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Thread: Can't complain – yet I do

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Have you considered a return to couples counseling?
    I've talked about it with her, but she says it was too much on her: therapy, couples therapy etc

    Also, we wanted to try some new things (were taking dance and Russian classes together, which I think are also helping us improve our social) and we just don't have the time.

  2. #12
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    If you want to understand her and women in general, read Gary Smalley's "If only he knew". (The author suggests sharing the book with her, I don't.)

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you from different cultural/religious backgrounds?
    Originally Posted by willgould
    we wanted to try some new things (were taking dance and Russian classes together, which I think are also helping us improve our social) and we just don't have the time.

  4. #14
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    @Lester: I'll look up for the book, thanks for the suggestion!
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Are you from different cultural/religious backgrounds?
    Not really, no. I guess I'm a little more open to spirituality than her, but neither of us is religious, neither is our families. We also have similar backgrounds, having studied on the same school and grown in the same environments.

    She is Asian, though; I'm not.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    There be more of an unspoken, unacknowledged cultural gradient than either of you are willing to admit or able to see. No matter how seemingly similar or assimilated anyone is, when it comes to marriage, communication, genders, etc. things may go way back into values/traditions that most of us may not even be aware of at play.
    Originally Posted by willgould
    She is Asian, I'm not.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    There be more of an unspoken, unacknowledged cultural gradient than either of you are willing to admit or able to see. No matter how seemingly similar or assimilated anyone is, when it comes to marriage, communication, genders, etc. things may go way back into values/traditions that most of us may not even be aware of at play.
    I was reticent to mention this, because, on our experience traveling abroad, people from other countries tend to understand this cultural issue differently from most people here in Brazil, or at least in São Paulo.

    Her closest relative who was born in Japan was her grand-grandmother, with whom she didn't have contact — neither could she, as she doesn't speak Japanese. No one in her family has ever been to the country etc. Indeed, she falls very far from what I suppose would be the stereotypical Japanese woman: she's really assertive and dominant (rude, sometimes).

    Surely, the fact that her family originally comes from there has an impact on her and on her formation. I don't mean to imply it doesn't. But I sincerely can't see how this could relate to the fact that I feel dissatisfied with our relationship.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member wilyone 11's Avatar
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    Most people have a difficult time with marriage. Your situation is not unusual.

    You said you're open spiritually. From a spiritual perspective, your soul is seeking a love that is completely free, limitless and unconditional. That is the nature of your soul. Your soul does not want to be bound by this contract of marriage, a contract which completely restricts your freedom. I think this is the source of your dissatisfaction.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Too much comfort can sometimes feel claustrophobic and boring. Without real challenge to stretch out your legs, I'm not surprised you are quietly miserable.
    It seems to me you've both engineered your lives with comfort as the highest priority. Even in describing your unhappiness, you prelude it with ' we have these comfortable lives yet I'm still not happy'.
    Then add to that, the sex not ever being exciting for you, yet you stayed with her and married her. You chose to forgo living on your own, to move in with her. Stifling!

    If it's excitement missing , Russian classes with her might not cut it. Maybe you need to take a real risk on something that really gets your heart beating just for you. And no, I don't mean another woman. That's same comfort zone of falling back on others you are used to .

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