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Thread: Why is he hurt I cut him off?

  1. #1
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    Why is he hurt I cut him off?

    Hi, ok I have a male friend which Iíve known for a little while, we started becoming more close recently just because we spoke a lot and our conversations were quite deep. I did always try to make them light hearted too. If we texted and I went aways for a short period of time, like I had to make my dinner or had to get back to work he would get upset with me and that I had left him all alone. So I recently said why dont we just use texting to arrange meeting up and phoning. So that was that. He is quite flirty with me and I can be too as he is a very attractive guy. I didnít ďfancyĒ him but since he has been in contact with me everyday and he is very caring and extremely completementary of me and he always says he likes me a lot and expresses how much he likes my personality. I love his caring side and I have been feeling more attached to him that I want more than just friends. The thing is he is a virgin, never had a girlfriend and he has certainly religious beliefs that if I didnít share them we couldnít be together. So I told him I was feeling a connection of being more his girlfriend but he canít be my boyfriend so I told him Iím going to have to cut him off for a while. He has got so upset by this that Iím confused. He says it has triggered things from his past (his mother left him when he was young). I havenít spiked to him for two days and according to a friend of mine he has posted on social media how hurt he is buy someone cutting him off and that itís made him sad. Why is he not understanding that I need this? Is he being selfish?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Have you explained in detail why you feel the need to cut him off and told him everything you've said here? If not, then no wonder he is hurt and confused.

    You need to tell him exactly why you feel you and he shouldn't carry on.

    I mean, you don't have to, but it could spare a lot of hurt feelings.

  3. #3
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    Thanks for commenting. Yes have explained everything, I explained to him in detail, I know heís sensitive but I canít help how I feel. He told me he understood but it doesnít sound like it from his posts.

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    He needs to understand that you cannot be friends if there are feelings.

    How old is he?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    If you've made it clear to him, then there is nothing you can do about his reaction. You've been fair.

    It is unfortunate about his religion and the incompatibilities that you two have but it does sound as though it will cause issues down the road.

    If he is having a lot of abandonment issues, this is something he needs to deal with. You can't fix that for him. He would need a good therapist to help him deal with his issues so that they don't cause more problems for him in life.
    Even if you were to date him, you cannot fix this for him nor it is your job to fix it for him.

    You could always decide to be friends with him again down the road once your feelings have lessened.
    But you're doing right by staying away. It will only cause you hurt.

    Hopefully one day he will understand where you're coming from and why you had to stay away.
    It does make perfect sense..you want more than friendship, he either can't give that to you or there will be too many problems associated with it.

    You're doing the right thing, even if it's hard on both of you.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    He needs to understand that you cannot be friends if there are feelings.

    How old is he?
    He is 30 years old.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    This seems like drama for dramas sake.

    It happens, but if youíre cutting the friendship off, for reasons you feel strongly about thatís it thatís all.

    If you care about him, you wouldnít have cut it off as coldly as you did, as a game to see if he cared to see what he would do, I would assume your cutting him off was because you were making a mature decision for yourself, Iím assuming you did with very good reason and not as game playing.

    So do the both of you a favor and donít drag it out with drama.

    If you made a choice that is best for you. You have nothing to apologize for. You did an adult and mature thing. If he canít accept that then he canít, you made an adult decision and that includes acting as an adult afterwards. Iíd you did all this as game playing and to see what his reaction is... well thatís a whole other can of worms, and honestly would explain why this post exists but I digress.

  9. #8
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    No offense, but I thought he was much younger. He cannot expect you to be comfortable with continuing.

    He needs to deal with his past issues through therapy.

  10. #9
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    30?!

    I assumed he was a teenager. He cannot hold you emotional hostage for the poor choices his mother made. That is unfair and if he actually told you that to use as ammo to get you to do what he wants, it's also manipulative.

    Don't feel bad keeping a wide berth from him. You have tried to be reasonable but he's demonstrating that he isn't.

  11. #10
    He is emotionally insecure and relies on you to be his emotional crutch. This is not healthy. He needs some counselling in order to cope with his own life and problems.

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