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Does she like me? I feel so confused right now


SomeKnight

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So, first of all, I turned 16 just weeks ago. There are this pretty girl that I have a crush on and she's 17 in my class. This story would be a little long, I think but I will try to make it as painless as it gets.

 

I first met her at first weeks of the new school year. At first, she wasn't playful or teasing or doing anything she does currently toward me. At first, she was kind of shy and calm, she tried to start conversations with me alone a lot even though I barely knew her at all(My friend even started teasing me about her being my girlfriend because he caught us talking alone), she even changed her place at class to seat near me instead of her bestest friend(that she always, 100% spends time with her) she had a boyfriend that she started to have problems with him a lot and eventually broke up at the beginning of this year later. Now, the important part comes, after a month or so, she changed her personality and actions toward me, she became very playful, teasing me and all toward me.

 

As I became too, we started teasing each other and we never get upset of it at all. She also was laughing and smiling at everything I say to her. We kind of had "love-hate relationship" or at least in my eyes, we also were rivaling on a lot of stuff. She also gets upset quickly whenever I make a small mistake with her(like I lie to her about something small) and gives hints about it to make me apologize to her. One time, she did a mistake that made me angry and started insulting her, later, when we were alone, she started to tell me how that "broke" her heart or whatever just to make me apologize to her and started to give me a lot of hints, like she glares at me intensely...etc

 

Anyway, the thing that really I really noticed is that, after I just did that, she started talking to me about her secret and wanted my advice. She never wanted me to tell anyone but me. Her personality is back to normal just exactly after I apologized which made me think she wasn't really angry of me but just wanted me to notice her?

 

Also something I noticed is that one time, she told the teacher in front of the class that she doesn't hate me in front of the class and that I'm the one who hates her, I responded that I don't hate her either. This came at middle of some joke made by the teacher. Later, at a middle of another conversation after again teasing her about something, she told me "Hey, didn't you said you love me?", I replied "No, I said that I don't hate you" her face turned red so quickly and changed the subject quickly.

 

Also, I notice she likes me to be alone without her friends. 2 months ago, the teacher told us not to come tomorrow because she won't come(for two hours!), I came so that I can talk alone with her even if it means two hours only to find that she came as well(Without her friend that she always comes with her), also there were moments where everyone was outside the school and we agreed not to study, anyway I ignored that and entered regardless, only to find her following me after 1 minute from me entering, just to stay alone with me.

 

Summary: She is playful toward me, she stares at me a lot, when she does that, we both smile and laugh. We tease each other. She talks to me alone a lot of time even if it means leaving her friends behind. Her friends also became more acknowledging of me(I don't know if this means she told them) recently. She gets upset quickly of small mistakes, and whenever I do a mistake, she became so dramatic but even then, she still laughs at my jokes even if she was still angry. She tells me her secrets and wants some comfort by me(like death of her relatives), she doesn't want me to be upset even although we have this kind of relationship with each other(she literally told me "Don't get upset! I order you!" as a joke to me after she did something wrong that annoyed me)

 

Also, when my friend came and started calling me "her boyfriend" when he has seen us alone, she started smiling and then she told me to tell him that she is like a sister to me. After I said that, she told me "I can't be a sister to an idiot like you"

 

Sorry for the long story, wanted to know if she's really into me or not. So...what do you think? I feel that she's into me since I'm the only male friend that talks to her besides her ex-boyfriend she left. So, does she like me or this is just normal rivaling/friendly relationship and I'm just overthinking?

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Nobody can say for sure. Question is: do you like her? Because if you do, I think you're at the point where you need to do something about it. It sounds like there's a lot of silliness, giggling, teasing, playing around. That could just go on and on until she looses interest or someone else catchers her attention in a more serious way. Can you find some moment to be serious, to be real, and to not crack or laugh if she tries to make it silly again? Just keep a serious face and eye contact. Show her that you can be serious about her. Hold the eye contact for a little longer to make it meaningful. If she gets the hint, and seems into it, that's a good sign. But if she gets awkward and pushes the silliness again, then she might not be sure what she wants, which means she might just be toying with you, enjoying the attention. If a girl is just toying with you and enjoying attention, then there's nothing you can do wrong or right to shift that in any direction - that's going to have to be a choice for her to make, to be more serious. So don't worry about changing her mind if she's just playing around with you. But if she does like you, you can show that you're mature and serious and won't laugh or make fun of her. If she likes you, then she's keeping it jokey and light to avoid being embarrassed if you reject her.

