we broke up 4 years ago, he sends a heartfelt bday msg every year?

My ex and I dated in highschool, and I broke up with him at the end of our senior year. Fast forward 4 years later, we don't talk anymore, we're not even friends for that matter. He asked if we could be to which I politely declined. I no longer wish him for his birthday as I don't see it as appropriate. But every year hes one of the first people to always send me a happy birthday text that's quite heartfelt. His birthday is before mine and I almost feel guilty for not texting him happy birthday for his special day when he sends me a happy birthday text for mine. I'm not sure why he's reaching out, given that he told me he was over me a couple of months after we broke up. Feeling guilty??

Block him.

If you don't want him to do this then tell him to stop it.

Why haven't you blocked him?

I agree with the others, just block him in all ways so you don't have to think about him anymore.

It's kind of a manipulative way for him to continue to stay in your life and your thoughts and you've got to admit it's working. Thing is that there is nothing nice or heartfelt about his actions - it's actually rather creepy and highly manipulative. A way to keep you on a string, at least in his mind.

Best way for you is to rebuff him, but if you can't bring yourself to be blunt with him, then simply block him so you can disconnect and move on with your life. Right now, year after year, he is making sure to insert himself in your life. Creepy af.

My ex and I dated in highschool, and I broke up with him at the end of our senior year. Fast forward 4 years later, we don't talk anymore, we're not even friends for that matter. He asked if we could be to which I politely declined. I no longer wish him for his birthday as I don't see it as appropriate. But every year hes one of the first people to always send me a happy birthday text that's quite heartfelt. His birthday is before mine and I almost feel guilty for not texting him happy birthday for his special day when he sends me a happy birthday text for mine. I'm not sure why he's reaching out, given that he told me he was over me a couple of months after we broke up. Feeling guilty??

I had an ex like that, we stayed friends after the break up, but started talking less and less, however, on my birthday and Christmas I would always get a nice message from him, nothing else for the rest of the year, so it didnt really bother me. One day I realized though that it was pointless and I deleted him from my social media and blocked his number.

I do this with people on Facebook every once in a while... If we haven't spoken in months, you will be deleted, we are not really friends, no point.

I haven't blocked him because many of my friends are friends with him - one of my friends is getting married so I saw him at her engagement party we were seated at the same table and I'm sure I'll see him at the wedding too. And that's just one of my friends. I have at least 2 more friends that are close with him. I feel like being face to face with someone I've blocked is a little bit awkward? If anyone has experience with that.

You are not responding to his messages, so what's the difference?

I haven't blocked him because many of my friends are friends with him - one of my friends is getting married so I saw him at her engagement party we were seated at the same table and I'm sure I'll see him at the wedding too. And that's just one of my friends. I have at least 2 more friends that are close with him. I feel like being face to face with someone I've blocked is a little bit awkward? If anyone has experience with that.

I'm fairly outspoken, especially when it comes to my boundaries, so I've only ever had to block a few people over my lifetime because they were extreme and wouldn't take no for an answer. If I know I'll be somehow socially connected to someone, I prefer to stay civil, BUT with boundaries. Meaning that if their ongoing contact is not welcome, I'll just let them know politely at first and more firmly later on, if polite doesn't get the message across.

Although...sometimes a more passive aggressive message is also highly effective, such as "I'm sorry who is this?" in response to his b-day message, followed by..."oh....er....thanks I guess..." What you are telling him is that you've long deleted him, didn't recognize his number and no longer care and after 4 years....I mean ....you shouldn't care.

Oh wow. Don't poop where you eat.

Since you have mutual friends, I would ask him to stop but be nice about it. Not that there is anything wrong with passive-aggressive... it’s just my way, personally. (the first time)

“Thank you! It is so sweet and thoughtful that you always remember by bday.

That said... ummm... do you mind if we drop the bday wishes? Every year I find it kind of awkward. It’s not personal or anything - I would just rather not. It’s sweet - but please stop. Thanks for understanding.”

With that kind of message, you are asserting your boundaries but have no reason to feel awkward if you run into him again, IMO. You were clear on where you stand, but nice.

(Whether or not he’s actually being sweet by wishing you a happy bday is up for debate - but - it’s less confrontational IMO)

My ex and I dated in highschool, and I broke up with him at the end of our senior year. Fast forward 4 years later, we don't talk anymore, we're not even friends for that matter. He asked if we could be to which I politely declined. I no longer wish him for his birthday as I don't see it as appropriate. But every year hes one of the first people to always send me a happy birthday text that's quite heartfelt. His birthday is before mine and I almost feel guilty for not texting him happy birthday for his special day when he sends me a happy birthday text for mine. I'm not sure why he's reaching out, given that he told me he was over me a couple of months after we broke up. Feeling guilty??

I also vote for "block him."

I haven't blocked him because many of my friends are friends with him - one of my friends is getting married so I saw him at her engagement party we were seated at the same table and I'm sure I'll see him at the wedding too. And that's just one of my friends. I have at least 2 more friends that are close with him. I feel like being face to face with someone I've blocked is a little bit awkward? If anyone has experience with that.

 

Unless this really bothers you and gets under your skin, why not just delete the message and go on with your life? It's junk mail. Maybe it will be useful, maybe not.

It's strange that he sends heart-felt messages yearly, and you kind of wonder...manipulation? Danger? He wants you back?

Unless he's infiltrating your personal life through mutual friends and family and causing trouble, ignore it like I did the flyers left on my door today and the stack in my mailbox last week. A polite thank you or ignore...whichever is appropriate.

If you want it to stop, kindly ask him to do so...be mindful and polite. If you feel this is stalker, dangerous behavior, block. Otherwise, it's just something you acknowledge and toss pretty fast. Delete and move on....or save in your "stalker file" and move on...whatever.

What's his personality outside of your relationship? Is he this flowery and expressive with everyone? You don't express anything alarming with this guy, just curiosity as to why this guy is verbose once a year.

This all comes down to you, does it bother you or does it not bother you to receive this bday message once a year? He does it because it does something for him, that is the motivation behind all actions. It is not necessarily threatening though, he, like most people may recall fondly on memories of the people who have meant something to him in his life and that may prompt him to reach out ever so seldom to let you know that your important and the time you shared with him was meaningful to him. Simple as that, no more no less. If it makes him happy to send you a few sentences via text once a year and you respond with a simple "thanks for your good wishes" than no harm no foul. But this assumes he is a healthy, mature, well balanced person, if he is not or if you think there is anything sinister in his actions then you know what to do. But it isn't necessary to do anything, this situation may not require a "boundary", nor does it require much thought on your part. If you are investing a lot of mental energy into wondering why he is doing this, well then maybe you do need to shut it down. It really is all up to you, its about you, not him.

I haven't blocked him because many of my friends are friends with him - one of my friends is getting married so I saw him at her engagement party we were seated at the same table and I'm sure I'll see him at the wedding too. And that's just one of my friends. I have at least 2 more friends that are close with him. I feel like being face to face with someone I've blocked is a little bit awkward? If anyone has experience with that.

Having common friends has nothing to do with this. He wont know you have blocked him so how will they know? How is it going to affect these 'friends'? It's totally irrelevant.