You need to forget about reconciliation.

Here I am at 186 days of COMPLETE NC. I have not heard a single fvking peep from my ex, she hasn't played any games, nothing. Hasn't interacted with me indirectly or directly at all. I have every reason to believe she has completely moved on and I'll never hear from her again. She's mingling with people at her new school and making friends with people that are better looking and more put together that I ever have been or will be. She'll probably find someone better. She hardly thinks of me, and I probably mean nothing to her at this point. That's what she's shown by her actions.

You know what I've been doing since the breakup? Absorbing every source on the internet related to no-contact and getting your ex back. How No-Contact is very probable in making them reach out, and all this garbage. I've read at least 100 different threads on ENA/Loveshack/Quora/Reddit all related to reconciliations, time-frames, no contact's effectiveness, and etc.

In the beginning, I knew she wouldn't reach out immediately. She was in the "relief" stage! It would take a while before her mind would clear and look at the situation from a different perspective. More time progressed and now it had been 2-3 months into NC. Most exes will reach out around or before them due to a list of reasons. I began to get a little disconcerted in terms of No-Contact's efficacy as it pertains to reconciliation, but I continued to have faith in it nonetheless. Holidays started passing by and I hadn't heard anything. So I just kept looking for more content to provide hope and ease my pain. I couldn't (and still can't) properly face the fact that our relationship is truly over and I got fvked over by her really, really terribly. I can only imagine that I'll have an open wound and a sense of unfinished business with her for the rest of my life.

It's a hard pill to swallow, but most relationship experts on YouTube, regardless of their methods and ideologies, typically all have the same goal and purpose: to build their business. Being told your ex is a pile of trash and they're not coming back isn't exactly what people want to hear. Thus it won't generate views. But at the same time, nobody is going to believe that your ex will ABSOLUTELY come back or you'll 100% get back together, because logic dictates that will not always be the case. So instead the safest bet is to say there's a very good chance you'll hear from your again at some point. This is so malicious in my opinion, because in my case, it has kept me clung to the idea of reconciliation for 8 months. Perhaps it is accurate—at some point extremely far down the road, your ex will think everything is behind you two and decide to reach out. But that is presented in a way that deceives you into thinking it will be for reconciliation.

Relationship "experts" aside, you need to view this is in the most difficult way possible: objectively. From what I can see based on user reports from all different forms, exes come back and reconciliation happens. But it is far, FAR better for your mental health to face what you can't accept (that they're not coming back and it's over) than to sit around waiting. Because here's what is going to happen. First, despite what connection you had, it doesn't mean jack. They're at the very least going to flirt with other people, hell, I did it very early into NC and I'm the dumpee. If your ex is a female that isn't hideous, you need to acknowledge that they're going to get a disgusting amount of male attention. At some point, after sifting through the clearly douchey guys, they're going to either find someone they genuinely like, or someone that hide their crappy intentions well. They're gonna date, and they're gonna have sex. Brutal right? It's hard for me to even type considering my situation.

As a result of you still resisting moving on, you'll find out about it somehow. Either through friends or social-media stalking. And let me tell you, it's going to crush you. You might've thought that you were becoming indifferent toward your ex, or that you were past the point of feeling strongly emotional towards them. But gaining this information about them will ruin you for weeks. I don't think it's exactly the same, but you will feel almost as intense as you did when the breakup initially happened. Every piece of information on the internet that you were depending on for your emotional health have essentially betrayed you. You were beyond convinced, because you were told, that your ex was either thinking about you or missing you to the point where you thought they wouldn't want to date or see other people. But that's all crap. Because it happens, and there are no general rules when it comes to human behavior. So assume your case is the least desirable.

Listen, most of you are probably reasonably attractive people with interesting hobbies and whatnot. If you're not plagued by various mental illnesses like I am, chances are you're pleasant to be around and will lead a decent enough life. You WILL find and attract someone. Please don't fall into the same situation I'm in. Being essentially obsessed with your ex is so unhealthy and devastating to your emotional and mental health that it will have a largely negative effect on your life. If I could have chose to never meet my ex, I would have, because I wouldn't be wasting the prime years of my life in an emotional and mental rut.

I'm not saying your ex can't be forgiven, but in 90% of breakups, their behavior communicates one thing: you're just not worth the effort. They may have feelings for you, but it won't stop them from being in someone else's bed 3 months later.

