Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: LDR+Both Party Anxiety

  1. #1

    LDR+Both Party Anxiety

    My ex(19F) and I(22M) were in a LDR for about 6-7 months, and both of us have anxiety with hints of depression. Before we got into the relationship we had asked if we were willing to try an LDR and we both had said yes. We lived 2-3 hours away and with her at college she's four hours away.

    We feel quickly and we both felt we were the one for the other. We have various great times together, as well as bad. At the start of November I had surgery which didn't allow me to sit and my vehicle could no longer handle the journey down to her. We didn't see each other in person again until January. She had bought promise rings for us both as I had been on medical leave and had not been making money due to irresponsibility with the disability.

    She stayed up here for a week in January. Over the course of the relationship, there were four panic attacks between the two of us. I had one while I was at home and she was at school and she comforted me over the phone. She had three while we were together and I did my best to calm her and apologized if anything was my own fault.

    Towards the end, I know I started to become more needy and insecure. There were days where she was distant and didn't want social contact with anyone, including me so I said I'd leave her alone for the day. The next day? I'd say the same thing yet I'd still contact her. I regret this with every part of my very soul. I feel that my confidence died at some point during the relationship.

    I became lazy, and even though I had the ability to go down there to see her I didn't set up a day, time, or anything even though I know I had the vacation time.

    In the past two weeks of the relationship, she became distant. She mentioned she wanted to talk in person about a possible break. I wasn't found of a break but I said if that's what she needed then so be it. One day after talking she felt better and we had a day set up to meet each other again. She was excited, happy, and said we'd get through this together. Then she broke down again and said she was going to get professional help as soon as she could. Over text, I told her I wasn't sure if I could take much more and asked if she even wanted me to come down. I wish I never said those things. I knew what was coming.

    I drove down there the two-three hours to her house, and she broke up with me. I saw it coming, apologized for how I acted the days prior and told her I knew it was coming and that I agreed with her. Because I did, and still do.

    I firmly believe that her ending the relationship was the right move, at least for the time being.

    I am not intending to go out of my way to get back with her, as I understand because she's still just a sophomore in college with all the stress of that and a long distance relationship is difficult. Especially since we didn't handle it right and didn't set clear plans for when we'd be together permanently nor did we see each other as much as we should have(At least once a month though I probably could have made it to her more.) I truly wish her nothing but the best.

    However, my intuition is telling me gently that I shouldn't walk away from her. It's not telling me I can't, just that I shouldn't. I know I'm posting this under 'Getting Back Together', and I'm not going out of my way to.

    I'm just looking for advise on how to be a better friend, and maybe a new lover with her. I've seen the no contact rule and I have subscribed to an email program to help me heal and reflect on the relationship, my feelings towards her, and myself. I have also taken the steps to start therapy and my first true session is coming up.

    I don't want to pressure her, and I don't want her to feel I'm gone. She said it took six months for her and her ex to get back together, though they broke up later for reasons I will not discuss out of respect to both parties.

    We also met at a convention which is coming up and we both plan to go to.

    I'm wondering if I have a chance to get back with her, as I feel it wasn't purely her anxiety and depression that caused the end. I feel it's a mixture of her anxiety, depression, the distance, our communication issues and my own insecurities.

    And even if I don't have a chance or if I don't get back with her(Not the main goal, honestly), how do I be a good and proper caring friend?

    P.S. I will not take 'Walk away' as an answer. She deserves much better than that because she is truly a beautiful soul despite her flaws and shortcomings. I don't blame her for these and I understand. I just want what's best for her and I want to be the best me if I try to get with her again.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    31,962
    Gender
    Male
    LDRs are difficult in themselves. Add to that multiple other problems and incompatibilities. You can try to be 'friends", but what you want is to resume the relationship via that route. Is she dating other local guys? You may be in for a heartache since "walk away is not the answer" for you.
    Originally Posted by EverLearning
    P.S. I will not take 'Walk away' as an answer.

  3. #3
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    LDRs are difficult in themselves. Add to that multiple other problems and incompatibilities. You can try to be 'friends", but what you want is to resume the relationship via that route. Is she dating other local guys? You may be in for a heartache since "walk away is not the answer" for you.
    Let me clarify. There were also compatibilities, we have a lot of similar interests and goals.

    She said she wasn't going to date while still in college.

    I do wish to try to get back with her once. I owe what we could have had that. If not? Then I'm alright staying her friend.

    When I say I won't walk away, I mean that she deserves better than that and I am a better person than that to walk away over this. I'm not going to waste my life trying to get her back, but I'm not going to stop being a friend just because she doesn't want me romantically.

    I hope that makes sense.
    Last edited by EverLearning; 03-20-2019 at 06:53 AM. Reason: Clarifying

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    31,962
    Gender
    Male
    She walked away. She broke up.
    Originally Posted by EverLearning
    She mentioned she wanted to talk in person about a possible break. I drove down there the two-three hours to her house, and she broke up with me.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    She walked away. She broke up.
    I know. She's the one who said before we broke up awhile ago that she tries to be friends with her exes. Thus why I want to be friends.

    I'm not holding onto a false hope of her suddenly coming back. I just want to know how to be a good friend when the time comes.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    31,962
    Gender
    Male
    Being friends...or being in a relationship is a mutual decision. If she doesn't want either then that's it.

  8. #7
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    930
    Most LDR's don't work out, sorry


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •