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Thread: why am I like this.

  1. #1

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    why am I like this.

    First time writing on a forum so apologies if I don't do it right.

    I met this girl while in another country, it was clear we both wanted more than a fling while I was there so we kept in close contact while I went back home with the intent to go back over soon enough. Long story short I ended what we were, has happened a couple times but the outcome stays the same. The thing is every time we cut off I always think about her and the thought of her moving on or finding someone who treats her better than I do (which I most definitely want for her) breaks me apart, like I am still super jealous if she starts talking with another dude even if her intentions are no more than friendly. But then when we start talking again and get closer I don't want to talk to her as much and my desire for her slowly fades away again. As much as I want to start talking to her again and get close I can't because I am sick of continuously hurting her, she deserves way more than that and I just want her to see I am not the perfect guy she tells me she see's me as, because clearly if you're reading this, I'm not. I just want to know if other people go through this or if I'm the only one and if so why can't I/how can I fix this. I had a few firsts with this girl intimacy-wise, I don't know if that would have anything to do with it. Usually I just force myself to dislike whoever it is but this time I can't. (sorry if swearing isn't allowed).

    Thanks.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Try dating local girls, so you can get out of this short circuit with her.

  3. #3
    I honestly don't know anyone else who acts like you. You need a clean break from this. Cut contact for good and if your good at forcing yourself to do things then force yourself to move on, occupy your time with something other than thinking about her. She is in another country, you are both wasting your time here.

  4. #4
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    You are only jealous when you don't have her. This isn't true attraction. This is immaturity and cruel to her.

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  6. #5
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I agree about the immaturity. You enjoy the chase more than the prize. Date girls where you live and don't jump into expectations that every date has to result in a serious relationship.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It's still fresh. Things are still painful and you still have the memory of being intimate and sharing inside jokes etc. Don't beat yourself up about your feelings. I think you're just feeling wistful because you care about her and have memories with her. This is what healing yourself means (taking that time out not to date again and to go back to being easy with yourself and comfortable without constant thoughts of someone else or worrying about what your ex is doing). I wouldn't say you're jealous, just wistful.

    Be kind to yourself and start re-orienting yourself. Figure out your priorities and what you want to accomplish and in your free time, spend your time with friends and family members. You know what's good for her and what's good for you. It's a matter of walking your talk and actually finding a method that works for you in getting your life back on track.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Try dating local girls, so you can get out of this short circuit with her.
    - bingo. you should find a local replacement for her. Most LDR's don't work out.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    I also vote for immaturity. Not trying to be cruel, I'm speaking from experience. I was the girl version of you way back when. I'd like a guy, the minute he liked me back I immediately did NOT like him. It went on this like for quite a while. It's immaturity and yeah, a bit of entitlement.

    Not trying to crucify you, hopefully this is just because you're young and/or inexperienced. The good news is that you're aware of what you're doing, and that's the first step to becoming a more grown-up version of yourself.

    So what do you do? You let go of this girl, at least as far as the emotional investment. Remain friends if you can keep it platonic, if not, go NC. Work on yourself a bit. When the time comes that you look back on this and think "omg I'm so embarrassed for how I treated her," then congratulations, you're older and wiser. :)

  10. #9

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    Thanks for each of your inputs, I totally agree with the immaturity etc. and am in no way insulted, because you guys are right. Iíll take in what you all have said and work on myself more before I go looking for another relationship. Thanks again.

  11. #10

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    How do you know when itís true attraction? at first I thought it was.

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