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Nobody can say for sure. Question is: do you like her? Because if you do, I think you're at the point where you need to do something about it. It sounds like there's a lot of silliness, giggling, teasing, playing around. That could just go on and on until she looses interest or someone else catchers her attention in a more serious way. Can you find some moment to be serious, to be real, and to not crack or laugh if she tries to make it silly again? Just keep a serious face and eye contact. Show her that you can be serious about her. Hold the eye contact for a little longer to make it meaningful. If she gets the hint, and seems into it, that's a good sign. But if she gets awkward and pushes the silliness again, then she might not be sure what she wants, which means she might just be toying with you, enjoying the attention. If a girl is just toying with you and enjoying attention, then there's nothing you can do wrong or right to shift that in any direction - that's going to have to be a choice for her to make, to be more serious. So don't worry about changing her mind if she's just playing around with you. But if she does like you, you can show that you're mature and serious and won't laugh or make fun of her. If she likes you, then she's keeping it jokey and light to avoid being embarrassed if you reject her.

 

Oh. I already did that, but in reverse and on her side instead.

 

Remember when I said I insulted her and started to be upset and giving me strong hints but then I apologized to her and talked to me about some secret she was annoyed about? Well, when she was about to tell me that, I was trying to make it more silly and make jokes like always but she stopped me and told me "Hey, hey. Please let's get serious here"

 

There were some other serious moments(like 2-3) between us where all I did was listening but the problem is that she can only be serious for some moments, next days, she returns to being silly and stuff.

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I think she just likes the attention you give her, and she likes having a friend she can talk to privately. But after you two talk about serious things, it sounds like she doesn't get any closer to you, she just goes back to playing around. And then she said that "sister" thing which could have been just said to protect her feelings in front of someone else... but then again, you wouldn't want to think that about a boy you liked. She sounds kind of immature for 17 unless she thinks she's being obviously flirty and is just bad at it. You could try not going along with the teasing for a few days. Also, don't read too much into the fact that she likes to get you alone. She could just be possessive of you as her play-thing and confidante, but not truly interested. I'm not saying that's for sure, it's just a possibility. Does she talk to you about her friends and other people? Because she might use you as her gossiping dumping grounds. Does she listen to your problems when you need to talk?

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I think she just likes the attention you give her, and she likes having a friend she can talk to privately. But after you two talk about serious things, it sounds like she doesn't get any closer to you, she just goes back to playing around. And then she said that "sister" thing which could have been just said to protect her feelings in front of someone else... but then again, you wouldn't want to think that about a boy you liked. She sounds kind of immature for 17 unless she thinks she's being obviously flirty and is just bad at it. You could try not going along with the teasing for a few days. Also, don't read too much into the fact that she likes to get you alone. She could just be possessive of you as her play-thing and confidante, but not truly interested. I'm not saying that's for sure, it's just a possibility. Does she talk to you about her friends and other people? Because she might use you as her gossiping dumping grounds. Does she listen to your problems when you need to talk?

 

Actually, I'm not the one that goes to her to talk but she is the one that talks to me instead. I don't remember any single time where I talked about my problems or the one who started the conversation, it's always her where we either make jokes and laugh together or she asks me about stuff(like if I'm religious since she's muslim and very religious and strict with these stuff, I said that I'm not and she started convincing me so hard to do my religion stuff, she also talked with me if I did mistakes in my life or not, if I listen to music or not...etc) She only spoke about a problem that bothered her one time, the other time was just comforting by me for her death of relatives which is not really a problem in itself. And you're right, she's kind of immature.

 

Honestly, she's just giving me too many mixed signals about this. But if she isn't interested and doesn't truly like me then why she quickly got into the conclusion that I love her and she seemed happy about it, only to ruin it by me(You know, to hide that I like her) by saying I just don't hate her like I said above and her face became red quickly. If the same thing happened to me, then it would be out of interest. But again, the "sister" thing ruined it but it could be just she's as confused as me because of my actions. I need a way to finally know if she truly likes me or not and that she doesn't play mind games with me(although to be fair, I kinda do the same to her)

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Would she be there for you, and listen to you, if you needed someone to talk to? Can you trust her with things you tell her about yourself that are personal? Have you asked her about herself like what she's interested in and what she likes?

 

Here's some low key things you could try just to observe her reaction and give you more clues.

 

Try giving her some little present. Nothing big or expensive or obvious, just something that will communicate that you were thinking of her and thought she would want that. And if she shows it to her friends and teases you about it and is mean, that's not so great a reaction.

