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Thread: Girlfriend was unfaithful with her kidsí father

  1. #1

    Girlfriend was unfaithful with her kidsí father

    My girlfriend of 3 years was recently unfaithful with her kidsí father. She said it was only the one time and I believe her. She did however get pregnant from that night. She says she still loves me and still talks about a future with me and all the plans we had and that she knows what she did was a mistake and she regrets it terribly. I want to make our relationship work. I know people make mistakes and I do still trust her. However I know she is completely overwhelmed right now and I want to be there for her but I donít want to push her away. What advice can someone give on what to do for us to fix our relationship without me sounding jealous and needy. I know she loves me from the way she still looks at me and the little gestures she does for me. How do we fix this?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Well, if the two of you don't go to couples counselling you might as well just call it quits now. She has children with this man and he will always be in her life in some capacity. She may love you but the chances are high she'll go back to the father of her children (including the one on the way). You've been with her for three years already and she still managed to have (at least) one night of unprotected sex with him.

    You have good reason to not trust her and to be jealous and very fearful of her ability (or lack thereof) to remain out of his bed.

    Why did they break up in the first place and is she actually divorced or is she just separated from him?

  3. #3
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I can't speak for others, but the chances of going the long term with this type of betrayal are slim to none, (imo). Keep in mind this was a conscious choice, which is totally different from being a mistake.

    Be careful what you wish for...

  4. #4
    Gold Member LC8328's Avatar
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    While I commend you for being there for your GF in spite of everything, let's see, how can I put this gently? You are being way nicer to her than she deserves.

    You've been with her for three years already and she still managed to have (at least) one night of unprotected sex with him.
    This quote from ThatWasThen is important. We know our partners love us by the way they treat us.

    I know she loves me from the way she still looks at me and the little gestures she does for me.
    Anyone can give you a loving look. What I'm trying to say is your above-mentioned proof is easily accomplished. The hard stuff -aka being faithful to you and treating you right -is where she failed. Mature, loving relationships are hard work and take a lot of effort.

    Of course she still wants a future with you because you take care of her. Look at how much you pamper her because she got pregnant from an affair yet you worry about her being overwhelmed. It's just incredible to me that SHE cheated on YOU, yet you are the one who doesn't want to push her away. I'm really sorry to say this, but you are letting her walk all over you.

    So in answer to your question, I don't know how you fix this, because you are the only one who cares and is present in the relationship. All she does is perform a little "I'm so sorry" to you and force some tears, and you're back by her side, supporting her through this pregnancy. I don't even know what else to say at this point. Good luck with everything, and I mean that.

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    Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    ^She didn't cheat on the OP. She cheated on her kids' father (who does not sound like the OP).

    Oilfield, trust in your relationship and what you know about her. Could you elaborate more on what you mean by her feeling overwhelmed? If there are other issues (at work etc) that she's dealing with, pick better times to bring up this in conversation. Be kind to each other. You have said she is regretful about it. People deserve a chance to grow. If you're not strong enough to accept her past, move on (she deserves better than to be treated by someone who secretly resents her). She's done nothing wrong towards you and it seems you're a good partner also to her. If you trust her, believe in that and don't look for problems where there isn't any. If you aren't ready to trust her based on what she's told you, do the respectable thing and don't string her along.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    ^She didn't cheat on the OP. She cheated on her kids' father (who does not sound like the OP).
    I'm quite sure she did: "My girlfriend of 3 years was recently unfaithful with her kidsí father."

  8. #7
    Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I'm quite sure she did: "My girlfriend of 3 years was recently unfaithful with her kidsí father."
    I see what you mean. If she was recently unfaithful with her kids' father by sleeping with the kids' father and cheating on the OP, then yes, I'm not quite sure either why he is still with her but that's his decision. I read it as she was unfaithful with her kids' father (as in she cheated on the kids' father) in the past. Recently? Past? So few real details.

    In the event I have misunderstood the above, the fact still remains that he wants to say with this lady regardless of what any of us think of her. If the OP feels that's the best decision and that there is still enough to go on in the relationship, that's up to him. I think it'll be very difficult considering she's pregnant with someone else's child and the child was conceived with another man other than the OP. If he's comfortable with that, who are we to judge? Not all families are structured traditionally. Clearly he's not so repulsed by it and he still believes in the relationship. I think rebuilding that trust will be tremendously difficult either way because he will have to heal from the betrayal of that trust at the same time (it's not the same as learning to trust a new partner in a new relationship for example and removing one's self from a situation of betrayal).

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    I'm sorry, but it's already awful enough to cheat on you as it is (cheating is a choice, it's no accident), but it's even more worrying that she chose to have UNPROTECTED sex with this man and risk your health and pregnancy with this man, which shows a big lack of respect for you. Choose wisely if you want to be with someone like that that shows little to no respect for your health physically and mentally.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I'm quite sure she did: "My girlfriend of 3 years was recently unfaithful with her kidsí father."
    At first I thought she had cheated on the kid's father in the past, but after a second read I interpret as she has slept with the kid's father and got pregnant with him while being in a relationship with the OP.

  11. #10
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Exactly. She has been with this new guy for three years and then had sex with the ex .
    Originally Posted by Annia
    At first I thought she had cheated on the kid's father in the past, but after a second read I interpret as she has slept with the kid's father and got pregnant with him while being in a relationship with the OP.

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