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Thread: Is she losing interest in me?

  1. #1
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    Is she losing interest in me?

    Hi, I'm "Johnny", and I'm kind of new here so I'll try explain things as best as I can...

    I'm in a fairly recent relationship, just closing in on the 6 month mark, but I am getting increasingly worried with my girlfriend...
    At the 3 month mark it was her birthday, and from that on she started to act strange... She stopped texting me like she used to, she stopped showing care and affection towards me, we started being together only once per week, if at all, and I thought it could have been a rough week at work so I let it slide at the time... Two weeks have passed, and I've decided to confront her and ask her if something was going on. She became aggressive, saying that I was overreacting, everything was OK with her, and that it was perfectly find for her that we would be together once per week. We don't live together, but we do live in the same street, and both our parents think it is very strange that we are barely seeing each other now. I have spoken with her parents, to see if I could understand what was happening, and from what I've heard she seemed to be fine to them, and they though that I was the one who stopped wanting to be with her... We all get along wonderfully, and I've Ben friends with her family almost my entire life, so it was a pretty big surprise to them when I told them that she stopped showing any kind of affection towards me.
    Later I had another conversation with her, and I managed to get something our of her for once... She started bursting into tears, holding on to me saying that her birthday reminded her of how old her parents were, and that she would eventually lose those who have always been there for her in her darkest moments, and don't get me wrong, I completely understand that, and told her that she didn't have to worry about anything, by the time all that happened we would already be married and that it would be me standing by her to help her go through everything. It may not be the best thing to tell someone in a situation like this, but that is the best I could do at the time.

    The thing is... Almost 3 more months have passed, and she is still exactly the same as before, nothing has changed at all during these 3 months since her birthday except at valentines day, during the entire week of valentines she was actually caring, sweet, always trying to be in touch with me and actually be with me. For that single week, it was as if she went 3 months back in time back to how she was before her birthday. The very next day she was back to being silent and act as if I didn't matter much to her at all...

    Am I really overreacting?
    Is she losing interest in me?

    When we are together she is always very sad, tired, and almost feels like she does not want to be there with me, sticking to her phone through most of the time, more than she ever does speaking with me even if she has a day off or is free, and when she is like that I try to be supportive and make her forget everything that may have gone wrong throughout her day, which I don't know since she has also stopped telling me about her day, even when I ask her directly, and sometimes I manage to get a smile out of her, but nothing much other than that...

    On rare occasions she manages to show some affection and care, about once per month, and she even surprised me with an unexpected invitation to go have dinner with her once, but even then I felt she was very cold with her words, and she didn't look ok at all.

    She once said that I was the best boyfriend she has ever had, and knowing her former boyfriends I know she is telling the truth, but that is also why I think she may be taking me for granted since everything about us seems too perfect to go wrong... We have known each other since we were very young, our parents have known each other for the duration of our entire lifetimes and we all get along perfectly with everybody in both families, she knows I am caring and always available to support her at all times, and she knows I truly love her, but I am not getting the same feedback from her and I feel like I've been the one doing most of the work for our relationship for the past 3 months, with the exceptions being the valentines day week and this last dinner planned by her.

    Is there something I am doing wrong or should do to fix this issue?

  2. #2
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    Johnny,

    How old are you?

  3. #3
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    I am 24, not English btw...

  4. #4
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    The only thing I think you need to not do is talk to her parents about her. Keep relationship issues between you and her. I get you wanted answers, but this crosses a boundary and just isn't a good idea.

    Other than that, it seems you are not overreacting. She sounds largely indifferent. Whether this is because this is who she truly is and it's only now becoming apparent to you, or because she is losing interest in the relationship but isn't quite ready to cut the cord, I don't believe there's more you can do to remedy it. Relationships are about a meeting of two individuals, on their own volition.

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  6. #5
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    That is the thing... I've known her for over 10 years, as friends/neighbours, and I've never seen her like this before. Every time I've seen her she looked happy, friendly, kind... When we started dating those first 3 months were the ones I saw her the happiest in my entire life, it is very strange for her to suddenly stop caring and start to be the opposite of what she has always been, or appeared to be...

    Speaking with her parents was wrong, I was desperate, but they too think this is strange because she seems to be completely normal to them, but for some reason we aren't as we used to be to each other.

