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Tired of just dating


Sita Pita

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I am 18 years old and in my first year of University. I have dated a lot of boys/guys through Secondary School and now University and I am getting tired of the same old scene of the clubs and hooking up for short stints. It seems like guys at least in my country of Guyana just want to hook up and don't want to develop a long term relationship. I guess the advise I am asking for is there any place or anything I can do to find this sort of guy to have in my life? Thanks

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I think this is the same everywhere.

 

The key to weeding out guys that just want to hook up is not to hook up. Don’t lead with sex. Focus on building relationships, connecting on other levels, and ask them what they are looking for (with you) before you go there.

 

The guys who just want sex will still only want sex - but most of them won’t stick around for all that. You’ll be left with the guys who do want to know you and build something with you.

 

For what it’s worth, you can sometimes get “lucky” and find a guy who wants more the other way too... but if you want to be sure and increase your chances, that is the best way.

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I think this is the same everywhere.

 

The key to weeding out guys that just want to hook up is not to hook up. Don’t lead with sex. Focus on building relationships, connecting on other levels, and ask them what they are looking for (with you) before you go there.

 

The guys who just want sex will still only want sex - but most of them won’t stick around for all that. You’ll be left with the guys who do want to know you and build something with you.

 

For what it’s worth, you can sometimes get “lucky” and find a guy who wants more the other way too... but if you want to be sure and increase your chances, that is the best way.

 

Thank You, you are correct. I suppose it is partially my fault as well because I engage with this guys I meet at the clubs and end up going home with them. I need to quit doing that and start developing conversation with them so they can get to know the real me and if they like that we can see where it goes from there. Thanks for the advice.

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Thank You, you are correct. I suppose it is partially my fault as well because I engage with this guys I meet at the clubs and end up going home with them. I need to quit doing that and start developing conversation with them so they can get to know the real me and if they like that we can see where it goes from there. Thanks for the advice.

 

There's the answer to your question ^^^ plus you need to have some pride and self respect.

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There's the answer to your question ^^^ plus you need to have some pride and self respect.

 

Thanks, I think I have always known that. You see women in my country are treated with less respect than men in general. The trend is changing now though and a lot more women are going to University to study to become Teachers and Nursing like myself.

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At 18 and around this age, there's a lot of thinking and motivation that happens below the waist...not above. A lot of men want to play, party, sleep around, and are not ready to settle down, marriage, babies...responsibility, etc. You're young and you have time to explore your adult world and learn what you want long term. You are in the experimental phase of your life.

 

You answered your own question -- if you don't want a fling, don't go home with these guys, don't make out with them at the bar or parking lot...wait of a call and a date. They must court you. Between your studies and going out with your friends, probably a job...I think your life is rather full, so a guy had better be worth his salt to be included in it.

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At 18 and around this age, there's a lot of thinking and motivation that happens below the waist...not above. A lot of men want to play, party, sleep around, and are not ready to settle down, marriage, babies...responsibility, etc. You're young and you have time to explore your adult world and learn what you want long term. You are in the experimental phase of your life.

 

You answered your own question -- if you don't want a fling, don't go home with these guys, don't make out with them at the bar or parking lot...wait of a call and a date. They must court you. Between your studies and going out with your friends, probably a job...I think your life is rather full, so a guy had better be worth his salt to be included in it.

 

Thank You, it does seem like the guys I meet think with what is below their waist and not with their brain. I am not saying I am ready for marriage or a baby, but a nice serious relationship where I could just snuggle up on the sofa with my guy and watch a movie without the pressure of making out or hopping in bed.

 

You are right. It is my fault and the 6 guys I have been with all have been when I have been drinking so that has been an influence on me going home with them. That certainly isn't an excuse at all for it. My life is a busy one with my studies and work and going out with friends. You are so right I need a guy to start treating me like a Princess to be added into my life.

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How about trying actually dating without sex! ? You've been skipping the dating and going right to hooking up.

Be careful with protection. You seem smart. It's be a pity if you got pregnant from one of these hook ups, throwing your schooling off course. There are STDs to consider as well, and HPV.

 

You can lots of fun dating at this age. Honestly,anything longer term is for later. This is for having fun. And getting through without any major screw ups that are going to impact your future.

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How about trying actually dating without sex! ? You've been skipping the dating and going right to hooking up.

Be careful with protection. You seem smart. It's be a pity if you got pregnant from one of these hook ups, throwing your schooling off course. There are STDs to consider as well, and HPV.

 

You can lots of fun dating at this age. Honestly,anything longer term is for later. This is for having fun. And getting through without any major screw ups that are going to impact your future.

