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Thread: I done goofed

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2019

    I done goofed


    I broke up with my girlfriend of 1 year and a half a few months ago. I was going through something, and I thought she deserved better. Instead of talking to her about it, I broke up, telling her I was not in love anymore.

    For the context, she is an exchange student in the US for 1 year and should come back to our country in a few months. We were each other's first love. She was also my best friend and my first girlfriend.

    I contacted her a few times between then and now, asking her to delete my pics on her social medias, which led to some hurtful sentences. But I think I just wanted to talk to her.
    I asked her if she could call me one day in February, and she did it on Valentine's day... I asked her to be friends and that I was sorry. She just answered "no", that I was in the past, and that she realized our relationship was not perfect. She also told me to seek therapy, and that I have a confidence problem. I deserved that one.

    Then, I wrote her a letter explaining why I did what I did, and that I would like a second chance, but that I could only show her that I could fix it with my actions. She took the time to answer, telling me that even if our relationship was not perfect, it brought her a lot, but that she found someone else, and that she does not believe in second chances. It was all in the past, and asked me to not contact her ever again... which I did not respect. I opened to my friends and family (which I never do) and told them about how I felt (crushed) and that I missed her a lot. After having talked a lot and thought a lot (why did I want her back? was it truly love? or just loneliness? etc.), I asked if she wanted to hear what my conclusions were after opening up like this. She just blocked me everywhere. Understandable since I did not respect her boundaries.

    I'm trying to grow as a person, and I think I truly realized what my shortcomings were (not sharing a lot, isolating myself without so much of a message, which led her to stress over me, ...). Our relationship ended up for something stupid, and even though it was not perfect, it is nothing that can not be fixed. She got into a new relationship within a few weeks. She will have to get into a long distance relationship once she returns. There is a chance we end up in the same degree or at least the same city next year.

    I have tried to move on and to meet new people, but it is just not the same. I have never been sure of anything in my life. This is the first time I want to fight for something or somebody. It hurts my pride and I have already been rejected, but I still want to persevere, because she is worth it. She is not perfect of course. I am not seeing her through rose-tinted glasses.

    Is there anything I can do? For now I can only wait. I do not want to harass her more than I already did. I am not stalking her on social medias or talking about her with our mutual friends. In the meantime, I feel like sh*t. I can not seem to sleep, and I am constantly anxious. My heart is tired and I am not able to focus on my studies. My first priority is to feel better. But I feel like I was replaced so easily, with somebody who is my polar opposite, and whose she was already talking about when we were together.

    Thank you for your advices! And good luck to whoever may need it!

    P.S.: sorry if you see some bad english

  2. #2
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    You contradict yourself.
    You said you broke up with her because you were going through something and thought she deserved better.
    Later on you said your relationship ended over something stupid.
    Which was it?
    I donít think anyone can reply genuinely until you clarify why you broke up?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    There is nothing more you can do, OP.

    She has been very clear in her desire to be left alone. Unfortunately, we can't always get what we want. This break-up has been a tough lesson for you, but an important one: it really is too late sometimes.

    How quickly she has moved on or with whom is not relevant, really. You were clear that you were done when you broke up and asked her to delete you from social media, so I am not sure what you expected thereafter. Even if she winds up single again, it doesn't necessarily mean she would want to get back together with you. The point is that your relationship didn't work and she has chosen to put it behind her. She was your first girlfriend but very likely not your last. Use the lessons here moving forward, so you don't repeat the same thing with a future girlfriend.

  4. #4
    You hurt the girl by breaking up with her and telling her you don't love her anymore then asked her to delete everything from social media. It's done. She's told you a few times that she is not going to give you another chance and not to contact her. Take the hint. She doesn't trust you and has already moved on with someone else. There is nothing for you to do now but accept that you will not get this one back. It's over. Move on.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    She does not want this anymore. This is why you must be very careful with your words. You told her you did not love her anymore, this more than likely caused massive pain and hurt.
    Then you added insult to injury and told her to get rid of all the pics.

    You cannot undo this no matter what your reasons were. The best you can do now is leave her be and move on.

    Don't force her to contact police services, which she might do if you keep on.

  7. #6
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Whatever happened, she's very hurt and isn't going to go down that path with you again. Respect her wishes to be left alone. I doubt she's going to stay in her new relationship, it's probably a rebound. I have a feeling she's just going to explore her options when she comes back anyways.

    Time to reflect. You need to be more honest with yourself. This wasn't working or you just wanted out, so you broke up...for a reason. Nothing wrong with the way you feel, everyone has gone through that. But your energy is best spent on you and maybe some counseling. In uni they have free counseling...make an appointment.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    If you were truly in love with her you would have communicated with her about your feelings instead of breaking up with her. You likely just feel guilty about ending things and want to try and fix the relationship with her so you don't have to feel that way anymore. Let her go, move on with your life and learn from your mistakes.

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Thank you all for your answers!

    As I said, when I was hitting rock bottom, I thought she deserved better. I lied to her, telling her I did not love her anymore. When I said we broke up for something stupid, it is because my lack of confidence made me dot it. I do not know if it is clear? But what is done is done. I hurt her in the end.

    I learnt my lesson. I am leaving her alone. I do not expect her to come back to me, even if she breaks up. I doubt she would even talk to me if I saw her.
    I do not reproach her to have moved on quickly. After all, happiness does not wait, and it does not concern me anymore. But I cannot hide the fact it still hurt to be replaced so easily.

    Our relationship was working quite well. We were fully in love, and planned to move in together when she came back, and to travel to Europe this summer.

    Anyway, there is nothing I can do but work on myself. I hope it gets easier with time. Writing down what happened helped me a bit.
    I do not plan to seek counseling, but thank you for your advice!

  10. #9
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Well, you broke up with her and she found a new boyfriend. You made your own bed now sleep in it.

    Time is the great healer, in time, you'll get over her.

  11. #10

    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Your first mistake was not being honest with her in telling her the true reason why you broke up the relationship in the first place. Your second mistake was not honouring what she wanted by not leaving her alone and not contacting her and then going to friends and family. Third, she has moved on and has a new relationship and that needs to be respected. The relationship you had is over and you need to move on from it.

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