Maybe you need to reflect how much you use technology also, maybe have a break and spend less time on your phone then you won't get annoyed over things like this anymore. Why does it matter, if he chooses not to be on his phone all the time? Its a very unhealthy thing to be doing.

    I have had a social media and phone detox and it does wonders for anxiety like this.

    There are a lot of good videos and tedtalks about the overuse of social media and being constantly connected and messaging 24/7.

    I kind of wish it was more like the 90's or early 2000's where there was none of this and the constant need for instant replies. Its really an issue with many people, I have been through this with a friend I had to cut off getting annoyed I wouldn't reply to her when SHE wanted me to... even though 90% of the time I did, until she started getting angry at me.

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    Hi,

    I was wondering, if you thought about it, do you get angry or upset about other 'little' things as well in life outside of your relationship that are perhaps comparable that may not really be considered as important in the grand scheme of things? Of course we all get irritated by things here and there, especiallu if we're tired or stressed, but I wondered if a bit of OCD might be at play, and in the case of relationship text conversing (for example) with a sprinkle of insecurity that may agitate it..

    I'm speaking from experience. If this is the case, it won't exactly go away, but once realised can be mentally addressed and with your own will power, fight and hold such negative tendancies back.

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    How important was your message? If it's something where you need a decision from him before you can go ahead with something, or you're trying to make arrangements and need his input, then feeling irritated when he doesn't respond is quite justified.

    On the other hand, if it was a cute message about nothing in particular, try to relax. If it's just a way of keeping in light contact throughout the day, then him saying "Hi" to you and you saying "Hi" back seems perfectly OK, in the same sort of way that you might say "Hi" if you were passing him in the corridor at school. It doesn't really warrant any further conversation, which would explain why he doesn't take it any further. It's nothing to do with being rude.

    So you need to ask yourself how important his reply is, in the general scheme of things. You seem very needy, and I get that an instant response may feel important to you, but this kind of neediness can be very destructive in a relationship - both to you and him. So, if it's just a cute message, make your response, turn your phone off and get on with something else, preferably something absorbing and pleasant. Hanging around waiting for a reply which doesn't come will be very upsetting for you, more and more so as time goes on.

    Stop looking to him as the source of all the good things in your life, make sure you pay attention to your friends and interests, get more involved in your own life independently of him - and you'll barely notice if he doesn't respond!

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  6. #5
    I think you are seriously overreacting. Not everyone is glued to their phone 24/7. If you keep putting pressure on him with stupid petty things like this then you will push him away. Chill.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Replied in your similar thread with the same question: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by egyptianmau
    I get upset and sometimes really angry when I text/message my bf and he doesn't answer.
    I just wish I didn't care so much about it because I realize it's stupid. Anyone else have an issue like this and found a way to get past it?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    We can't make you stop being upset. I agree with the others, but clearly this is a problem for you that isn't going away. It sounds like him choosing to not respond results in a lot or anxiety for you. Maybe consider moving on from him and finding someone who texts the way you do.

    For the record, I think the primary issue is your own inability to emotionally regulate, but you're not alone in this world of instant gratification and could find a boyfriend who will be just as smothering as you.

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    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I find it helpful to interpret what my attitudes and behaviors say about ME rather than about someone else. For instance, how controlling to do I want to become? Wouldn't I feel better about myself if I can be just as busy as my BF? Can I be patient enough to learn his rhythms and patterns and discover whether those might work out well for me, too? Do I have enough going on in my own life for a healthy balance that prevents me from focusing like a laser beam on BF?

    Ultimately, it occurs to me that I own control over my own focus, and when I misuse it, I'm the one who will pay the price. I'll make myself miserable, and that will come out sideways and make me less attractive to BF or anyone else. I grasp that patience and empathy with others is a life skill, and I encourage myself to build it instead of stew in my own immaturity.

    There are any number of ways to talk yourself into better thinking, and you will thank yourself later.

    Head high.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You let go of the little things if you let go of your phone which turns into a ball 'n chain for you and your boyfriend. You get past it by counting your blessings. If he doesn't lie, cheat, steal and if he's a generally good person, learn to let it go and don't sweat the small stuff. Don't contact him just for chatting sake since a lot of people aren't into it. If it's super important or an emergency, yes message or text but don't over do it otherwise, it's easy to ignore if it's not urgent. Even I get so tired of being too unavailable that sometimes I turn my phone OFF just to catch a break!

  11. #10
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    This also happens to me sometimes with a lady friend crush...........

    a few days ago, she texted she was going to bed, so I did not reply, did not want to bother her (I guess I could have texted "good night, sweetie my sweetie" - many times I do).

    Then the next day, we were having a text conversation, and she made the last text and I did not reply within and hour or so, and she got really mad at me, lol. That said, she was having a really bad day.

    We smoothed things over with only a few texts.

    I'm sorry, I just don't take Spacebook and text very seriously. But what do you guys think?

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