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Thread: Why do I keep dating gay men who are pretending to be straight men?

  1. #1
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    Why do I keep dating gay men who are pretending to be straight men?

    I somehow keep ending up with men who after a while I find out some really strange things about and it's led to me discovering that they have been sleeping with other men or have slept with men in the past and still desire to do so. Yet when you approach the subject they vehemently deny it. Why can't gay men just stay away from straight women. And how can you tell ? Before you fall in love with them. It mAkes you feel like you can't trust anyone...so much for a boys night out haha...everyone suddenly becomes competition. I had trust issues before my last two relationships now I don't think I can trust a man ever again. Majority of them are lying cowards. Can anyone convince me I'm wrong?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I dont know why but I do know you need to practice safe sex - use condoms.

  3. #3
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Sounds more like they are BI. As far as I am aware, gay men do NOT have sex with women, but BI men do.

  4. #4
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    You are just meeting all the wrong men in all the wrong places!

    Just remember, you have to find one good man - a straight man in this case, lol!

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  6. #5
    Where are you meeting these men? Gay bars? It's not about gay men staying away from straight women, its about you and the choices you make. Don't blame the men for your choices.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by RayofLighten
    It's not about gay men staying away from straight women, its about you and the choices you make. Don't blame the men for your choices.
    Yeah, blame is a strong word, and it doesn't buy you anything. I get that the guys you've dated have been deceptive, but how well are you screening before dating? While it's true that you can't control the world, you can set up quick meets over coffee with men on dating apps. Grab a coffee on your way home from work, and if any stand you up, just take your coffee with you--nothing lost. Otherwise, spend 15 to 30 minutes checking one another out with a rule that neither can corner the other to ask for a real date not he spot, but either can invite the other out afterward. If the answer is yes, the other responds, and if no, then no response is necessary. This takes squirmy rejection stuff off the table and spares you from full dates with bad matches.

    Most people are NOT our match, so use quick meets to ask practical questions to screen out bad matches. It's a needle in the haystack thing--if you're not attracted, or they don't match your vision of what you want for your future, then Next them. In your case, raise the issue in a straightforward way without sounding accusatory or victimized. "I've been on a bit of an unlucky streak where I've come to learn that my dates are bi-sexual rather than straight. So I'd appreciate it if you'd tell me whether there's any possibility of you leaning that way?"

    Screening may not feel romantic, but it makes no sense to pursue dating based on chemistry alone. Goals and behaviors are fair game to ask about.

    Head high. If finding love were easy, what would be so special about it?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    You are just meeting all the wrong men in all the wrong places!

    Just remember, you have to find one good man - a straight man in this case, lol!
    I agree with this; where are you meeting these men, OP? Sorry that's happened to you.

  9. #8
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    They are not gay, but bi. Where are you meeting these guys?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Skatterbunny
    Can anyone convince me I'm wrong?
    Unfortunately not. It's a shame those gay men just can't keep their hands off straight women! Yesterday alone, I had to shove away like five coming at my wife like she's Betty White. THEY MAKE ME SO ANGRY

  11. #10
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    ... *Laughing here*

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