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Thread: Ex boyfriend suddenly changed towards me - what's going on? Advice appreciated.

  1. #1

    Ex boyfriend suddenly changed towards me - what's going on? Advice appreciated.

    Sorry it's long just need to explain it properly. I left my ex of about a year and a half about 3 months ago, due to him having a drug problem and all the heartache that comes with it, I loved him but I went through lies and heartbreak for months until I finally had enough. He was a very loving boyfriend however which made it harder. Well he had been messaging me nearly every day saying he loved missed me etc and would always initiate contact. I felt ok because I knew he still cared,

    I thought we would get back together one day when he sorted himself out and things would be ok. I agreed to see him a few times but it didn't happen I felt like I didn't want to feel the way I did before and allow it to happen so I kept putting it off i was scared. Recently nearly about 2 weeks ago he messaged me after 3 days (we had an argument about money he owes me for a loan I took out to get him out of debt and he hasn't given me any) he said I hope your ok. I ended up saying I miss him and he said why only now and things went pear shaped from then. Hes been distant not messaging me back and acting weird. I confronted him and asked if there was someone else and he said no.

    I just said I'll leave you to it as I think there is and left it. He messaged 2 days later saying sorry theres no one else I'm not interested in anyone I only acted how you were with me (short and cold) I didn't reply and then he messaged me this next day asking why I was ignoring him 3 times, i said i was trying to move on as I thought he had and he said well I haven't I wanted you (notice wanted) I messaged back and he didn't reply, cut a long story short I got upset and asked if I could go round to which he eventually said yes. I went over and it felt weird like he wasnt the same with me but said there was no one else when I asked him,

    he asked me to stay and we got into bed and slept together, he was very cuddly afterwards and said I do love you and we talked about stuff. The morning I kissed him goodbye and he said have a nice day etc. I didn't hear off him all day so in he evening I said is that it then? To which he said no why and i asked to see him and he said i cant tonight and he would never have said no before. He said what about tomorrow? I said I still love and miss you and he said and I love and miss you too.

    Basically there was this girl I had an inkling he was seeing so I tried to add her on Instagram and I asked who she was and he was like why have you tried to add her? So immediately I knew they were talking but he denied it came from her and a mutual friend of hers told him. I lost my **** and accused him of sleeping with her which he obviously denied and said it was all in my head, and kept saying this is silly.

    I said I dont want you anywhere near me you've broken my heart f*** o** and he said if that was the case I should message her and tell her we slept together but she wouldn't care because it's not true and I would look silly and I didn't respond. 2 days later he text me saying "I haven't done anything" I didn't reply, the next day he text me "so your sticking to your crazy theory", I didn't reply, he then sent "?" I didn't reply and then he sent "back to ignoring me then" 2 hours later and I didnt respond because i dont want him to know I'm hurt. This was 2 days ago and he hasnt said anything else since. I dont know what happened or how he could go from messaging me saying he loves me so much and misses me to barely anything and then this happens it's like he doesnt care anymore and If he is seeing someone why wont he just admit it? I said if your not interested in me anymore just say and he was like look I am.

    But his actions dont match and I just have a sick feeling in my stomach and think hes seeing someone which hurts as I thought he loved me. I was relieved when we broke up initially because he was a drug addict and owed me money and recently been on a holiday which he ruined from being drunk and aggressive etc. And felt better but I guess him pining over me made me feel better.


    It hurts to think hes found someone who he thinks is better, she is older than him and has 2 kids, (he has 4 kids and is 33, I am 25) he just loved me so much before and i dont know what's happened. Why wouldn't he admit hes seeing someone? Some advice would be helpful. Thank you

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    His primary relationship is with drugs/booze. Everyone else is a pawn to that end. End it. Block and delete him. Go to a program/support group for friends/family of addicts. Find out why you've imprisoned yourself in this.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    You broke up with him because he is a stoner. Why are you tormenting him with your jealousy and suspicions. Leave him alone so he can work on his sobriety and get over you.

    You can't suck and blow at the same time and you breaking up with him and acting as if he still owes you his loyalty is the epitome of trying to suck and blow at the same time. Who he goes to bed with now is none of your business and if he was a smart guy without codependency issues, he would just tell you that and then block and delete you.

    Kudos to you for having the conviction and the love of self to leave a drug addict. However and unfortunately you seem to have broken up with him as some strategy to get him to quit and you're not convicted enough to stick to your decision.

    Leave him alone and get on with your life without him in it.

  4. #4
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    You're confused why a drug addict is behaving erratically? Really?

    OP, with due respect, you need to give your head a good shake, girl. You are expecting upstanding and honest behavior from someone who, A) you wisely dumped, B) has a substance abuse problem, and C) owes you money.

    This is like expecting Pinocchio not to lie. You realized his true colours when you broke it off. The subsequent behaviour is part and parcel of that. You lost the right to know who he's dating or having sex with when you ended it, too. It's over. You need to accept that an ego boost from him is not worth it.

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  6. #5
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    Wow.

    Drug addiction (is he practicing sobriety or is he still using?) 4 kids (sure hope they aren't by multiple women and he's paying child support), owes you money, and you're hoping to reconcile? Why on earth?

    I have to believe there are other men in your area who don't have these issues. And "but I LOVE him!!!" doesn't make the issues go away.

  7. #6
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    Why have you continued with all of this? You need to eat that loan, as you will never get the money from this loser. You also need to contact some sort of support group.

    Block and delete him. You also need to understand why you got involved/stayed with an addict.

    Good God! He also has four kids and is only 25. OP, you really need to address your crappy choices in men.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    You broke up with him because he is a stoner. Why are you tormenting him with your jealousy and suspicions. Leave him alone so he can work on his sobriety and get over you.

    You can't suck and blow at the same time and you breaking up with him and acting as if he still owes you his loyalty is the epitome of trying to suck and blow at the same time. Who he goes to bed with now is none of your business and if he was a smart guy without codependency issues, he would just tell you that and then block and delete you.

    Kudos to you for having the conviction and the love of self to leave a drug addict. However and unfortunately you seem to have broken up with him as some strategy to get him to quit and you're not convicted enough to stick to your decision.

    Leave him alone and get on with your life without him in it.
    Yup

    Codependence.

    Study it

    After you heal for the love of God never ever use breaking up as a bargaining chip. Stop with the drama or get back with him, you canít havw it both ways

  9. #8
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    It makes no sense to break up with someone and then expect regular contact and a right to police his love life.

    You broke up with him for a reason, and you've made no mention of his recovery from the drugs.

    You can't play social worker with someone after a breakup. Either he'll pursue the help he needs from professional resources, or he won't. If he does, then his support team will advise him to avoid romantic relationships for at least a year during recovery--which means your continued involvement in his life is misplaced.

    If he has not pursued recovery, why are you still messing with him? Read up on codependency and learn why you're not doing either of you any favors by this.


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