 

Try to give her a sincere compliment and don't laugh or turn it into teasing. If she tries to make it a joke or turn it around, just stay sincere. Like "You look really pretty today."

 

Is there any other girl you know who talks to you and is just nice and normal? If so, you could mention that other nice girl to this teasing girl we're talking about, and say how that other girl is really nice. See if this teasing confusing girl gets defensive or upset by that, because that could mean that she doesn't want you to be interested in other girls.

 

Another thing is you could say something you like about girls, or what you think is attractive in girls, and see how she reacts. Once, a boy I liked told me that he thought this other girl was really stylish and he liked her style, and he said he thought high-heels were tacky and he liked girls in cute flats. So I immediately went shopping for cute clothes and flats because I was so into him I wanted to impress him with my style. Haha! It's silly, I know, but that's what you do when you like someone, you want them to like everything about you and you want to get their attention.

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Would she be there for you, and listen to you, if you needed someone to talk to? Can you trust her with things you tell her about yourself that are personal? Have you asked her about herself like what she's interested in and what she likes?

 

Here's some low key things you could try just to observe her reaction and give you more clues.

 

Try giving her some little present. Nothing big or expensive or obvious, just something that will communicate that you were thinking of her and thought she would want that. And if she shows it to her friends and teases you about it and is mean, that's not so great a reaction.

 

Try to give her a sincere compliment and don't laugh or turn it into teasing. If she tries to make it a joke or turn it around, just stay sincere. Like "You look really pretty today."

 

Is there any other girl you know who talks to you and is just nice and normal? If so, you could mention that other nice girl to this teasing girl we're talking about, and say how that other girl is really nice. See if this teasing confusing girl gets defensive or upset by that, because that could mean that she doesn't want you to be interested in other girls.

 

Another thing is you could say something you like about girls, or what you think is attractive in girls, and see how she reacts. Once, a boy I liked told me that he thought this other girl was really stylish and he liked her style, and he said he thought high-heels were tacky and he liked girls in cute flats. So I immediately went shopping for cute clothes and flats because I was so into him I wanted to impress him with my style. Haha! It's silly, I know, but that's what you do when you like someone, you want them to like everything about you and you want to get their attention.

 

Well, actually, I didn't try to talk with her about my problems or actually revealing any of my secrets or anything(unlike her who talked to me about some very serious things and told me "this conversation is between us two. No one should know of what I said", I forgot to mention that she talked with me about some problems with her ex-boyfriend if that means) and I will be fully honest, although she seems to trust me pretty well, I don't trust her even a bit. I don't even want to ask because I'm afraid if she makes a big deal of it and makes fun of everything so giving her a present is kind out of question, I don't even know what she will do after that and that kind of makes it too obvious I like her. I don't actually give her a compliment, but "You look really pretty today" seems a bit so obvious and overkill.

 

I have other girls I talk to although not much, one of them is her best friend I mentioned above. Now that you say this, I remember a lot of moments where she stares at me so annoyingly when I talk with her friend or slightly compliment her. Sometimes, when I talk with her friend on something important about school, she tries so hard to grab her with her and get out of class even although they have no reasons to do that because they're not busy other than getting out of the class because school is over for the day. Sometimes, she tries to get into the conversations forcefully even though it has nothing to do with her. Sometimes though, when I know I tease her with her friend(like when I said that she is mean while the other is nice) she accepts it and laughs with it.

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So if she gets possessive and jealous but doesn't take you seriously, then it sounds like it's more of a control thing than a "liking you" thing. She wants to manipulate you for her attention, her interests, and to flatter her. And she seems to like toying with you, because it's fun for her. And of course she likes the idea of you loving her, because it's all about her! But if you can't compliment her in a sincere way, or trust her with personal information, or give her a small gift, then this is not in a good place to pursue further unless you really, really like her. If you do like her then you'll need to figure out what's wrong with this dynamic that is contributing to you not trusting her as someone you can talk to, or be vulnerable with. Frankly, she doesn't even sound like good friend material. She sounds like she's being bratty and maybe she'll snap out of it and start treating you with more respect, but right now she's being too immature to worry about whether or not she likes you. What do you even like about her?