 

Thank You, I always make sure to use protection or it is not going to happen even if I am intoxicated somewhat I am definitely aware of that. School is very important to me as I am the first in my immediate family to attend a University and I am not going to screw this up. I understand I am only 18 and I do have a ton of fun, but honestly I have never had a real boyfriend. I have had guys I have been on dates with, but not a boyfriend.

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That's amazing! Way to go leading the way ! Your family must be so proud of you!

 

The bf will come later, trust that. I'd be repeating what the others said about sifting out the guys who are focused on below the waist right now. I agree with them.

 

Yeah, it is also the scene that I party in. It is either the college party scene or clubs. Here in Guyana the drinking age is 18 so I can go to clubs and there are parties every weekend here at the University. The guys at those parties and the clubs just seem to want to hook up.

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Sita,

 

You seem to be an intelligent young woman who knows what you want.

 

I concur with everyone here when they say try getting to know the person before having sex. If you try online dating, make your intentions clear that you are not looking for a one night thing, but a relationship. If you meet a guy in

a social situation, same, get to know him first and let him know what you are looking for.

 

My best advice for you is LISTEN TO YOUR GUT

 

Best

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Sita,

 

You seem to be an intelligent young woman who knows what you want.

 

I concur with everyone here when they say try getting to know the person before having sex. If you try online dating, make your intentions clear that you are not looking for a one night thing, but a relationship. If you meet a guy in

a social situation, same, get to know him first and let him know what you are looking for.

 

My best advice for you is LISTEN TO YOUR GUT

 

Best

 

Thank you so much. I am not into the online date thing so that is out. Like I said the club scene and also the college party scene drinking plays a little into the bad decision making on my part come the evenings end and that is something I really end to work on possibly having an accountability girlfriend always having my back when I go out.

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Try meeting guys outside of that scene. Consider using a dating app where you can screen profiles to set up quick meets over a coffee with guys who are also looking for a relationship rather than a hookup. Schedule a bunch of these on your way home from your job or classes, and if someone stands you up, take your coffee with you--nothing lost. Otherwise, spend 15 to 30 minutes checking one another out with a rule that neither can corner the other on the spot to ask for a real date, but either can invite the other afterward. If the answer is yes, the other responds, and if not, no response is necessary. This takes squirmy rejection stuff off the table and spares you from spending full dates with bad matches.

 

You can also try exploring interests and hobbies to meet other friends who do more than nightclubs. You can get to know people through shared interests that don't involve hooking up.

 

I found it helpful to grasp that most people are NOT our match. That's natural odds. It's a needle in a haystack thing, where you need to allow a lot of wrong matches to pass early. But dating apps and quick meets allow you to screen OUT anyone who's relationship goals don't match your own, and you can date one another to learn whether you share simpatico.

 

Sleeping first and asking questions later is messy kid stuff. I bond when I'm sexual, so it's important for me to get to know people and decide where I stand with someone, and learn who, exactly, I'll want to bond with BEFORE doing so.

 

Head high, and respect yourself enough to screen people carefully.

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Try meeting guys outside of that scene. Consider using a dating app where you can screen profiles to set up quick meets over a coffee with guys who are also looking for a relationship rather than a hookup. Schedule a bunch of these on your way home from your job or classes, and if someone stands you up, take your coffee with you--nothing lost. Otherwise, spend 15 to 30 minutes checking one another out with a rule that neither can corner the other on the spot to ask for a real date, but either can invite the other afterward. If the answer is yes, the other responds, and if not, no response is necessary. This takes squirmy rejection stuff off the table and spares you from spending full dates with bad matches.

 

You can also try exploring interests and hobbies to meet other friends who do more than nightclubs. You can get to know people through shared interests that don't involve hooking up.

 

I found it helpful to grasp that most people are NOT our match. That's natural odds. It's a needle in a haystack thing, where you need to allow a lot of wrong matches to pass early. But dating apps and quick meets allow you to screen OUT anyone who's relationship goals don't match your own, and you can date one another to learn whether you share simpatico.

 

Sleeping first and asking questions later is messy kid stuff. I bond when I'm sexual, so it's important for me to get to know people and decide where I stand with someone, and learn who, exactly, I'll want to bond with BEFORE doing so.

 

Head high, and respect yourself enough to screen people carefully.

 

Thanks so much. The thing about the dating apps in my country is they can be a bit sketchy. It is not the same as those larger ones like you have in the United States and other Countries. There are a lot of corruption on them. That is a major reason why I and many women here stay away from them.

 

What I do have to do though is just respect myself more and learn to just communicate with a guy in whatever setting I am in and not go home or back to their dorm room with them for sex. I really want to develop a relationship with someone and that person has to respect me first and foremost.

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