Please, for your sake, don't invest in NC thinking it will bring your ex back. It won't and it doesn't. Accept and face the pain, cry all you need to, and then do your best to work on yourself and live a happy life. I can't stress enough how dissapointed you'll be if you become too invested in getting your ex back. The last 186 days of my life have been probably the worst, with the exception of the night I tried shrooms (which I recommend everyone tries once, by the way, but that's for another discussion).

It has been six months and you are still counting the days. Stop.

How long were you together?

It has been six months and you are still counting the days. Stop.

 

How long were you together?

I don't think my previous reply sent so I'll rewrite it.

Don't make me roll my eyes; I don't count. I know when the day we stopped talking was, so I just added months + days. It's not rocket science.

1 year, we broke up 3 days after anniversary. Knew each other for (4?) years prior. First loves and all that. Fun stuff.

I really hope you didn't waste any money on those so-called "get your ex back, guaranteed!!!111" programs.

You are right; they care about making money, not about anyone's heartbreak. And you're also right that they have to have some kind of positive outcome promised, otherwise no one would buy. After all, would you patronize a restaurant that advertised "you probably will hate our food and get the runs, but come on in anyway!"

I do commend you for not breaking No Contact, but I disagree that your ex not contacting you means you aren't worthwhile. It just means your ex is not the right one for you.

So OK, you've concluded it's pointless to waste any more time waiting for your ex to come back. So what's the plan for the rest of your life? Got anything interesting or fun planned in the near future?

I do commend you for not breaking No Contact, but I disagree that your ex not contacting you means you aren't worthwhile. It just means your ex is not the right one for you.

 

So OK, you've concluded it's pointless to waste any more time waiting for your ex to come back. So what's the plan for the rest of your life? Got anything interesting or fun planned in the near future?

I did not invest any money into those programs, the only possibility I would have considered it in the darker parts of my breakup were if they all weren't absurdly expensive ($300 for an hour? Yeah, gtfo.)

It feels pretty miserable to not have meaning to someone. Even if the relationship fails, I would like to come out of it knowing they'll always at least think of me or care on some level. But her actions imply that won't be the case, so what was the point in my putting a year of my life into her for... nothing?

I want to find a hobby/passion that I like, try more mushrooms (lol), and cure myself of the mental ailments I have. Being depressed and anxious is not fun at all. It would make it so much easier to get over this btch if I felt normal.

Isn't no contact in order to heal, move on and get over someone? "Invest" in NC? Only the 'get your ex back' scammers claim it works for that, hopefully you haven't fallen for that garbage. Illegal drugs probably won't get your ex back either, btw.

I've read at least 100 different threads on ENA/Loveshack/Quora/Reddit all related to reconciliations, time-frames, no contact's effectiveness, and etc.

 

don't invest in NC thinking it will bring your ex back. The last 186 days of my life have been probably the worst, with the exception of the night I tried shrooms (which I recommend everyone tries once, by the way, but that's for another discussion).

I don't think my previous reply sent so I'll rewrite it.

 

Don't make me roll my eyes; I don't count. I know when the day we stopped talking was, so I just added months + days. It's not rocket science.

 

1 year, we broke up 3 days after anniversary. Knew each other for (4?) years prior. First loves and all that. Fun stuff.

Very few put down the days to the exact number, they usually use months. Stop counting!

You only dated one year, and have lost 186 days. It's time to move on.

Isn't no contact in order to heal, move on and get over someone? "Invest" in NC? Only the 'get your ex back' scammers claim it works for that, hopefully you haven't fallen for that garbage. Illegal drugs probably won't get your ex back either, btw.

Come on...

When you break up with someone you want to recover the relationship. Almost everyone that does NC does it initially with the hope of regaining the relationship. How can you deny that?

I don't care how the consumption of psychedelics affects my chances of getting her back, to be frank. Nor have I ever made that connection. It opened my mind to new perspectives and made me feel euphoric. It also temporarily cured my depression and made me appreciate the things in life that are important. I'm not distributing them, I'm not doing potentially dangerous things on them. I don't see the problem with it.

It's time to move on.

I've known that, executing it is a little different. I plan on blocking her after my birthday.

I've known that, executing it is a little different. I plan on blocking her after my birthday.

You still haven't blocked. Dude!!!

I think Wiseman is concerned because using psychedelic drugs is considered "self medicating" when one has a medical condition. Also, I think they are illegal.

It would be the same if you'd written that you decided to get poo faced drunk every so often. It doesn't seem like a healthy way to treat a medical condition.