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So if she gets possessive and jealous but doesn't take you seriously, then it sounds like it's more of a control thing than a "liking you" thing. She wants to manipulate you for her attention, her interests, and to flatter her. And she seems to like toying with you, because it's fun for her. And of course she likes the idea of you loving her, because it's all about her! But if you can't compliment her in a sincere way, or trust her with personal information, or give her a small gift, then this is not in a good place to pursue further unless you really, really like her. If you do like her then you'll need to figure out what's wrong with this dynamic that is contributing to you not trusting her as someone you can talk to, or be vulnerable with. Frankly, she doesn't even sound like good friend material. She sounds like she's being bratty and maybe she'll snap out of it and start treating you with more respect, but right now she's being too immature to worry about whether or not she likes you. What do you even like about her?

 

To be honest, after thinking more and more. I start to think confidently that she does not want to control nor manipulate me. I remember I hit her one time and said very harsh words on her, broke her tools because I was angry for something she did. Yet, after I apologized, we came back quickly. If I was a girl, and a boy that I don't like him did this to me, I would never forgive him, nor bother with him, nor giving him hard hints that he should apologize. Cause a boy you like means that you will have to absorb some arguing and will back to him with anyway possible, but a boy you don't like, you won't care a bit if he apologizes or not.

 

Also, she did a some nice things to me where she was serious. We even agreed on a lot of stuff together. The manipulation part comes only in moments, but after that accident she should know that I'm stronger than being manipulated. So even if she doesn't like me as a boyfriend, she should at least like me as a brother/friend. And that's enough for a start tbf. For trusting problem, it's not that I don't trust her, it's just that she's a bit of immature and we have a lot of fun and silly moments together, so she may think that as another silly moment and ruin the thing for me. That's all. And for the gift, I will be fair. I don't want to give her a gift not because she won't take it seriously(because I'm sure she'll take it so seriously) but because giving a gift in our country and religious to a girl is just kind of too hard. This is not open-minded country where you can give gifts to friends and it's normal. Here, giving gifts are high level of romance, and I don't want to do it because well, like I said before this is a secret and it will make it so obvious to her.

 

I like about her is that we both have the same goals, the same thinking way, the same everything. She's also pretty, smart, funny and stuff. What I don't understand though is how she doesn't treat our relationship seriously enough while she was already on a relationship with her ex-boyfriend she broke up with this year. I mean, isn't that kind of...weird? My relationship with her is silly, but the relationship with her ex-boyfriend was serious? There's definitely something wrong I did on my part to make it feel like a big joke instead of ending it all once it started. But don't worry, I will apply your suggestions and I will make it more and more serious and less silly jokes, teasing and stuff. If she doesn't do it back, then I should know that our relationship is just friendly. And I think I'm glad I won a friend, and that's enough for me, for now.

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I remember I hit her one time and said very harsh words on her, broke her tools because I was angry for something she did..

Wow. I am surprised she's still around you. She should head for the hills and never look back. If anyone ever did that to me they's be history. 16 years old and hitting her and breaking her tools .... hopefully you don't carry this behaviour into your future.

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I didn't realize our cultures were so different with regard to behavior between young people who might be interested in dating. I think I have to retract any advice I gave you because I just don't understand the culture. Try to control your temper, though, it's extremely childish to hit and break things in a moment of anger. You must know that.

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Wow. I am surprised she's still around you. She should head for the hills and never look back. If anyone ever did that to me they's be history. 16 years old and hitting her and breaking her tools .... hopefully you don't carry this behaviour into your future.

 

I didn't realize our cultures were so different with regard to behavior between young people who might be interested in dating. I think I have to retract any advice I gave you because I just don't understand the culture. Try to control your temper, though, it's extremely childish to hit and break things in a moment of anger. You must know that.

 

It's just that she flips my table everyday as a joke, or a way to get an attention by her or whatever everytime. But that time she did it wrong and flipped everything on my table which broke some of my stuff, she said "Sorry" but she was smiling so I thought she wasn't serious, in a moment of anger, as she was trying to correct her mistake by returning my stuff right, I did the same to her and said some harsh words/insults to her. I apologized to her though so stuffs are correct, although like you said, I'm surprised she's still hanging out with me after this. I don't know if it's childish though, because the rule is that you do the same as they did to you, I was just so angry.

 

Yeah, our culture is kind of different. As example, in some countries, it's totally okay to give gifts to girls even if they were just friends. But here, it's only at extreme cases where you're already her boyfriend or too close or something like that. It's kind of strict. But I'm pretty sure that most of what applies in most countries apply here too, just ignoring some stuff.

 

So, I would like to confirm it and end it here. Does she like me or not?

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