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Thread: Divorce and break up, my brain hurts

  1. #1

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    Mar 2019
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    Divorce and break up, my brain hurts

    Hi,

    I'm looking for some advice, help and just general consolment really.

    I'm recently getting divorced as of the start of this year, after 9 years together and a year of marriage I decided that I didn't want to live in a relationship that didn't make me happy. I treated marriage as a band aid thinking it would bring us happinesses and together.

    During the first 9 weeks of my divorce, I was strongly chased by another divorcee she was divorced the summer before. We got involved, from the get go we clicked I felt. I found(I thought) she was the answer to everything I didn't get from my marriage.
    This woman absolutely swept me off my feet, I didn't ask for this sort of nurturing and kindness but I absolutely absorbed and fell quite hard for her, her life style and even became quite good friends with her child.
    Although we never coined this a relationship we promised tobe faithful to one another and I absolute fell for this woman.

    During this time I found it super hard to process all my thoughts from being in an emotional abusive relationship and ending up in one with which entirely encompassing.
    9 weeks which didn't come without its arguments and moment in which I felt to neverous to go out, at fear of seeing my wife.

    Now this woman, has left. And not in a nice way, I could feel after an argument her distance herself from me emotionally. She asked me to take all my things over WhatsApp, left them all in a Hallway and won't even see me. She left me saying we aren't a compatible match. Which has left me doubly heart broken. I didn't act well in this situation, I was drinking too much. Even involved in drugs in an attempt to process the pain of absolute rejection. I didn't act sensibly by any means. This woman promised to make my 30s what my 20s should have been. We booked gig together, even a holiday with her family. I know this was way too much to fast and I should have gotten myself so involved. But I'm so heartbroken.

    But I can't get over how much I'm hurting right now, I've asked this lady to give me another chance and she is absolutely convinced it will never work(she's a strong character). But I feel like I haven't had a fair punt at what I could be like as a partner. I've asked her for a drink and gotten rejected

    Now, in hindsight it was a terrible idea to get so emotional attached so early on and this has given me more chance process and deal with my divorce.
    But in reality, being 30 and divorced is a terrible terrible feeling. I feel low and suicidal, as my meaning my base has been swept from me. That's not to say I expected this woman to fix me(although she did promise).

    I was prepared for my marriage to fail, it had been dying for a long time. But this situation I can't navigate. It's completely ruined my mind if I'm honest.

    So really....after that rant. Where do I turn now?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Process your divorce first rather than focusing on a rebound distraction as a bandaid.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Welcome to ENA*
    Originally Posted by Thedingo
    So really....after that rant. Where do I turn now?
    You turn to yourself....You will need to now go on the heros journey. The journey to self.....It's unfortunate that it usually takes an excruciatingly painful event to set us on that journey but this is it for you my friend*

    Here's a video to get you started ~ [Register to see the link]

    You've also partly answered your question here too...>>
    Originally Posted by Thedingo
    Now, in hindsight it was a terrible idea to get so emotional attached so early on and this has given me more chance to process and deal with my divorce.
    That's the rub - Process and Deal With....That's what you were trying to avoid....Which is natural. We are wired to avoid pain at all costs....

    But the only way through the fire buddy is straight through it....Don't worry, you will be ok....Just be patient and kind to yuorself. Eat and Sleep the best you can. Go for walks. Protect your income if you have one...Stay off the alcohol*
    Originally Posted by Thedingo
    But in reality, being 30 and divorced is a terrible terrible feeling. I feel low and suicidal, as my meaning my base has been swept from me.
    Try being 50 and divorced...I lost everything including my health and my mind....

    I attempted suicide numerous times throughout 2018....It's not as easy as Hollywood would have us believe and it's not the way home.

    Two audio books that have been God sends to me are:

    The Journey From Abandonment To Healing by Susan Anderson.

    Stay: A History Of Suicide by Jennifer Michael Hecht.

    See if you can download them and start absorbing them....I use the Audible App on my phone....

    Also check out Teal Swan on YT ~ [Register to see the link] and [Register to see the link]

    Sending You Strength

    Carus*


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