I presume you are receiving professional medical care. Have you disclosed your use of psychedelics to your physician? They usually want to know about any and all drug use in order to treat you properly.

ETA: are you hoping to hear from her on your birthday?

People still use psychedelics! Ugh. I dd that in high school.

You still haven't blocked. Dude!!!

Ughhhhhhhh, what is it with this forum? No matter which approach you take you're vilified. I try to deter people from clinging to false hope and these are the types of responses I get? How much do I have to rationalize my behavior before people realize that I'm a damn human with emotions. I'm not perfect.

Have you spoken to a professional? You don't seem to be moving on.

Ughhhhhhhh, what is it with this forum? No matter which approach you take you're vilified. I try to deter people from clinging to false hope and these are the types of responses I get? How much do I have to rationalize my behavior before people realize that I'm a damn human with emotions. I'm not perfect.

You are soooo defensive. This is a part of the problem.

I think Wiseman is concerned because using psychedelic drugs is considered "self medicating" when one has a medical condition. Also, I think they are illegal.

 

It would be the same if you'd written that you decided to get poo faced drunk every so often. It doesn't seem like a healthy way to treat a medical condition.

 

I presume you are receiving professional medical care. Have you disclosed your use of psychedelics to your physician? They usually want to know about any and all drug use in order to treat you properly.

 

ETA: are you hoping to hear from her on your birthday?

Haven't seen any medical professional since before the breakup. I'm 19 years old and wanted to have some fun down on the beach with friends, I didn't go into it looking to cure myself. That is how I felt leaving the experience.

Am I hoping to hear from her? No, the opposite actually. I want confirmation that she really doesn't give a sh.t. That will be the catalyst to move on. 6 months is enough, I want to pursue other things in life (I can't stomach another relationship right now).

You are soooo defensive. This is a part of the problem.

Jeez, I don't want to argue like we're in elementary school but consider your responses. They're filled with attitude and superiority. Have you considered that I may be making mistakes because this is my first experience with a relationship? We're not all middle aged. I behaved stupidly and I'll learn from it, that's how life is. You don't need to put every bad decision I made on blast.

OK, I was asking because you wrote you plan to block after your birthday. So you're waiting to see if she contacts you as some kind of test or something? I guess I don't get it. It would ruin my birthday to spend it checking my phone looking for a message from my ex.

OK, I was asking because you wrote you plan to block after your birthday. So you're waiting to see if she contacts you as some kind of test or something? I guess I don't get it. It would ruin my birthday to spend it checking my phone looking for a message from my ex.

Haha nah, I'm not gonna sit around. I'm gonna be hanging out with a good friend of mine. I don't check my phone often expecting anything from her either. I just think the amount of disrespect if she doesn't message me will make me lose all interest in her. Considering I broke NC to talk to her on her birthday (dumb mistake, this was 8/1/18).

Sadly never wanting to meet you in person and breaking up confirms this. Good you are pursuing other things in life.

I want confirmation that she really doesn't give a sh.t.

Sadly never wanting to meet you in person and breaking up confirms this. Good you are pursuing other things in life.

You are correct. I have every reason to not want to be with her. Why, deep down, do I still care?

I guess I'm confused why you would even think she would message you. You two are broken up, she has not contacted you, and yet you think she should "respect" you by messaging you on your birthday?

I get that heartbreak isn't logical but I can't see the reasoning behind this thought process.

"I want confirmation that she really doesn't give a sh.t. " If you have not spoken in six months, this should be evident. Let go and block, already!

I guess I'm confused why you would even think she would message you. You two are broken up, she has not contacted you, and yet you think she should "respect" you by messaging you on your birthday?

 

I get that heartbreak isn't logical but I can't see the reasoning behind this thought process.

In terms of relationships, the only significant days I can see are each other's birthdays and the anniversary. Now, I told her full and well not to contact me unless it was for reconciliation, so I don't expect her to message me on my birthday for the purpose of being friendly. At the same time, I'm just a little interested to see how she'll behave on the first day since NC started that actually matters. Yeah, it's illogical and not worth my time, but oh well.

In terms of relationships, the only significant days I can see are each other's birthdays and the anniversary. Now, I told her full and well not to contact me unless it was for reconciliation, so I don't expect her to message me on my birthday for the purpose of being friendly. At the same time, I'm just a little interested to see how she'll behave on the first day since NC started that actually matters. Yeah, it's illogical and not worth my time, but oh well.

Move on! Don't waste another day with this!