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Thread: Anger at DUMPER building as NC continues. How to deal with it?

  1. #31
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    We were together 14 months. She broke up with me for few weeks after first 3 months and we got back together. Ive done much research actually on Narc and while she definitely fits the bill in some areas (gaslighting, stonewalling) and I went through a 'devalue' phase, She had trouble actually convincing me to agree to end the relationship and I dragged it out for 2 extra months. A true narc discards without a care.

    I think that word describes her personality but I dont think she has the full blown disorder per se. Definitely selfish and a 'player', but I dont think she will hoover me. Sometimes normal people can display some of these traits like break up and get back. I shouldn't have used the word narc because didnt want to derail the discussion. But i do agree she wont change, she is never wrong, needs validation about her looks/appeal, and is selfish to the core. So im sure she is on the spectrum. If she did cheat on me with my client and left me for him (which I suspect but cant prove), then she triangulated as well. If she is a true narc, then a smear campaign has already begun and maybe why clients are avoiding me. Or I am just paranoid. I dont know.

    She is either a narc or has many of the traits. I feel I could never trust her, so I know I cant have relationship with her or marry. Maybe FWB at some point if both wanted. But not for a long long time. And even then maybe not

  2. #32
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    I would forget the FWB too. Why would you want someone like this in your life?

  3. #33
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    I guess because the physical part was very good, but I would probably have hard time not getting feelings again. I know I prob shoudn't

  4. #34
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    Definitely shouldn't my friend. Physical is unimportant when someone behaves like this. Think of it as a bonus if things are good.

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  6. #35
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    Originally Posted by hp1
    She broke up with me for few weeks after first 3 months and we got back together.
    Typical NPD stuff.

    You need to put this psycho well behind you.

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by hp1
    I guess because the physical part was very good, but I would probably have hard time not getting feelings again. I know I prob shoudn't
    And they are usually quite dirty in bed and promiscuous.

    She is hitting all the markers, HP1.

    You do not need this in your life.

  8. #37
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    @ninjabib: yes I guess reading that it makes sense. not worth it. Just never had in my life that kind of physical connection. I guess got addicted to it.
    @rayray63: well seems like it. But must be non NPD that break up and then want you back or also are very sexual. Cant just be narcs. That said, better to err on side of caution and assume she is on that continum and act as such. Like you said. Charming and beguiling to an extent ive never had in a GF. everything about her mysterious and secretive. Hidden friends list on FB. Even her photo is of just part of her face. No wonder I never felt secure with her.

  9. #38
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    Brother I have been there.

    They do not change.

    They are they are the scorpion to your frog.

    They will sting you half way over the river.

    They are the way they are, you can't fix them.

    They don't want to be fixed, they love themselves and nothing is their fault.

    Leave them in your dust, and just move forward.

  10. #39
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    Yes Ray is absolutely right, she will never change. This is who she is and she loves it. Why would she consider anyone elses feelings when shes learnt she can get through life like this. You are better off without her even if it doesnt feel this way at the moment.

  11. #40
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    Nothing like sl*t shaming and arm chair diagnosing first thing in the morning!

    Better than coffee!

    HP she could be a serial killer it doesnít take away from the fact that youíre a codependent insecure and needy (your words) people pleaser.

    Focus on that please.

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