    Should I talk to her and try to figure out what is going on once and for all? Last time I did that, about 2 months ago, she told me that story about being afraid of what the future may bring her and her parents, but this is getting out of hand... She wants me to support her, and I do, I really do, that is all I've been doing since I've ever met her, but she simply does not play the same role with me and if I tell her I feel neglected she continues to tell me I'm overreacting...

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You should know what's going on with her. Be honest with her that the way things are going right now is not what you signed up for and you deserve to know what's bothering her or this is the end of the line for you. I'm not suggesting that you do it in a hostile or antagonistic manner or corner her. But you should find a way to get it across that this isn't working for you anymore. If she's fine with that, you have your answer. Stop promising false promises of being there for her or marrying her or having anything to do with her when you barely know her at this point.

    Be honest and truthful and start speaking to each other more frankly. You might find it useful especially at the start avoiding any language about how neglected you feel or your feelings. The point is to understand her and then explain to her what isn't working for you and what you need in the relationship. Turn the language around from complaining to being more constructive and clear about how you see your life (with or without her).
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; 03-16-2019 at 03:20 PM.

  8. #7
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    You've known her a long time, you should have a serious chat with her. I think you should leave her parents out of things.

  9. #8
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    Alright, that sounds easy enough, I'll see if she will share anything at all with me and if she doesn't I'll move into the "this isn't working" speech.
    I am not making any false promises, it was sort of a "condition" for both of us that this relationship would only work out if we wanted to make it serious, we weren't just going to be in a temporary thing, and that's what we both did since the very start.

    Thank you all for your help and support, I'll try to post an update as soon as I have news! If anyone wants to leave any further comments or sugestions I'll thank you as well, more information is always welcome.

  10. #9
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    Good luck!

  11. #10
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    Well, today is the day... After a very long week, in which I've been in hospital due to random health conditions, she is finally agreeing on meeting me to have a conversation, and from her tone, not a good one, since she said "we should talk"...

    To give you some context, she is a nurse, and so is my sister, so when I was all alone at home this weekend I reached out to the person that would answer me first: my sister, and she was the one helping me throughout the day.
    By luck (or not) I sent a message to my girlfriend by accident trying to give my hourly report on my body temperature to my sister, to which my girlfriend answered very angrily for not telling her a thing. Yes, I know I should have told her I was not ok, but I was still waiting for her to answer some texts I had sent her earlier that day, it was about 19:00h when I sent her that text, I had a terrible head and stomach ache and telling her I was not ok while she was at work (which I already know it is very exhausting and stressful to her) just skipped my mind...
    She didn't seem mad at the time, or at least she was for about an hour or so, but for the next few days she kept being very helpful and trying to know how I was, if I was getting better or not, etc... It was a nice surprise to see her worry about me for once.

    Then tuesday the 19th came, the day we would reach the 6 month mark, she had a day off that very day, but I was aware it was fathers day as well, so my expectations were not high...
    Just as expected, she went silent again that day, only made any contact with me at 4pm, and again at around 9pm. She had spent the whole day with the parents (her words), so I decided to ask her out for after dinner, which he declined so he could spend more time with her father.
    Two ideas went through my mind at the time:
    - She forgot, which would not be a first...
    - She genuinely wanted to spend more time with her parents.
    I went with the second one... I am pretty much used to not being with her by now. I didn't say anything offensive or aggressive, I simply told her to enjoy her time with her father, and to make sure she would also get some rest afterwards so she would wake up fresh for work the next morning.

    After that, she went more silent than ever, and once I asked her to hang out today she gave me the "we should talk" speech...

    I honestly have no idea what is going on anymore... It almost seems like she is the one mad at me, but the only reasons I can think of are not telling her about my condition on the weekend or not saying a thing about "us" on the 19th, because in reality I didn't, I only asked her out...

    I'll meet her in about two hours, if things go bad it will be a relieve in a way, I've felt nothing but pain and suffering in the past 3 months while I should have felt love and care instead, so either way it is pretty much a win-win for me...



    Unless some of you states otherwise and says I've been a jerk this whole time, in that case I'll just feel a bit sad
    Last edited by johnnyc24; 03-21-2019 at 04:02 PM.

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