My girlfriend received flowers from another man but claims not to know him

Hi everyone

I'm new here and didn't really know where else to turn. I've been with my girlfriend for 7 years and we have had our ups and downs but I felt like we were pretty ok. Then a few days ago we had flowers delivered with a note that said 'missing you, love Ben'. She claims to not know who this Ben is and started saying that maybe she has a stalker. I want to trust her and believe her but something just doesn't feel right. Maybe I'd think that if there was no name on the flowers but the message and name seems so personal and I feel like she must know who this is. Am I over reacting? How would other people feel or react to this?

What sort of up and downs have you had as a couple? When you say you had flowers delivered, do you mean they were delivered to your home? Do you live together?

I think it’s unlikely that she has no idea who sent them. Someone has her name and address. Yes, this information can be found online and whatnot. So, is it possible that a random admirer sent them? Sure. Anything is possible.

It is probable it’s a random admirer? Eh, I doubt it.

What was her initial reaction?

If some man I’d never heard of sent me flowers directly to my home, using my name, I would be very creeped out. It would be obvious that I didn’t know the person because such a gesture would make me very anxious and worried that some stranger is watching me. I would not have a nonchalant reaction, in other words.

Yes they were sent to our home and we aren't on the electoral register or anything so not that easy to find our address.

She did act creeped out but then I was questioning whether that might have been to cover up the fact that it had even happened.

Were they addressed to her? (Ie: Sally Smith)?

If I got flowers with a card saying “missing you, Ben” and I have no clue who Ben is - my first reaction would be that they are not for me. The guy just got the wrong address or something.

These are not secret admirer flowers lol! Secret admirer flowers would say something like “have a nice day, beautiful” and not sign the name.

If she genuinely doesn’t know who Ben is, you should call the florist. Ben’s girlfriend is missing her flowers.

Yep my first thought was "did she keep the flowers or did she at least call the florist and tell them they have been delivered to the wrong address?"

Did she keep them, *Pen500*?

Why would you preface your relationship with "we've had our ups and downs". This usually doesn't bode well at all. What kind of downs have you had or do you have any other reason to distrust her? If your relationship was overall doing well, you wouldn't have prefaced it with this mention. It'd just simply be doing well.

Before you jump the gun any further, talk with your girlfriend. If you have other reasons to distrust her, again, talk with her. Only you can be the judge of whether she's being honest or truthful with you. Whether she keeps the flowers or not isn't of importance to me. Someone may be diligent and call the florist and someone else may be lazy or busy and couldn't care less if it goes to the right person. Plus it probably looks nice! A person may even be more of an opportunist and enjoy the look of the flowers in their own living space instead of returning it. It's not the end of the world.

Getting angry or jealous isn't going to do anything at this point because it's happened and the note and flowers have appeared. Someone could be pranking her (it may not even be a male friend). If it is someone she knows she may be very embarrassed and afraid to tell you about him because she doesn't like your reactions in the past or is fearful about what you would do or say. Just think rationally and logically and get to the bottom of it.

I also want to mention that whomever "Ben" he may very well be half cracked or ignorant of your living situation. You said "we" had flowers delivered. Do you live together? If Ben has such a crush on her he barely knows her if "he" exists. A third party would either be 1) intentionally sabotaging of your relationship and malicious (you should be suspicious why someone would go to such lengths to destroy a relationship) or 2) ignorant or 3) someone that your gf barely knows and she's telling the truth about knowing no one by the name of Ben. If there is an affair going on, think about how daft or stupid another man has to be sending flowers to her residence.

I'd be calling the florist in case the flowers were mis-delivered.

No, they had her name on them so she was clearly the intended recipient and she has an unusual name so to get the wrong name and address would really be a long shot.

I was just being honest about the 'ups and downs' thing because no relationship is perfect but this really isn't looking great

Yes, she should call the florist and say that they probably sent them for the wrong address.

No, they had her name on them so she was clearly the intended recipient and she has an unusual name so to get the wrong name and address would really be a long shot.

Then she has a boyfriend named Ben. (sorry)

If she continues to insist she doesn’t know who Ben is and acts scared, bring her to the police station because that is truly both scary and dangerous as the person has escalated to contacting her. Going to the police in this scenario is not an “option” - it’s a necessity. Luckily, most florists have delivery zones (not unlike pizza places) and the florist will likely have his credit card on file. It should be pretty easy for the police to track the guy down - and it doesn’t sound like he was trying to conceal his identity since he signed the card.

No, they had her name on them so she was clearly the intended recipient and she has an unusual name so to get the wrong name and address would really be a long shot.

 

I was just being honest about the 'ups and downs' thing because no relationship is perfect but this really isn't looking great

Well, If she's telling you she doesn't know who "Ben" is and shes saying "maybe I have a stalker" then did she throw them away or did she display them in a vase? I'd get rid of them (donate them to a seniors home or hospital) if I got something from someone I don't know and the thought of "stalker" came to My mind.

I'd be creeped out if a stalker sent me flowers and I'd just go to the police.

How long have you lived together? What's the plan? Do you or does she want to get married? Do you both work? Does she ever talk about certain male coworkers, friends, exes, etc. (not named "ben") a lot or more so recently?

There are 3 possibilities.

It's a random stalker she never heard of (unlikely because of the known name/address). She knows no one ever at any time ever named "Ben"?

She sent them to herself to shake things up due to "ups and mostly 'downs'".

A "friend", coworker, lover, ex, etc. sent them to her and either is named "Ben" or used that as a pseudonym, because you know him/have heard of him.

Reflect on things so you can come up with the most logical explanation and likely truth. Revisit this after some thought and some research (call the florist yourself to ask who sent them).

they had her name on them so she was clearly the intended recipient and she has an unusual name so to get the wrong name and address would really be a long shot.

With an unusual name and a home delivery, I have to say, it's sketchy. She could have an admirer, but she never prompted, hinted or flirted. She could be actively flirting and engaging with someone; maybe cheating or past cheating ("missing you"). This is definitely a bump in the road as you sort this out. Did she display the flowers? Did she get angry and toss them? Did she complain about this guy at work? Has some dude crossed a line when she has done nothing to promote this? How is she reacting to these flowers? Does she feel the need to create a police report?

The conclusion is not the best conclusion, so I suggest you just cautiously observe her behaviors.

She has an unusual name and the flowers were delivered to your home address. She doesn't know who Ben is (so she says). She's your 7-year girlfriend. Is she giving you reasons to doubt her? Have there been infidelity issues? Is this a guy from 2002 she hooked up with once or twice before you two even met?

You have some puzzle pieces to put together and I know I would be seriously ticked, all the while (trying) trusting my partner. None of this is good. I hope this is just a big mistake...really, I do. It doesn't look good...at all.