Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 28

Thread: I'm (F21) annoyed at my boyfriend (26), pls let me know if I'm just being petty

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    51
    Gender
    Female

    I'm (F21) annoyed at my boyfriend (26), pls let me know if I'm just being petty

    Hello, first time poster here! Just looking for some advice to my personal dilemma. Warning, it's long!

    It was my boyfriend's birthday yesterday and he turned 26. The day before, him, his mom, and I talked about going out to dinner altogether for his birthday. I told him I might not be able to just because I had a summary assignment due. I worked on it during the day so I could go.

    My classes ended at 4pm yesterday, so I called him to see if I should just head over to his house from school. He said he was out with a friend grabbing some food. I said ok, I'll go home and asked him to let me know when he's back home so I can meet them. He said ok and we hung up.

    I get a call an hour or so later and he says that he's wrapping up with his friend and his mom wanted to go for dinner at 6pm. So, I told him I'd be by his house by 6pm. Then he says that I should be at his house by 5:30pm as he thinks his mom wants to be at the restaurant by 6pm. I told him that that was an awkward time because it would be just before 5:30pm when I get to my house so I would have to drive to my house, not even have time to walk into my house, then drive to his house to make it to his house for 5:30pm. He says again that he's wrapping up with his friend and that he will leave in the next 5 min or so so he should make it back to his house before I do. I double check with him to make sure he's not just saying that and cutting things short with his friend. He says he's not. So I tell him that I will just go straight to his house and he confirms that he will be leaving in the next few minutes.

    I get to his house (which took about 25 ish minutes) and I call him to let him know I'm out front. He hangs up on me so I just send him a text telling him I'm out front. Then he texts me back:

    "OK, I'll leave now then"

    [me]: "you haven't left yet?"

    [him]: no -friend- and I got to talking and I lost track of time I'm sorry"

    I didn't respond.

    He calls me when he's close to his house and says, "I couldn't remember if I said I would leave right away when I called you or if I said I was gonna leave when you got to my house"

    Which to me, sounds like an excuse.

    I was annoyed. He knew I was annoyed. I tried really, really hard not to show it because it was his birthday and I wanted it to be a good day but I was really annoyed.

    THEN after dinner we're going to get some milk and he says that the country my parents are from doesn't know what they're doing and they're (the country as a whole) is messing up. I basically said, "why would you say that, that's so rude" then he said "I didn't mean any of that" and brushed it off. But that made me mad. Again, I tried really hard to keep things light because it was his birthday.

    We get back to his house and we're watching Jeopardy, I ask if there are any normal episodes (no teen, teacher, kids jeopardy) and he goes "you're not getting the answers to these, why do you want to watch normal jeopardy?" I knew it was said as a joke, but it was rude. He switched it to normal Jeopardy but I wasn't in a good mood and he could tell even though I was trying really hard at this point to keep things light.

    I feel like the whole day yesterday was me trying to brush things off when he said rude things, when he literally made me wait because he told me he was done with his friend when he actually wasn't and then me trying to keep things light again when he said something that was rude.

    Today, we went to the gym together. He seemed annoyed but he's the one who invited me to go with him. Now, I'm annoyed. Tell me, please, if I'm doing something wrong here.

    Any sort of insight would be much appreciated. Thank you!

  2. #2
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Location
    California
    Posts
    119
    Gender
    Female
    It was his birthday, cut the guy some slack.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    1,045
    Gender
    Female
    Can we have some context? How long have you guys been together? Is this the way you two normally interact and communicate?

    Was your BF and his friend talking about something really important that he lost track of time, or is this something that happens often?

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    51
    Gender
    Female
    I really want to, I want to try to be the best I can cause he's helped me with a lot of stuff but sometimes it feels like he still treats me like the person I was when we first met. Any advice on how I can just let this go? I don't want to be the nasty one who made him feel bad on his bday

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    51
    Gender
    Female
    We have been together just under a year (it will be our 1 year in 11 days). I had a bit of mental health issues going on when we met (depression mainly) and he helped me through a lot of that. I'm mostly mentally stable now.

    He's a little weird when it comes to communication: he's had past girlfriends who apparently got mad at him when he didn't say/text them exactly what they wanted to hear so he gets super defensive when I say things like "Can you use the word 'love' when you're responding to my I love you text". In the end, I didn't really care enough about it to keep asking and putting a strain on the relationship and I haven't brought it up since. But basically, I made a request and he got mad at me because it made him feel constrained like when his ex asked him to text him specific things. I on the other hand, don't see it like that. It was just a request because it would be something I would like.

    Apparently the conversation he was having with his friend was about whether or not another friend in their group would or wouldn't get into med school. I don't know how important this was, because it could have been really important, but the way he talked about it made it sound like it wasn't that important.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    9,617
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by egyptianmau
    I really want to, I want to try to be the best I can cause he's helped me with a lot of stuff but sometimes it feels like he still treats me like the person I was when we first met. Any advice on how I can just let this go? I don't want to be the nasty one who made him feel bad on his bday
    But your reactions were in line with what he was doing and with what he said to you.
    You aren't making him feel bad on his birthday. He was being disrespectful to you and that doesn't feel good.

    If this was just one off and day and it being his birthday, you can choose to shake it off and reset. But I am going to guess it's a little more of a daily theme between you two.

    He seems like he can't be bothered with you and you shouldn't feel good about it.

    I hear you asked for help on how to stuff the disappointment you have from how he treats you.
    I think you address how he treats you instead.

  8. #7
    This just sounds like you are being overly paranoid and reading too much into nothing.

  9. #8
    Bronze Member BecxyRex's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    286
    Gender
    Female
    Iím not sensing anything over the top rude from him either. He got carried away talking to his buddy on his birthday. I donít think thatís a big deal. Couldnít you have met him and his mom at the restaurant at 6 to avoid putting on extra pressure?
    The jeopardy comment I find pretty harmless to be honest. I wouldíve probably laughed, but maybe the mood of the entire day made you a bit more tense. Do you find him generally disrespectful or was it just on that day?

  10. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    51
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by BecxyRex
    Iím not sensing anything over the top rude from him either. He got carried away talking to his buddy on his birthday. I donít think thatís a big deal. Couldnít you have met him and his mom at the restaurant at 6 to avoid putting on extra pressure?
    The jeopardy comment I find pretty harmless to be honest. I wouldíve probably laughed, but maybe the mood of the entire day made you a bit more tense. Do you find him generally disrespectful or was it just on that day?
    I could have met them at the restaurant yes, but he didn't even know where he wanted to go. I had no problem meeting him wherever he wanted but he specifically told me he was done hanging out with friend so he would be heading over to his house and should be there before I got there.

    I feel like I'm trying hard to make his life easier and he doesn't do the same for me

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    8,383
    Originally Posted by egyptianmau
    I feel like I'm trying hard to make his life easier and he doesn't do the same for me
    So my guess is that this extends beyond the events on his birthday.

    How is communication between you two in general? How often do you see each other?

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •