Jump to content

One night stand with coworker now pregnant


Kpashw

Recommended Posts

Hey. Guys so i have a friend who is in a complicated situation!

 

She met a guy at work they started messaging each other she met him at his place they had sex. Now.shes pregnant. When she went to discuss it with the guy he first said that "he couldnt do this because he was getting back with his kids mama" and asked my friend not to tell anybody about them.

 

He then blocked her. Well after going to the dr and re confirming the pregnancy she had to make another fb profile just to message him. She told him that she got it confirmed. And he messaged her back and first said "he cant have kids" then.sent a follow up message stating "i didnt cum in you i pulled out i was sober".

 

My friend tells him that she will gladly Pay for a dna test when she is able to get one. Even though she hasnt been with anyone else but him. And after telling him that he blocked her again.

 

What should she do?

Link to comment

She waits until the kid is born and undergoes the process to collect child support should the baby make it to term and should she decide to keep him or her, whether in considering abortion or adoption. Not sure what all she's expecting to come from these conversations. She's going to choose what she's going to choose, as is and should be her right, and his apathy toward that fact would seem to speak for itself. I get it would be nice if he'd hold her hand whenever she visits the clinic and help with preparations, even if in a strictly platonic capacity, but I wouldn't expect an incredible level of maturity out of either him or her if they were willing to resort to raw dogging and pulling out during a one-night stand. Hopefully if or when the kid becomes much more of a pending reality, he'll decide to step up as a father, but I wouldn't expect him to want much, if anything to do with anything until then.

 

Assuming no force or coercion, the only party I tend to feel bad for in these situations is the child.

Link to comment
What should she do?
Well, if it were me, I'd have an abortion. The last thing I would want is to be tied to some one night stand. If she's not open to that then she should get a lawyer and find out what her rights are. Do you/she know where he lives/works/his last name?

 

She met a guy at work
Does she work with him or was she just at work and he came in to do business there or something?

 

Water under the bridge now but she should carry some condoms with her and if the guy won't put it on then she should get up and leave. Tell her that for the future. She should get a full STD panel done if she hasn't already.

Link to comment

I'm not sure, mentally/psychologically, what she's looking for. This was a one night stand and it wasn't a relationship. I don't feel like she's thinking this through. She now has the option to raise a child independently of a father that wants nothing to do with it. She should ask herself what she wants to do with the pregnancy but also, to what end is bothering the father going to do at this point if he simply does not want to have anything to do with the child? Is she looking for financial support? For ownership of what happened? Is she looking for support in general because she doesn't want to go through this pregnancy alone? What does she want?

 

After she figures out what she wants, she needs to weigh it against the reality of the situation and what her real options are. She might want to think about the type of mother (if she chooses to go through with the pregnancy) she wants to be and what type of life she wants to provide for the child. She's got much bigger fish to fry, in my mind, than pursuing an obstinate or negligent father. Think forwards and build solutions.

Link to comment

Tell you friend welcome to the wonderful world of having unprotected casual sex!

 

The concern for STD’s alone... yeesh... but to each their own.

 

She really doesn’t have any choice when it comes to him, he’s letrinf it be known he’s not going to be there and will protest custody. If she chooses to continue with the pregnancy she will have to establish paternity and child support.

 

It’s going to be rough for her for sure. Hard 18 year lesson to learn, use condoms...

 

Also like this guy you don’t truly know your friends sexual history, especially if she was willing to have sex unprotected with a one night stand. She could just be saying that to you, unless your friend is you, which I kinda suspect given the amount of knowledge you have about her situation.

 

It’s going to be ok, whatever she decides it’ll be ok. Don’t depend on him though, he closed the door, if he chooses to open it awesome if not, she has to do what she has to do.

Link to comment

Bear in mind I've never been single and pregnant, but I'll veer out of my lane anyway. I can't imagine that innately and often debilitatingly stressful situation will be done any favors stirring up **** with a man and his family. As I said before, it's not that I think he's a gem by any stretch, but it's 100% risk, 0% reward playing the vindictive other woman here, assuming he hasn't indeed been simply trying to work things out with his child's mother and it not being a done deal for him to have actually cheated.

 

The result will be the same. If the kid's his and she keeps the child, he's on the hook to pay up. Starting a firestorm to "make him step up" would most likely accomplish the exact opposite if she would like for him to amicably co-parent in any capacity. Not to mention the fact they're coworkers and that Pandora's got an entire other box you probably don't want to get petty and risk opening there.

Link to comment
He's trying to get out of his responsibility and not have his current gf find out. He's half to blame for this. Tell his gf, make him step up and stop being an ass.

 

You can’t force someone to be a parent. Even paying child support could potentially be a fight. All she will do by injecting herself into his relationships is cause stress and drama and push him even further away, not to mention the ridicule and cruelty she will experiences from the baby mama and him. I’m talking Jerry Springer levels.

 

This was not a relationship. Does he have a right to keep his child a secret absolutely not he made a choice and lied down in that bed unprotected just like she did, but the easiest route to take is through the courts. Creating new Facebook accounts chasing him down, all completely useless, you can’t force someone to be a parent.

Link to comment

I agree, jman. The result will be the same except a lot more stress on the woman and distraction from what actually matters: making a decision about this pregnancy and then moving forward and taking care of herself and situation. She has enough on her plate and stressing her body already.

 

There is no legal obligation on this mans part to care. It's harsh, but it's the reality we deal with. That's why it's important to choose wisely when deciding on who your child's father will be.

Link to comment
Is she a responsible adult? Has she ever expressed wanting kids? Then why not be a single mom, and forget about this immature chump she slept with?

 

A responsible adult would know what the potential consequences can be with having unprotected sex. With that said they're both equally responsible for the use of birth control. If she chooses to go through with the pregnancy, why should he be off the hook with regards to paying child support?

Link to comment

She will need a paternity test once the baby is born, if she doesnt have an abortion first, which I think is the best idea. Then if it's his child she does the paperwork for child support and he pays til the child is 18. Or she gives it up for adoption.

 

This is an example of how stupid some people can be. There's no reason for anyone to have a one night stand with unprotected sex.

Link to comment

First - he is trying to ignore his role and responsibility. So he gets no say in what happens next - that is how it is.

 

Secondly - It is entirely up to you whether you keep the baby or not. There are all sorts of things to consider here. Talk to a counselor experienced in this area.

You may have religious or philosophical beliefs that will impact your decision, but in the end, it is your decision.

 

Thirdly if you choose to have the child, then after it is born get a lawyer and at least enforce the father's financial obligations to assist.

 

Lastly, at least he has a job. Things could be worse.

Link to comment

If it is you, it sucks you feel to write in third-person to avoid personal unnecessary judgement and criticism, sorry this happened and whatever you (or your friend) decide, stay strong. There's nothing anyone here can say to change your mind because it is your own decision that you (or your friend) strongly feel

Link to comment
A responsible adult would know what the potential consequences can be with having unprotected sex. With that said they're both equally responsible for the use of birth control. If she chooses to go through with the pregnancy, why should he be off the hook with regards to paying child support?

 

I’m not saying he should be off the hook with paying child support. But people are mentioning “adoption” and “abortion” on here, as if they’re a walk in the park, they’re two very hard decisions to make, a lot harder than you think, so I’m just stating that there’s an alternative choice if she can’t/doesn’t want to give the baby up. Sometimes (more than sometimes) people get pregnant by mistake- even older, responsible, even married adults do sometimes, actually they do more than you think, it’s not always planned. So as a single woman who isn’t getting a good response from the sperm donor (for lack of a better word), she is able to have and raise the baby on her own- with or without child support. And if he continues to be a chump, she shouldn’t waste her life worrying about him and just have a nice life with her baby. I’m speaking from a single -woman-who-doesn’t-receive-child-support -point-of-view (although he’s supposed to pay) — it’s tough out there, but she can do it on her own if she chooses. Sometimes bad situations turn into good situations— this could be the best thing that ever happened to her! I’m trying to be positive about the situation.

Link to comment

Your friend needs to take responsibility, she is the one who got pregnant, she is the one who slept with a guy she barely knew who wasn't her boyfriend and she is the one who didn't use condoms.

 

Yes, I know he was just as bad, but he's not going to be her boyfriend or the baby's father no matter how loudly she cries.

She's going to have to accept that.

 

If she has this baby, it will be her alone raising it. She can get him to pay for child support once the baby is here, but there is nothing else she is going to get from him.

Link to comment

ndk said:

Today 12:17 AM

If it is you, it sucks you feel to write in third-person to avoid personal unnecessary judgement and criticism, sorry this happened and whatever you (or your friend) decide, stay strong. There's nothing anyone here can say to change your mind because it is your own decision that you (or your friend) strongly feel

 

 

 

Ndk it is my friend. My best friend at that and she was drunk im sure of that because i was with her before she got dropped off at his house. Now thats no exscuse but knowing her she wouldnt willingly not use a condom. She has 3 kids already. But she asked me what i would do or what i thought and i had to ask other people seeing as though ive never been in this situation

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...